Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. --Step Nine
When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.
Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.
There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.
We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.
We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.
Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.
"Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person."
I really believe that the latter is the most important thing. I am not into demanding apologies from people,,, or into saying them upon demand. What I need is for the person to improve the behavior so that the offense doesn't happen again, and what will happen will be something better. And I try to do the same. What good is an apology if the behavior doesn't change?
love in recovery,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. --Step Nine
When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.
>>>>>>>the word "AMENDS" here is what first caught my eye...to "amend" is to CHANGE!!! many of my step 8/9 were not "i am sorry" stuff, but CHANGES in my behaviour, either cuz i was harming someone with old behaviour OR i was not setting boundaries with someone who was harming ME.....what amends did i need to make to protect me??? i saw this, as CHANGE...what do i need to do to either 1----help relationship by cleaning my side of the street or 2----setting boundaries to protect me from further problems w/ person OR....3-----removing me from them becuz to keep them would be negative for me............there is one person, still alive, whom i could never "get with" on a step 9 basis becuz he attacks me EVERY time we used to talk....i gave up....i let him go.....in a letter, i told him that his viciousness to me was not acceptable and i was removing myself from ALL contact with him as it was a detriment to my recovery----END os story!!! this step 8/9 was WAY less scary when i really grasped it as "change" to make things healthier all around....
We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it
>>>>>>>>yep, this is what i did....let my "inner voice" guide me......i basically "released it onto the universe" for guidence/ timing, etc, and it was pretty good how the conversations worked out.....with the exception of this one brother who hates my guts anyway, i had very good results with my step 8/9 work......most of my amends were to me and my hp, and my inner child.....HONESTY----WILLINGNESS---OPENESS can just about cure anything in my books.....i guess that is why i so love this program, cuz i think even tho i was such a "chameleon" in the old days, in my desperate need for love/ affection/ getting my needs met, the " H.O.W" recipe just comes "natural" for me.....i just dont' have the time or interest or energy in BS............
