When I wake up each morning I am happy. As I indulge in my daily life activities, I am joyous, and provided I don't take a drink, I remain free. Happy, Joyous and Free.
For me, the opposite of Happy, Joyous and Free is Restless, Irratable , and Discontent.
One of the Red Flags that say I'm headed for the less pleasant is when I start to Rationalize, Justify or Minimize an idea, feeling, thought or behavior that is based in unhealthy motives.
I spent a lot of time revolving through the relapse cycle in early recovery;
Life is OK (I'm sober, have job, car, restoring credit, being liked, respected, etc) then
Stress (boss promised me $1.00 more an hour and only give me 50 cents more, landlord was slow fixing the leak under my sink, cable company keeps calling wanting to know if I am going to pay the bill.. etc) then
Changes in thoughts, feelings, mood, attitude --- indifference, lack of graditude, holding an I.O.U. against the world at large...etc.
then
High risk behaviors; (I went to the bar, just to shoot a game of pool, I started showing up late for work regularly and taking days off for no really good reason, paid for a nice stereo system and then lied about why I didn't have the whole months rent when it was time to pay the landlord...etc.
then
Stress increases, High-risk behaviors escalate; Stop going to work altogether, cause the boss didn't do me right on my rise, going to nite clubs just to meet a woman, started to avoid calls from the landlord about the rent being pass due, etc... then
Relapse (Imagine that!!) then
Remorse & regret, a promise to really change then
Join a treatment or recovery program then
Begin to feel better and to think the problem is solved then
Life is OK then....
Today, Life is OK... its been OK for a long time now.
Simply because I started learning how to catch myself when I was lying to myself and others using rationalization, minimization and justification for an agenda based in unhealthy motives.
I heard a man share one night; "God guided me to AA, and AA guided me back to God"
How true this statement is for me today... as long as I work on my spiritual developement and try to stay in fit spiritual condition, Life is Ok.
Thanks so much for this post! You make me see how I've been lately, and why I have had this feeling I was headed for trouble-which is probably true if I let up and stop going to meetings, stop reading recovery books, stop praying...life was OK, but that was no reason for me to feel I had no more need for AA! I have sort of thought about skipping some meetings, like maybe the one at noon today...hope I won't, it always helps if I go, someone says something I needed to hear...plus I can maybe feel better when I reach out to another AA and lend a word of sympathy, encouragement, or just some humor...but you sound so much like me, and you help me see that I need to learn from others or I will experience a relapse myself...the trouble with that is, though many learn from relpases, I fear I will feel such shame that I won't return to AA, won't go to rehab again, but will probably just continue on the path of self-destruction that I got off a while back! Do I have to experience first hand what happens when you get lackadaisical about AA and recovery? I hope I'm not that stubborn and don't really beleive I'm so unique what you and others have dicovered does not apply to me! At this point, I am not sure I could relapse and then get back on the right path! My mind needs more reprogramming, so I hope what you wrote will sink in! That is me, relapsing, if I don't keep doing what i know I should! That's me if I get lazy or overconfident! But it can also be me, learning that life can be OK, but it will still take work by me, every day!
Like I said, thanks! I needed that right about now! One more instance of how my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, works in very mysterious ways-and always proves through those ways that he loves and cares for me, and will help me if I will only ask and then do my part!
That is a very practical way of chizzeling away at our problems, problems?
As a chronic Relapser in this Program also, I try to stay way ahead of the signs that come up, can't do it all the time.
But in the morning, I ask God, whom I trust with all my heart, how am I doing in the "honesty department" how honest am I being with myself. The answer is revealed upon asking the question. Am I rationalizing anything to my benefit, bingo, there it is, need to change it, now.
This 12 Step Program is very Simple, but for me keeping it simple is a major amount of work. Starts with, am I helping another, getting out of my own way, getting out of the "Me", asking for help with that many times a day.
That is where there is a direct connection to the Freedom and Joy you were speaking of.
Trust God, Clean House, Help another. really pretty simple stuff. Then every thing is O.K.
Thank you for the Post, good nurishing food for thought on the Monday morning.
i always say to people who ask me the ingrediants to healing and i say..........." honesty-----openess-------willingness" how those 3 things have kept me going i can't say how many times......shining the light on something, being honest and accepting my defects, i can stay on track 24 hrs. a day.......
i go from one addiction to the other becuz i am not healed enough, but i just keep chipping away at them.......when i quit drinking, i went to other addictions, so i be open/ honest and WILLING and WORK the steps, as i deal with my inner pain/ feelings and pray TODAY for discipline and abstainance......i notice when i stay in the NOW...i am not angry at the past.....or afraid of the future (triggers for me).......so i am working on HOLDING me in the now....so life will be OK today.........thanks, rosie
