I was one big Gordian knot of self-will when I got to the program. I bristled at your suggestions to attend meetings every day, and took offense at many of my sponsors directions. I was too good to sweep the floors, and had no interest in shaking peoples hands as a greeter. I was going to do the program my way, and when I did, I was drunk a short time later.
When I took Step One again, my sponsor asked me if I was willing to try things the A.A. way. I grudgingly admitted that I was. Secretly, however, I didnt think I could do Step Three you know, the God Step. As I vacillated between avoidance and outright resistance, my sponsor asked me if I was willing to believe in a Power Greater than myself. I said I was, and that was all it took. As the Big Book says, with the door to faith opened only slightly, God would help me open it more and more.
As I made my way through the Steps, I repeatedly had to call upon the tool of willingness. At Steps Six and Seven, there were some character defects I was not going to let go of. Gently, my sponsor listened to my resistance then asked me, Are you at least willing to be willing? I admitted I was. Then simply pray for that. As I prayed, I felt the door open just slightly, and as it did, my Higher Power opened it some more. Eventually, I walked through those open doors to freedom and to a new life.
Willingness was the key to my recovery, and it remains the key to my happiness today.
