Rob, go back and read what you wrote yesterday. It was beautiful. Tonight you are feeling the fucked part of it. Yesterday you saw the beauty. The wonderful thing about going to bed each night is that when you wake up? It's a new day.

I know it's hard. I went to meetings loaded for quite some time. I quietly sat in the back and did my best to listen. When I ended up in the hospital for time # god only knows, for stomach hemorraging, I got out of hospital and started going back to meetings, only this time I went sober.

Go to a meeting. Even tho I was quietly blasted, they kept saying to me "keep coming back, it works!". I did and it did. Please, call Alan, and find a meeting. I'm promising you, the pain and the nightmare and the helplessness of it all does recede with time. And you can make some damned good friends in the process. Stop stop stop trying to do this alone. You aren't in the desert, there's help around you. Dammit, but you just make me ache inside wanting to help you, and then you make me want to smack you for being so tunnel visioned. Argh!!! Love Wren

um...well...I don think Ile pick up a drink today...:)

Sorry Rob-

Check out this site- www.xa-speakers.org
You can download speakers- Really helped me out my first few weeks sober- Actually kept me from drinking at least one occasion-
I recommend-

earl-h-rule62roundup200148.mp3
bob-d-redstickrdp200596.mp3 (one-time chronic relapser with 20+ years sober)
serenity-sam-m-celebratesobriety1994.mp3
dave-h-mantoman17128.mp3
vince-y-lubbockconf198764.mp3
sandy-b-marylandstate1998128.mp3

Some really profound stories on that site, and some humor too-
Joel

Dear Rob, what are we gonna do with you? Please stop doing this to yourself everyday!  I was in your position not too long ago, maybe 6 months or so.  I was drinking most every night, was never really sure why.  I remember also waking up in the morning still feeling the effects of how much I drank the night before.  Kept telling myself I needed to quit.

You know what it took for me to finally get it through my thick head that I at least needed to make an effort to get sober?  Slamming my car into the back of a large truck!  I didn't drink and drive that often, so I'm not sure what I was thinking, but it must've been stupid!  I was lucky, I didn't hurt anyone else, I could've killed someone.  Lucky for me, I was the only one hurt and it was fairly minor.  I am thankful everyday I didn't kill someone's child, mother, father, grandparent, etc. 

I'm still in court-ordered treatment, lost my drivers license, no longer have a car, major fines to pay, I could go on and on.

Rob, please keep going to meetings, make new friends (the good kind).  check in here everyday before you start drinking, there's probably always someone online who can help talk you out of it.  you know what really helped me at first?  I made a list of reasons why I shouldn't drink (can't think straight, dont't eat right, smells bad, stuff like that)  and a list of the positive things that drinking did for me.  Guess which was longer? 

You have friends here who really do care.  Not everyone is lucky enough to have family to help them through the tough times, since for some of us that's where we got the bad stuff.  But if you can find some friends who really do care, even if they don't know you personally, then you are very lucky.

We're here for you sweetie!  Check in sober first, see if someone can help!

i agree w/ doll...i am sad to see u do this.....also u r in my prayers......

ONE day at a time...sometimes when i want to  get drunk, i say   one MINUTE at a time......anything  to stay straight and in the arms of my HP............rosie