I just got home from my IOP program about an hour ago. I'm having a problem. My brain seems to be offline today. Thoughts are scrambled, hands are shaking, feel like a big pile of poop. The thing is I haven't relapsed. Normally I would feel this way after drinking and drugging. The effects of my use have definitely left their mark on me. At meetings they keep telling me that things will get better and that they went through the same things that I'm experiencing. I have a chemical imbalance in my head and that seems to be my main problem. I don't know if I'm still detoxing or what. When I was locked up the doctors were giving me colonopin which is highly addictive and I believe that is what's causing these problems. I guess the truth is I'm scared. I keep asking myself how long is this gonna last and will I ever be " normal " again, whatever the heck normal is. Instant gratification. I want my problems to go away now, especially the one about financial insecurity. I'm 33 and I will probably be filing for SSDI due to my problems. This really sucks. Like I've said before I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and asking for help wherever I can get it. I'm doing the footwork with very little results. Things will get better. I know this. I'm just struggling today. Anxiety over life is getting the better of me.
How long have you been off the colonopin? Have you been eating nutritiously? If I go too long without eating I get sypmtoms like that,,, low blood sugar. I have to take crackers and juice with me if I'm going to be out long. Was this just for a short time (like just today)? or are you feeling like this most of the time?
Just some questions to help sort out what might be going on, and so what might be solutions to the problems. Sometimes things are natural effects of something,, like withdrawal,, but there are things we can do to help.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
My first thought was have you found a Doc. that specializes in Dual Diagnois.?????? What does your IOP leader have to say on subject.??? Just some thoughts that went thru my head.
Sounds like one of those bad days, just try to focus on the fact that good days follow bad days more often than not.
Feeling bad about ourselves is so almost predictable, at least for me. When that happens for my I go straight to Prayer, it helps. Sounds like you have been doing tons of work, maybe a signal to just Pause. I dont know, that is how I look at getting over-loaded. Have to calm myself down. We can relax in the knowledge that TODAY is all we can do.
I am saying a Prayer for you to be released from whatever it is that is bogging you down.
You have been so upbeat and so involved in whats going on in your life, I just want to say maybe a little pat on your own back wouldn't hurt. Negative thoughts about ourselves has never done me any good. Looking at that glass half emtpy??? You can change your mind about how you see that glass, change it to Half Full. anytime.
Someone writes here on the Board a lot, "I went to AA for my Drinking, I stay in AA for my Thinking" I could so relate to that. I say in Meetings some times, I am not still here, because ....I'm Well. Especially when someone starts talking about how RECOVERED they are.
Wouldn't it be great if we could just wear an "Out of Order" sign around our necks somedays, that would make it 'an easy to understand thing' for others when dealing with us. i hear you. maybe next time I see one in Rest Room, I'll borrow it, or better yet just make one up for myself. And as Phil says often, "I'm here, because I'm not all there" TeHe Just trying to cheer you up my friend.
A big hug, and a Prayer for you Dear, you are dealing with some tough problems and they do have SOLUTIONS!!!!!!
I've been off the colonopin for two weeks. I am under a doctors care right now. I felt so bad I took a colonopin when I got home. It knocked me out, which it didn't used to do. Hopefully that will be the last one I have to take. I just don't want to be on any medications that I will become dependent on. I guess if this keeps happening I will have to rethink my decision about taking the stuff but that's where I'm at now.Thankyou for your concern, means alot to me right now. My home phone has been out of service for the last two days. A storm knocked it out. Making phone calls to other alcoholics is important. Thank God for this message board.
Did u take the same dose you did before? or did you take a lower dose? Your system was clearing, and so the same dose would feel stronger now,, and your system is not clear now. Sometimes weaning with lower doses works if can't do cold turkey.
I've been told it takes about 2 weeks for most things to clear our system. It was days after I took that one dose of Vesped and Fentanyl before my head cleared. To complicate it was that I hadn't eaten right a few days before that and my electrolytes got all messed up.
Anyway,, we made it through the day, eh?
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Howdy Justin...just wanted to share..that for the first 90 days sober...I shook.. I had nightmares..I had sweats..I had anxiety attacks..I had depression..I had ups..I had downs..thought I was going nuts..I couldnt eat for days...or Ide continously eat for days...its a long list...
My sponsor told me that the only thing I was capable of doing was just not picking up a drink..one day at a time..and going to meetings meetings meetings...
He was right...My body..emotions and mind ..were right out to lunch..
I guess Ide call it withdrawals..
Anyway...it was wild stuff..for a while...
It got better...not completely...but better.:) Hang Tough...
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Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
Hey Justin, I just wanted to say that everyone has good days and bad. I'm glad you are hanging in there. How's it going with your sponsor? And last question , have you got a Dr. who will be treating you?
