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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> I could use a little help here
Post Info TOPIC: I could use a little help here
soberdrunk


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I could use a little help here
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I haven't drank since last June due to incarceration. I consider my release date, when I came back to AA, my sobriety date which is Feb. 28th.


Last week I was at a meeting and this one guy spoke and I thought to myself this has to be my sponsor. I just knew it. After the meeting I asked him if we could talk. I told him that I am in bad need of a sponsor and could you help me out. He replied that he was too busy, that he had too many things going on with his life. One thing he did is pulled one of the other guys in and we all talked and it was decided this guy would be my temporary sponsor.


I come to find out that my temp. sponsor and I have about just as much sobriety as each other which is only a couple of weeks. At one time he had something like ten years but then fell off the wagon. I'm just a little bit confused on what to do. A sponsor is somebody to guide me through the steps. Does it really matter how much time he's got if he can carry the message? I've been trying to ignore this fact but right now I'm kinda sponsoring myself and that's pure insanity at it's finest. I'm following suggestions from people in the rooms but that just isn't good enough. I need a plan of action. I need to be told what step I'm on and how to work it. The way my brain works I think I know what's best for me. My thinking has only brought me misery and pain. I just want some suggestions from some of you people. I'm just asking for some guidance so I can make some decisions about my sponsor.


Justin S.



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Justin S.
GammyRose


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Justin, A sponsor is someone who you need to be comfortable with, if you're not ...then you can ask someone else to be your sponsor. Is there anyone else in the meeting that you want to ask? The man who is your temporary sponsor might know how to work the steps, have you started doing any step work with him?Does he have a sponsor?


I can't tell you what I would do, but you really need a sponsor who you are talking to on a regular basis, if it's just to check in.I think you are wise and will figure out what's best and it needs to be what's best for you.When you are down on your knees , say a prayer about this one.


(((Hugs)))


GammyRose


 



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Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Phil


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Ive had a few temporary sponsors...had to get to know them a bit...and feel things out...and kinda play it be ear....


A couple were pretty good guides....until I found someone...that clicked...and I felt comfortable .... fully sharing with...


Not a panic situation...itll all fall into place...:)  Usually does if we let it...Have a good night Bud..


 



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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
John


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Hi,


In early recovery I was told that someone that hasn't been sober any longer than I have can't possibly guide me in how to stay and live sober any longer that I have.. that a sponsor with a considerable amount of more sobriety than me will be able to show me where the bumps, pot holes and low laying branches are on the road of recovery.  They will also be able to point out the more senic route.  If they arn't any further down the road than I am, they can't really know what is ahead of me.  And most importantly I might be interferring with their keeping their eyes on their own road, because they are busy on mine.


I was also asked, "would you ask for suggestions and advice regarding your finances from someone that just filed bankruptcy and is broke, or ask for suggestions or advice regarding your relationship from someone that has been through 5 divorces?  You might want to have someone guide you in these areas that have demonstrated the ability to maintain success in these areas.  Why would seek guidence from someone regarding sobriety, who relapses?  Remember the old AA saying, "If you want what we have...?"  Make sure the person you are leaning on, has what you want for yourself, or you will likely end up with what they have regardless of whether its what you want.


I once knew a person that went to an AA friend who was a former attorney who had been disbarred by the state board for unethical practices.  Three months later the person was in the meeting crying that their case went bad and had been thrown out.


Personally I go to people that truly have what I want for myself and have been successful at maintaining it for a good period of time.


I am not insinuating that someone who relapses has no redeeming value to us, they can surely tell us what not to do... and sometimes thats as valuable as what to do.  I just feel strongly that they need to focus on gaining and maintaining their own sobriety before they start picking on someone elses.


John



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Rick


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JUSTIN


BE CAREFUL  **EVERYDAY OF SOBERITY IS A GIFT FROM GOD.  IF THIS MAN HAS WHAT YOU LIKE, THERES NOTHING WRONG ABOUT USING HIM FOR TEMP.  THERES A PHAMPHLET ON SPONSORSHIP, IT'S CALLED QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON SPONSORSHIP AND YOU WILL BE SURPEISED WHAT IT SAYS. THIS IS A BIG GRAY AREA.  WHEN A MAN OR WOMEN GOES OUT AFTER YEARS CHANCES ARE THEY KNOW SOMETHING.  I PERSONALLY LIKE A PERSON WHO'S RELAPSED. THERE USUALLY A BIT MORE HUMBLE.


GEEEEEE  OUT OF HERE


BEST OF LUCK


NO HURRY ON A SPONSOR


I DON'T HAVE ONE ON EARTH !   THEY FAILED ME



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soberdrunk


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Thanks everyone for your input. I have a better outlook on this situation now.


Justin S.



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Justin S.
HumbleOne


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It was suggested to me to pick out someone who might have something that I would like to have. Go to some of the meetings he goes to, listen to what he shares and see if I can identify and relate to him. If I think he may be the right person, then ask him to be my sponsor. It was also suggested to ask God to put someone in my life that could help and guide me. I chose the first way, I wasn't sure about God just then.


Through my first sponsor I learned about constant vigilance and about sharing my own experience with someone else and how helpful it is. I say that because he would share his own experiences with me, and it sure helped me. I already knew that he hadn't been through the process of the steps. I had him as my sponsor for little over a year. And out of respect for him, I sat down with him, and over a coffee, let him know I was going to look for someone else that has been through the process of the steps and could help me. We both agreed. The man I picked, who belonged to the same home group and I had a chance to see in action, agreed to sponsor me and help me through the steps. But something was wrong, and his idea of going through the process of the steps just didn't feel right to me. But, it wasn't a waste of time. With him as my sponsor, he took me out on commitments with him. By doing that, I learned what it meant by..."You can't keep what you have unless you give it away." And through him and another gentleman, because they talked about God, which I didn't like at the time, it brought me closer to a Higher Power, who I chose to call God today. After six months with him, I started going to a Big Book Step Study meeting. Through that meeting, and other meetings, I met my sponsor that I have today. And 3 years ago, he started guiding me through the process of the steps. I grew to like and trust this man. I trusted him enough to go through my 4th and 5th Steps with him.


I tell you all of this because I know that I didn't ask for any of these people to be put in my life. And, even up to today, I am amazed at what I had learned through all of this. And the number one thing that I have learned was...."God can do for us what we can not do for ourselves." That was God working in my life.


Two things that I heard and really helped me out early in my recovery were:


"Keep it Simple" and Take it Easy"


I hope that this may be helpful to you. Through my own experiences, all that had happened, was sure helpful to me.


God bless.


Harry



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amanda2u2


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I've been watching the thread with interest. I have 18 years in recovery, with one slip on Christmas 2004. There have been mixed reactions to that. A couple of people here said I must not be getting it if I slipped, so something is wrong with my programming. Some people said it was a time that I went out to 'do some research', and that I would learn even more about recovery. My opinion....   I think, because I did come back, and I did learn something from it, and me, and recovery,,  that the slip worked out for me in good ways.  Some people who have time in the program without slips take it for granted, that nobody should slip cuz they didn't,,, and they get all kind of self-righteous and proud, thinking that their years make them authorities.  I got humbled, and I know that we are all just sober for this moment, and we don't know what the future holds. I know what it is like to slip, and now I can't look down my nose at so many others who go through 'the revolving door' . And I know that just being dry is not necessarily spiritual sobriety, or emotional sobriety.


So I don't think a slip necessarily means that the person is not in as good a place today as the next AA. Someone else told about an old-timer that had time, but his program didn't feel 'right'.  It's hard for a newbie to know who would make a good sponsor and who wouldn't. The text on Step 5 about choosing someone to talk to has some good pointers about choosing a sponsor - http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/sobertransitions/step5.html


I agree with the person who advised that there is no rush. You can learn what you need to know as a newbie from talking to a few people, getting the literature, and listening at the meeting to the shares,,, then, when you have got an inkling of what it is about,, you can better find someone who is really doing it.


love in recovery,


amanda



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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
paul


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Good morning! I had several temp sponsors that did not work out for one reason or another. They didn't measure up to my expectations. I kept looking and asking and I had a fouth step all written and ready... Then at a meeting a guy 10 years younger than I took a 10 year cake. I asked him to help me with just the fourth step. He gave me his number and told me to call later that week. I had to go to his house. He quizzed me on my understanding of the steps. I thought, "Is all this necessary; is this guy the right one?"     ...Nine years later I fully realize that my expectations were met beyond my initial preconceived notions...He is a great friend,  and like a brother to me... Early on, we often don't know what is good for us. Keep it on, you will find the right one when the time is right. You'll see! -Paul



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