Total surrender is an alien concept for most non-recovering people to accept. That a Higher Power, a Power greater than ourselves, that God could take us through the dark rapids of life safely if we agreed to let go of our own self-will is not an easy principle to adopt. Acting on this principle is, however, critical to the process of rehabilitation.
Dealing with the knowledge that you must forever refuse using the crutch of alcohol and drugs to get you through each day must also be accepted if permanent recovery is to be achieved.
The embarrassment of having to admit to the world around you that you're an alcoholic or drug addict is a very difficult process for most of the afflicted to get through. It's hard enough to admit to oneself that you're unable to control your desire for alcohol or drugs. It is even harder to admit to others that you can't control your booze. The problem is called DENIAL, and it impedes the recovery of most alcoholics and drug addicts
Friends and relatives of the addicted and afflicted often find it extremely difficult to deal with the alcoholic's DENIAL. How do you tell your husband he is sick and needs help? How do you tell your 18-year-old daughter that she is an addict and that she can't stay in your home until she does something about her addiction? How do you gather the inner strength required to throw a loved one out on the streets?
Alcoholism is a progressive disease that catches up to the daily drinker like sticky paper catches flies. It might take a few years, but if you "need" a drink every day to handle stress or wind down from a day at the office, the habit will become an addiction you will eventually not be able to control, no matter what you tell yourself and others.
__________________
Life is short..Live it sober to the fullest...One day at a time...
There is also the kind of denial that is found in codependent relationships as a way of coping with problems. A person in denial denies that there are any problems.
There are problems in every thing,, it is a normal part of life,,, good problems and bad problems,, to define the term:
problem: 1. A question to be considered, solved or answered... as for example, a math problem. 2. A situation, matter or person that presents perplexity or difficulty, 3. A misgiving, objection, or complaint.
Problem solving is a constant in life, whether we have individual ones or group ones. Soving problems individually is simple. for example - I'm alone and I want steak for lunch. Simple decision. or - there are 3 of us and I want steak for lunch, but harry doesn't eat red meat or pork and wants chicken, and susie is a vegetarian and wants lentils which give me gas. Solving problems as a group is more complex.
There are choices for problem solving styles in groups.... 1. have one person in charge to make all the decisions,, preferably 'me'. I want steak and steak it is. period. We can use denial here to justify that. we can be in denial that susie is a vegan,,, "susie, you don't really want to be a vegan, do you? I knowyou reallly want steak too" this means that the majority of views and needs are denied 2. Have a coordinator, facilitator, or moderator that helps the group to come to a consensus.. this takes more time and is a process that takes more steps to do. for example - I can give up steak for this meal but I don't eat pork,, so if we can agree on chicken with a good assortment of vegetables and salad, then susie can eat only the vegetables,, so everyone is satisfied. 3. it can be decided that we won't eat together and I'll go get my steak, while Harry gets his, and susie does her vegan thing.
If the second option is chosen,, that we find something that is satisfactory for all, there is going to be a process of discussion, disagreement, negotiation, and compromise before the consensus is reached. This may look like it is a problem... it is... problems are not always bad... just the way we try to resolve them. What if susie starts whining? What if I start threatening? What if Harry starts being sarcastic? How about if susie is willing to meet the others half way? How about if I am understanding and patient with susie's reasons to avoid eating meat that is from animals which are not treated well, even if it is not important to me?
It is normal to have problems... if there is never disagreement there must be denial going on. What is not normal is to treat each other badly while trying to solve the problems. What is healthy is to try to listen to and respect each and all person's views and needs and work together to try to best meet the needs of all. balance
I'm still learning,
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 23:33, 2006-03-08
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
