I'm in so much hot water over my 15 year old's behavior. She has gone wild and I'm trying so very hard to help her. I swear to God I have appointments everyday for her or sometimes two a day with shrinks,socail workers,we had court the other day to where we have 6 people there waiting to take my girl to a home. My girl got out of it only to fight with me last night to go out and she did. She did not use,but it is the fact that she disobayed me and the fact that she is in so much hot water that you would think she would want to obay. Anyway about me, I'm feeling so very sick inside,I'm shaky and not eating much (to me that's a good thing being I could lose some pounds). I almost fainted yesterday from all the stress of her "attacking me" verbily. I'm being charged with neglect for the fact that I did not call the police on my girl for staying out all night. I have socail workers coming to my house,and talking to my other children at school. I mean it's OK being she is making really good suggestions on how to help my other kids get through the divorce,it's just dam scarry. Anyway, I hit a meeting the other night after court and I pray a lot now (of course),but I'm bone tired with work on my case because I have had to call in,go home ect... because of my daughter. I'm just not use to being in all this trouble. I need to work in order to pay all the medical bills from my 15 year old,but I am having a lack of sleep and I cannot fuction on a lack of sleep very well. I'v cried my heart out, and I'm worn thin. I feel like I'm going to fall apart and have a break down. I need a good night's sleep,but I don't see that happening any time soon with work. I am powerless over everything and trying to go with the flow. I'm trying hard to work my program and be accepting,but I'm just so scard of being in trouble or to lose my girl in going to a home. it might be the best thing that she goes to a home,but then I would have to pay child support and I cannot afford it. I'm trying to keep my house neat because i have unexspected visitors that could come at any time,I'm trying to be more active with my other kids and the socail worker says we need more disaplen in the house. My austisic 4 year old was yelling yesterday because my 15 year old was yelling and it's hard to calm him down. I don't know, perhaps I'm venting,but to be honest I kind of want my girl to go to a home being she brings so much stress to this house. She would be gone for a month to be evaluated yet again (I just got her out of the hospital the other day),or she might be placed in long term. I miss my rooteen and hate all these appontments everyday and the money I spend on them. We cnanot pay some bills because of the cost of all this. it's just so stressful. Thanks for letting me vent. I really do not need negitive comments,or I might bite back. I feel very raw right now,so please be gental. I have posted before about things and I got a negative post and it hurt me. I'm trying to be more open and just really need support.
Sorry about all crap ! Your soberity has to be #1. *I really do not need negitive comments,or I might bite back. I don't want to be NEG. SO I'll just say STEP 3. And I Want what I want when I want it ? Dosen't work that way .
I think a lot of us know what it's like when our lives are unmanageable. I can't give you a perfect reply, or say exactly what you want me to say. I can't give you advise on your situation. I don't really think that you were so much venting, as I see venting as aimless emotion, as I see you explaining the situation and how you are feeling, which I see as sharing.
Sounds like possibly the conflict between you and your husband may be very upsetting to all, and each reacts in different ways.
Working the Steps with all your might... Step 3 and also Steps 10, 11, and 12,, help us to 'do your best and God does the rest' minute by minute. Living in the present moment,,, we can just get through the present moment, the future unfolds, and working the Steps helps us to make room for God to work too.
I am praying for you all,
God bless you,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 08:03, 2006-03-17
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
These times you are describing remind of what you went through around the Holidays, - Remember? You made it through. Maybe the details are a little different, but the same chaose.
I am saying a Prayer for you Zoomie.
I agree with Amanda, you are just telling us what is going on, that is what this Board is for, in my opinion.
The Steps, Step l, Powerless over Alcohol, our lives had become unmanagable.
Step 3, Made a Decision to turn our Will and our Lives over to the Care of God, as we Understood God.
These two steps have been mentioned, and I believe they are the Steps that can keep you Centered in the Eye of this Storm.
I went through something very serious about 5 years ago, Police, and more Police, and a Court Trial, that from a feeling point of view, had turned me Inside Out.
A very dear friend in the Program, caught me one day, put her hands on my shoulders, (she could see that I could not focus on anything). She said to me "Toni, surround yourself with People that you believe Love you, and care about you, let us hold onto you". I do have recall of those horrible Traumatic days", as "If I was not sleeping, I was Praying" and every morning I asked God, from a begging position, to just hold on to me, and stay with me, I could not and would not be able to make it through this trauma, Without Him".
I trusted this woman, and did what she suggested, only allowing people in my life that I felt loved me, stayed away from the other so called well wishing, opinionated people that wanted to tell me how to walk thru this. Talking to a Minister of my Cousin's Church, I went to see him everyday at 5:00, and he just listened, and I felt all of his compassion, and was amazed at his endless giving to me. Helped me So so much.
So your Daughter is "riding the Rapids" of her teenage years, and you and your whole family are getting caught up in her troubled times.
Meetings, and then meetings can help take the sharpness of all this Pain, down a few degrees.
All I can offer as a friend, is to say I care about you, and will Prayer for you and you family. There is an old Gaelic Prayer. "May the Lord hold you in the Hollow of his Hands". Amen
And I pray your surrender to Step One and Step Three that they will give you the strength, through God's strength.
God Bless you and your Daughter, and your other Children.
"I can't, He Can and I let Him", has worked, as promised, and continues to work on an everyday basis for me.
And I agree with you, the last thing you need right now, is Self Righteous Critizism, God is there, right there with you, I Pray that you can feel His Love and Power in your life, Unconditional Love. Always. Hold on, and just keep Holding on.
Sent with a Whole Bunch of Love to you this morning. We are all your Brothers and Sisters here, and we do Love you.
I'm feeling a tiny bit better,but still overwhelmed. I'll take a nap and I'm sure i'll feel better. I'm just not use to being in trouble and being in trouble is not comfortable. If my work gives me shit, I'll walk out. I cannot help what is going on.
