Today i did my second fifth step with my sponsor. Ive been sober for a year and did my first fifth when i had 4 or 5 months but my sponsor figured it was time for another one. A few days ago when he first asked me to do this i was a little pissed - like as if i even needed to do one! I got over it though and found the process to be very beneficial.
First of all i was amazed at how much smaller and more 'normal' my resentment list has gotten. I remember a year ago i was irritated by EVERYONE, and these very bitter resentments went deep driving all my choices in life. Today, i dont get angry with every person i encounter - in fact this time i only had about half a dozen people whom i really felt disappointed with (and dissappointment has definetely replaced utter hatred.)
I also found that a lot of the same character defects still exist even though they may be a lot less severe. I still like to dwell on negative occurrences that dont effect me. For example politics still evokes a lot of stress and negative emotion; however, i dont plan on obtaining any firearms and marching the streets like i MAY have at one time!
My sponsor helped me out a lot during the actual fifth step. We went over some suggestions to help with my "places and things" issues and talked a lot about perception development - i think we tend to forget that a lot of our problems are perception-based and that once seen through a different lens they may cease to be problems and may even turn out to be assets. I recommend anyone who hasnt done a "check up" fifth step OR anyone who is having unexplained depression or anxiety to do a mini one with their sponsor. Like just about everything else in this program, the benefits are a lot more than what you may expect.
With some time in this Program, I have to say that actively doing the fourth and fifth Steps, I dont look at them today as the Resentments, well partially maybe, but when I do the fourth and Firth Steps today, it is like an annual Washing away of any Shame, Anger, (resentments), and Fears, that still come up, start piling up until I wash them away with these two steps.
I do these with a woman that was a Therapist to me for several years, has a complete understand of the steps, and is now someone I use as a Spiritual Guide. She has a Phd, in Spirituality, so that, for me makes her a good "Sponsor".
Doing an active Tenth Step, when they come up, keeps the Fourth and Fifth to a smaller list, and pretty simple.
I find I still need an internal PUSH, but the rewards are still the same a Renewal and Cleansing of any Clogs that have developed. And yes, they are no longer knee- knocking scary, there are more of a TRUE Fact Sheet, getting rigerously honest about things done in the year, that I know when they are going on, I will have some work to do on the same, so I can continue in this Recovery Process. Progress, not perfection.
My first understanding of the Steps, was that after doing the First Fourth and Fifth Step, that if I did a continueous 10th Step, I would not have to do the Fourth And Fifth Again. That did not turn out to be the case.
