"I can see why you are disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, 'A.A. is a selfish program.' The word 'selfish' ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others. Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits.
"What do these speakers mean? Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the hightest vocation that a man can have. Without salvation - however we may define this - -he will have little or nothing. For us of A.A., there is even more urgency.
"If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now. We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol. Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first - - a right and necessary kind of self-concern."
thanks for that. It is not that we become selfish and not care about anyone else,,, but it is that we can't give what we don't have. Someone said it is like the airplane oxygen masks,,,, we put ours on first so we will be able to help others with theirs. First things first doesn't mean there is nothing that comes with it. We are actuallyt learning how to love others and ourselves,,, just so we don't stop at the selfish part,,,
funny... about love... the thing is also that the more we give the more we have... that is why when we do get it, we have to give it away to keep it. Love not given is not love at all, but the kind of selfishness that Bill says is not the kind we mean.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
It's kinda funny, that it is so hard to grasp, yet so easy.
Yeah, we are selfish in that we are selfish in our keeping our own sobriety first.
Yet, the only way we can keep that sobriety, (at least, as I understand Bill's message) is by working to help others achieve what we have.
The simple answer to the paradox, is that we cannot give away that which we do not have. We must maintain our own sobriety in order to help others gain theirs.
The simpler answer is group therapy, but that does not grout out the bottom of our individual psyche's. Group therapy would still leave all of us wallowing in our swamps, only to lift each other out of the mire in which we are all still standing, unless some of us reach the bank and reach a hand back. Strangely enough, anyone who does climb out of the mess, who does not reach back constantly to help the rest out, is doomed to eventually slide back into the quicksand.
Waddya say fellow AA'ers, am I nuts? Or, does helping others help us get to the shore (or stay on it)?
definitely not nuts. interesting analogy,,, I think also of the crabs in the bucket. I guess it is kind of a struggle,,, almost equal forces,,, pulling to shore,,, and pulling back into the bucket. You know what I think makes the difference? God. We can't pull anyone to shore even with our own recovery,,, but if our recovery includes God as the real Power and mover... then it is God pulling us to shore and we are pulling others with us,,, eh?
thanks very much for that. it helped me to understand this better.
God bless you,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Both interesting views, I do agree with Dan, and with the Crabpot theory, that was good, and I agree, only a Power Greater that us could bring us to shore.
And Amanda, remember a few weeks ago, when you helped me with something, it reminded me of that same sinario. If a person has fallen, and you help them up, you can continue the walk, but if you walk around that person (Example: not helping someone in an AA Meeting that you feel is asking for help, at least offering the help is the requirement) Walking around them would be the same as ignoring the need you see in a suffering alcoholic, and not making an attempt, would surely lead to you eventually falling yourself.
So thank you both for your thoughts, Good Stuff in the "Selfish" idea of Bills. I need to acknowledge my own first need is for my Higher Power everyday, so that I can continue to see other's need for their Higher Power.
