hello there I wanted to share a frustration and hopefully get insight towards a solution. Before my drinking career I was training to become a pro musician. I am really struggling getting back into it and would like to know if anyone else has had the same thing or simular and if so how you combatted it?
I know life changes. Some things that were important just don't matter. If this is something you want to pursue just try to move that way slowly. Some days I have no clue what I want.
I'm just trying to take the path that feels right. I want to try to get back at some old hobbies, I don't know if it will every happen and it dosen't really matter. I don't know if this will make sense to you, but it works for me. I have a few forgotten interests and thats just what they are right now. This program teaches me to give up fighting everybody and everything. I really choose what to pursue on how it effects me. I guess GOD will disclose more later.
In the earlier days I really beat myself up about it. but atleast I can make a honest attempt. When I was drinking, I relied on the black out for my inspiration to come. and it never did
For me, life took twists and turns. I had big ambitions as most young'uns do. I look at some poeple and see how simple and easy and routine their lives look.. they decided what they wanted to be and became it. My general ambition - to be in the field of medicine, did come true,,, but not in the place or way that I planned early on. A lot of things I planned seemed to get messed up and I felt like a failure.
I think, now, that the talents and gifts that God gives us are surely to be used,,, but in a way that is in the will of the Giver, and not necessarily in my way. I was not meant to be a great and famous Florence Nightingale, or get the Noble Peace Prize for the next scientific advancement and discovery. But that is actually not a failure at all. I am supposed to be right here at this moment,, typing this post for you. I'm supposed to be on a charismatic healing prayer team,,, working with the Divine Physician.
For me, being at a meeting and sharing my experience, strength and hope, and learning more myself of how to Love and receive Love, is not failure,,, but success.
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him , praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
So then it is not a combat to try to do something I am not meant to do,,, but an acceptance of what I am called to do.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
You know, it seems to me that if you struggle, maybe you aren't sure you want it. Or perhaps the instrument or style you are attempting isn't the one God meant for you. I'd say to pray over it, and maybe a sign will come to show you what is God's will. Music may well be a part of it, but sober music-and perhaps you will have to change your idea of music.
I feel God was leading me a certain way, then I got off track and ended up drinking and drunk and an alcoholic...but before I hit a bottom where I could have lost everything, God got me somewhat on track by bringing back some of my old interests I left when I went wrong. Music was one of those things, baseball another-no, I'm neither a musician nor an athlete, I just enjoy both and used to have a lot of fun at concerts and games. I've been led back into that, and maybe it doesn't sound like God's will, but I feel it definitely is-because another thing about both is, I used to like addicts and alcoholics who were rock stars and ballplayers. Those were some of my favorite types, and it was a couple of those who got me interested again! Yes, I think it all adds up to a possibility that I may follow the path to a career that will have me helping alcoholics/addicts. But I also was meant to continue enjoying sports and music, I need them so I don't isolate to the point I was before. That is how I got in the worst trouble!
So I feel if you want to have a career in music, be open to new possibilities as well as what you were originally trying to do. God may have new plans for you, but try to figure out how music does fit in. It is a gift from God, that much I know-whether you play it, write it or just enjoy it! Music could be a great career for you, but listen and try to see what God is telling you about it. I'm pretty sure if you love it, it will be a part of your life, and God wants you to enjoy it-but maybe not as you think. Don't give up, just listen and look for God's will in your music. Good luck!
thanks Amanda. I sold most of my belongings to buy alcohol. alot of guilt came with selling my guitar. I now have another guitar and although it is not a nice shine one like the other, it is still a playable guitar. I have trouble keeping hold of things and I am going to try and keep hold of this. I love this page you know,. It is really helping me because I cant get to as many meetings as I would like to.
and thanks bonzo. I do not feel I am on a treadmill any more. I feel that I can just take it easy and enjoy the ride. When I was drinking it was a race agains peer pressure. and I had a friend who had a recording studio, I matched his. I dont know how but I did it, but the difference between me and him is he enjoyed it and used it, I was always anxious of how where I was going to get the next fix. as well as the next guitar piano computer etc. I blocked off happyness.
I need to learn to enjoy life and its simplicity again
