I thought maybe this info would be helpful to others. Since I recently relapsed I am reading and doing everything I can to try and prevent it from happening again. I did experience some of the things pointed out in this article. One of the biggest triggers that I feel that I had before I relapsed is that I house sat for a couple and there was an open bottle of wine in the fridge where we stayed. Although my friend who was with me had asked that all alcohol be removed before we stayed, one was overlooked. My friend, a recovering alcoholic like me, had been to functions without me where alcohol was served. He managed to do fine. I declined the invitations because I felt it would make me want to drink. Well, when we got there and I saw the wine in the fridge and told him, he said he could hide it. I said no, that I wanted to see if I could be strong. I was proud of myself when I got through a whole week, knowing it was right within my reach and I didn't touch it. Perhaps I was too proud. I didn't connect it with my drinking, which happened a couple of weeks later. Another AA'er told me, after me explaining how confused I was that I had managed to not drink that open bottle for a week, yet drank anyway a little later. He explained that because I had been around it that long and had worked so hard to not drink, it was still on my mind with it being there and could have triggered the desire to drink again. I know now that I probably never can be around drinkers. Nor do I want to be. Maybe there are others, like my guy friend, who can...I am just not willing to take that huge a risk.
The other things going on I have posted, ad nauseum, on this board and I have decided to be more discreet in my future postings. I realized after my last posting, that instead of helping me and helping others, it unfortunately, caused some trouble, which I certainly didn't expect. I did pray about posting the above and feel that it is good to let others know my experience and that it may help someone.
I do feel that my relapse has helped me realize how much I do value living a sober life and I feel that, in time, it will actually make me so much stronger than I was before in so many ways. I have lost friends and felt shame, embarrassment, remorse and more. However, I have discovered that my true friends have stuck beside me and all those emotions are good for me to feel right now because I don't want it to happen again.
I hope the information below helps:
7 Warning Signs You Are Headed for a Relapse
The sad truth is that many people who try to recover from addiction to alcohol or drugs do not stay in recovery. Although relapse may be common, rarely does it occur without warning. There are usually significant behaviors that can signal that the recovering person is at high risk for relapse. It is critical for anyone in recovery to understand these warning signs.
First, it is important to understand triggers. Triggers are things that tend to lead addicts back to their drug of choice. A trigger can be a person, a place, certain types of events, or unresolved psychiatric issues, such as depression or anxiety. When a person undergoes addiction treatment, their therapist will help them understand those things that could trigger them to relapse. The most common triggers are old friends who still abuse substances and significant stressors, such as job or relationship problems. For alcoholics, a trigger might be a bar they used to drink at. Some people in recovery will try to revisit their old haunts without the conscious intention of drinking or using drugs; they will claim they just miss their old friends. This is rarely a good idea in recovery.
Here are seven warning signs that you might be heading toward a relapse.
1. You Stop Doing What You Need to Do to Stay Abstinent
The most common thing is for the recovering addict or alcoholic to stop going to 12-step meetings. They will make excuses: they dont like the fact people pray or everyone talks too much about their past substance abuse. Most people who stay in recovery maintain some sort of connection to the 12-step programs, even if its only a weekly meeting. This allows them to continually be reminded of who they are and what is at stake.
The recovering addict might stop therapy because they find it too uncomfortable. They might go against the advice of their doctor in treating a psychiatric disorder such as clinical depression or bipolar disorder.
2. You Start Romanticizing the Days When You Were Abusing Substances
This might take the form of remembering only the good times when you were drinking or experimenting with drugs. Most addicts had a time during which they had few consequences for substance abuse. They may even have had fun. However, those times were long gone by the time you got clean. At some point they became dependent on the drug and consequences piled up. If you find yourself smiling about the good times, and conveniently forgetting the misery of your later drug or alcohol use, this is a strong warning sign.
3. You Start Acting the Way You Did When Using: Selfish and Moody
Sometimes this is called a dry drunk. You act like you did when drinking, even without the drink. In recovery, addicts attempt to change their attitudes. They learn that they have a tendency to personalize things and overreact. They discover that they have a low tolerance for frustration, and can get rather ornery if they dont get what they want, when they want it. They are the focus of everything. If someone doesnt smile at them, they take it personally. If someone else gets a promotion, it says something bad about their work.
If you have been working on this behavior then start to see it reappear, this is a warning sign.
4. You start thinking that maybe just one drink or one pill wouldnt hurt
It you find you are talking yourself into just one, this is one of the most obvious signs of an impending relapse. Those in recovery know full well the consequences of substance use, so the first step in using again is to somehow convince themselves that it wasnt that bad, or that they have changed and wont have the same issues this time around. The rule of thumb is that those who relapse pick up right where they left off. It might take a few days or weeks, but you will rapidly be in the same place you were when you last quit drinking or using drugs.
5. You begin seeking out old friends from your substance-abusing days
You might excuse this as just trying to find out how old friends are doing, but if you start seeking out old drinking buddies or people who shared your interest in using drugs, you are heading into dangerous territory.
6. You slowly but surely remove all those elements from your life that keep you anchored and balanced
Maybe you stop keeping your journal, stop calling healthy friends, and quit that daily walk that always helped you clear your head. You probably already stopped doing the things that are important for sobriety, but now you are removing things that keep you calm and centered. You might say you are getting lazy, and your life is likely getting more chaotic and stressful. You might also notice you are slipping back into old deceptive patterns; you might start lying to loved ones to keep them from challenging you.You are not taking care of your emotional, spiritual, and physical health.
7. You are extremely defensive when anyone brings up the changes in your behavior and attitude
This feeling will be familiar: its the same feeling you had when you first were encouraged to get sober and wanted everyone to mind their own business. It is denial crossed with an unhealthy self-righteous attitude. Its very uncomfortable when others begin to notice our movement back toward a way of living that made us and most people around us miserable. Why? Because you are now in the place of moving with purpose back toward drinking and using, and the addict in you is determined to get that drink or drug. For some, this can be the ultimate point of no return: you either wake up and change direction, or end up taking that inevitable first drink or drug.
There is always a way back from this movement toward a drink. The important thing is to recognize its happening and be honest about your attitudes and behaviors. Many a time those in recovery have heard stories where someone says, I dont understand; I just suddenly heard myself ordering a drink. In truth, if that person looked back over the past few weeks and months, they would see this was the natural result of a progression toward relapse. The sooner you catch yourself slipping back into old behaviors, the better chance you have of not slipping.
For me relapse prevention is an oxymoron. I cannot keep myself sober. The only early warning
sign I experience is when I become blocked from my higher power. My priority since early days has been to develop and cherish Thai relationship above all else.
In earlier relapses, the signs were apparent to others, but not to me. The insanity of the first drink was back and as always I was beyond human aid and powerless to prevent it. My defence had to come from a higher power.
I don't buy the lack of meetings as a reason for relapse in itself. Most people I have seen relapse were going to meetings. That's how I got to know they relapsed. Ask them if they are living the program, working with others, and you might find a common thread.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Sunday 25th of October 2015 08:03:13 PM
I was not as close to God as I really wanted to be and felt I should be from all I have read and heard. Although I prayed every day and gave God thanks for my sobriety the day before and asked him to keep me sober "today", and said prayers for family and friends and did the "Bless (name), Change me" daily as well as asked Him to guide and direct me each day and for His will--not mine--to be done, I still drank. I had been saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day every day as well. I am trying to pray differently now and not just do it rote style. A member and good friend told me to pay attention to the words as I was praying them and to ask God to help me understand the meaning of them--such as the Third Step Prayer.
I did not continue to watch my actions/thoughts when they swayed off course. I hung onto negativity and am working hard to be more positive--more grateful. It is a lifetime of habitual thinking which I have to change and I do not believe it can be done over the course of any particular amount of time (for instance by working the 12 Steps and staying sober for one, five, ten years). I think this is for a lifetime, at least for me. And the meetings--already posted that I had attended 6 meetings the week before I relapsed and had attended a meeting every day up until my relapse....they certainly didn't keep me sober.
I do know despite what I said about feeling certain emotions, that relapse is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to alcoholics everywhere and there are very few people who have managed to not go through a relapse once, twice or more before being able to stay sober. And of course, there are some who go out and stay out. It is important to me that I do not allow myself or anyone else to beat me up over my relapse. I have felt enough guilt on my own and do not need anyone else to throw it up in my face that I wasn't working the program, not spiritual enough, etc. I am fully aware of that. I am back on track now and I cannot go back and undo anything, only live in the present and work as hard as I can to stay sober today.
-- Edited by hopefulone on Monday 26th of October 2015 06:36:35 AM
