Just wanted to say that this morning, I woke up feeling a lot better.
Even after I wrote about it yesterday, watching the three people I had mentioned, speaking of their individual Relapses, I could not shake the over all feeling of "Feeling Scared" yesterday. Maybe it had something to do with the positioning of the chairs, I was sitting in a side chair, and my only view was of these three people.
Similiar, somewhat to being in a place where you witness a bad accident, you know how that will linger through the day, it just shook me up, in a way that surprised me, Prayed about being released from the fear, and felt a little less scared. But went through most of the day feeling uneasy.
Today is a Brand new day, will return to the same Meeting at noon, and observe the differences. No two meetings are ever the same.
Do know from experience that my Sobriety, and Recovery are based in ONLY my Spiritual connection. That is what I am silently forcusing on today.
Grateful, for this Board, and that I can come here and be honest with what's going on in my life.
Thank you all that responded to my Post and understood. It did mean a great deal to me.
Thank you again, Toni
What we do have today is Hope, that is the emotion I choose to stay with today.
baloney sandwiches? hahaha I'm not going to comment on that one.
Toni, I think it is good to stay humble, not take things for granted, and remember the possibilities. Makes us even more grateful for today, doesn't it? I'm soooo grateful for the miracle of today, and that right now I am dry and in recovery,,, cuz I know that it could just as easily be otherwise,,, and that some people have slipped, and I might tomorrow. I might need help tomorrow, and for today, maybe I can help somebody,,, so they'll be able to help me tomorrow. haha
God bless you,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Toni, I know exactly the anxiety that hits when you can see in someone else's eyes the same pain that you've experienced. These are the type of fears we need---and to be reminded of. Sometimes, when we've been told a million times as kids "don't touch that hot stove, you'll get burnt", and damned if we don't do it anyway. Sometimes it helps if the kid standing next to you does it first, screams, and shows you the blister. It saves you from the direct experience, but allows you to empathize with the pain.
When I read/hear about a relapse, and I think how it can happen to anyone, including me, that fear settles in my heart region and makes me ill. Because reality is, if I do not work the steps, if I do not follow my program, I could be sitting across the table from myself. that is, if I'm lucky enough to make it back alive. Sometimes these things are right on time, right on schedule. Helps us out of our complacency, sometimes a good jerk to get us out of self-pity, to make us grateful (not being judgemental here), that it isn't us. But, it could be.
I love this forum, because it brings these things directly home to me. When I read what others are going thru, some still "out there", once my shaking stops, I have to pray to my Higher Power in thankfulness, in humility, and that inner cry that say's "please, dont let that ever be me". Blessings, Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
