I did not think as a 23 year old I could be alcoholic, you get a idea in your head of a dirty old man with a trench coat and brown paper bag. I am so glad that my eyes were open to the fact I was, the great alcohol beat me into it , now I need to find another Higher Power.
Thank God you found out so soon. I fell into my pattern by around age 20. I found out 25 years later in counselling that I was what I call "a functioning alcoholic". I never lost my family, home or job, but on many occasions, looking back, lost my dignity, and my self respect. And ultimately, I have sacrificed my health. I am slowly trying to recover that.
Welcome to AA, Francesco. I am glad for you, that you found much earlier than I what alcholism truly is.
I remember thinking I was to young and I wish I didn't, because it took years of suffering.
Anyway we are where were suppose to be. I'm helping a 17 year old out right now. Booze, drugs, attempted sucide. The elevator goes one way down. Never to young. A lot of not yet's can be avoided. Good luck and welcome.
Well I ditto the people above, that Congratulate you on being here. And the question Too Young? reminds me of the Question Too Old?
So happy to see someone getting in at your age. That translates to me that you will have more of your life, that some of us do, ahead of you.
I am a woman that did not start drinking until I was 32 years old, I used it socially for a number of years, definitely did not know I had a problem. I knew I really enjoyed the effects, the social lubricant of Alcohol. At the age of 39, I had a problem, spent many, many years, going to AA, could not stop drinking, my usual theme was to go to maybe 4 or 5 meetings a week, and congratulate myself on the week end with Drinking.
The Steps of the Program were over-whelming, I used to think, I am raising a family, working full time, have a new marriage, so what I need to do is just control my drinking. That worked for some time, but it is the progressive nature of this disease, that will not allow for the being in control of your drinking, for very long. So I went back into AA with a new attitude, but kept changing my mind, my addiction to Alcohol was there. So no amount of good thinking on the subject was going to work.
So my disease, which really started at the age of 32, even though it was social drinking at first, it was the emotional dependance that slowly developed.
Had walked out of a very "freaky childhood" and was determined to live like other people, I did not have a clue that my drinking was stuffing down the work that needed to be done, regarding this Family of Origin stuff, that I blocked, and in my thirties, it would start coming up, the deep feelings of worthlessness, that were what I was running away from, and I would push it back down with Alcohol. Well it just stopped working, went through the 1st, 2nd and the beginnings of the 3rd and final stages in the years of AA having a swinging door. I was determined, would go back and raise my hand as a newcomer, probably did that a hundred times.
Then I gave up trying, I felt I had proved to myself, that my particular kind of Alcoholism was not going to be treatable, had given myself 10 years of stuggle, and that was proof to me that I was of the hopeless variety. Began using Alcohol everyday, start in the morning when I could have the privacy to do so, then my husband left, and then I had all the time in the world to finish off this drinking career. It was on my 3rd failed Suicide attempt, that I just gave up the fight, surrendered , had asked God, for the first time to show me a different way.
And the miracle of Recovery began in my life. Very ill, pre-cirrossus of the liver, I looked 5 months pregent, yellow eyes that I knew where coming from a very Toxic Liver. But I took my butt to a meeting everyday, that first year, just sat there, and listened, scared to death, that I would not be able to stay in Recovery. That fear helped me stay sober, and on my 1st year AA meeting, I had gained so much faith, I know that there was a Power Greater that myself, keeping me sober. It was truly miraculous moment to discover, first that I did have God in my life, and that I was going to be able to do the work, to remain sober. Got a wonderful, but very tough sponsor that led me through the Steps.
At two and half years of Recovery, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and because I did not want to ever go back to that former life, where I had no life, I agreed to do the work around this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder problem. It took 7 years of pretty intense therapy, it was pretty friggen hard to do, but I did the work so I could be free. That work, combined with a structured Recovery Program, was the beinning of getting to know myself for the very first time.
I now have over 16 years in this Program, of being free or the use of Alcohol, and feel VERY Blessed that I am now a part of a Program for living. I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it, my memories of how I came in, always help me, and I try to keep that fresh in my mind.
I guess I have gone into my chronology just to let you know, you dont have to go there. This Disease can be arrested at any time, And feel So very Proud of you for working on this the way you are. My suggestion would be to Use the Program with ALL your might. As many meetings as you can. One every day, at least the 90 in 90, and when most people do that, they, I believe, discover that they want and need to keep going at that pace. This Disease that we SHARE is very cunning, baffling and powerful, and the Disease itself, might be asking the question, arn't you Too Young. Don't trust you thinking in the first year, we are detoxing with a miryade of emotions. That don't seem to settle down, until the 2 year. At least that is my opinion.
So, Welcome to AA, and welcome to this Forum. It is a great asset to your Recovery, it is to mine.
As I tend to mention when younger people post around here, I am 22 and an AA member (just got home from a meeting with probably 50 people mostly age 18-35)... It's not the years, it's the mileage- Congrats on your sobriety Francesco-
Hey, Francesco! That's cool! My sponsor of eight years got it at a similar time. I'm at least ten years older than him, yet he is so much better at this recovery stuff than I am. He has about nine more years of sobriety than I do. I have continuously relied on his judgement and his understanding of 'the Spiritual' part of the program. I found a Higher power through his guidance. I didn't expect that when I was newer. But he kept at me to 'seek' one, and somehow, I don't know how exactly, I came to know one. I owe much of my success in sobriety to this HP, which I now believe was there with me all along. I just needed to seek. I'm glad you are here! -paul
In my opinion you are lucky to have figured out that you have a problem at a young age. I am 32 but I was alcoholic at 20 so there were alot of years spent beating myself up. I am grateful to have found the program at my age.
There is a woman in one of my regular meetings that just celebrated 17 years of sobriety...she got sober when she was 17. She is an amazing woman and I love to hear her speak in meetings. I definitely want what she has!
what a great thread of sharing people's e, s, and h (experience, strength and hope). I also asked God to show me a better way to live than I knew and shortly thereafter was given the Big Book and 12 x 12 and attended my first AA meeting.
Wow! I just looked at what I wrote, and realized that... although I did pray a desperate prayer to God,,, I didn't realize aat the time that I came into AA that it was the answer to my prayer,,, cuz I really thought, at the time,, that God was a God of wrath,,, and it was only when I did Steps 2 and 3 that I started changing that understanding of God. amazing. He was there and answered my prayer in Love, and I didn't know it.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
