So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power, the power to help others.
*AA Big Book chapter; The Family Afterward, pg 132*
i SWEAR, if i didn't have my screwy sense of humour i would have been long ago dead!!!! my sense of humour saved me from going totally nuts with all the horror i had to go through....
a lot of times , though, it was a "mask" for my feelings...innapropriate at times to hide my real feelings....laughter was easy...making jokes, rather than ADMIT that i wanted to cry/ show grief etc.......a form of denial it was b4 recovery.....
i still have to ask me "ok, is this really funny or am i hiding something???".....now, most of the time, its funny cuz it is funny..
i remember in '72 when my close friend was killed in an auto accident...she was dating this other friend of mine and i fixed them up together...they went to a party, both got a buzz and he , working 2 jobs and going to school, fell asleep at the wheel when they were comming home....here he is asleep, the car goes off the road and hits a big tree....hes in hospital (made full recovery---PHYSICALLY that is) and she is dead---broken neck
we go to the wake and iam cracking one joke after another....yeah, i was remembering the mischief we used to do and remembering the good ole times, but i did not cry, not one tear...
the funeral parlor director threw me out becuz of disrespectful behaviour to the dead, and i am walking out, and her father is running after me..and i am thinking "oh s**t!! i am dead".....well he caught up with me and handed me a pic of debbie and said "u made me laugh and make this bearable---thank u ----debby said u were really funny and she loved ur jokes, and i can see why she loved u so much".....
i was shocked...i went to my car, glad to have given someone some laughter, but in those days??? LOTS of my laughter was to hide my tears.....that song "see the funny little clown.................." used to make me think of me.....always laughing, making people laugh, when i had the most horrific pain that i did not even ADMIT much less address and work through
thinking back at that incident , would i have done the same thing??? perhaps...but THIS time i would be able to cry too........
sorry , didn't mean to get carried away, but yes, laughter has saved my butt many times.....but now it is appropriate....i can NOW be WAY more honest with my feelings than b4..................peace/ rosie
