My apologies to any and all I have offended......I have felt, the last few weeks, exactly like I felt in my first 30 days of sobriety. I found out at a f2f this morning that it is a "natural" part of the process of this program/sobriety....I did not want to face the fact that I have resentments against my son ~ a mother is not supposed to feel that way about her children (logically) but I faced it this morning, and I accept it.....I do not apologize for what I said, but I do apologize for the WAY I said it. I am from the Heart of Dixie so when I say "ya'll or you all" I do not mean any one person in particular, I do apologize if it was taken that way. There were times and I'm sure there will be more, when I felt backed into a corner and needed to defend my position. I work the program of AA. I have GOOD recovery, but I human and I have character defects. I become frustrated when there is not enough importance placed on the fact that alcohol kills, everyday someone loses the battle, it hurts when you carry the message and others don't "get it".......... it hurts when I see someone else hurting from this disease and just can't get it or chose not to. I won't bang my head on a brick wall for anyone, so sometimes it takes "tough love". I may not do it the way some think I should, BUT I will say this, it's MY program, it's MY sobriety and I will do whatever I must to keep that and to carry it to the still suffering.....
For those who have suspicion, I have ONLY ONE ID on this board......I know what I know b/c I work the program....... I do have good recovery going on, not just abstinence.....and I have a wonderful sponsor who I LISTEN to..... I went to my very first f2f July 3 and my last drink (so far) was August 11, 2005.
God Bless and be with you all
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Doll, it's OK to have a resentment against your child. LOL, I have a very big one against my daughter right now. she just got kicked out of rehab, I was late for work because of her. She could of put my job at risk with her behavior. I already had to leave the job once because of her. She is costing me so much money with treatment that she is jut not ready to hear or join. I have to drive her to so many appointments each week and my other kids are losing out because it's always all about my girl. I have to try and get rid of my resentments daily becuase she still keeps doing shit to piss me off.
Anyway, resentments carry off into other things,it's kind of natural that it does. That is why the program has us make amends on a daily bases or as soon as you know your at fualt. I try not to with my girl not have to maek any amends and I watch my behavior around her. I mess up for sure,but it's nice when you can sit back and know you have do all the right things.
I have an anger issue too,that is why I take medication. I hated being angry with my kids all the time and it was hard to control. i was also very nasty to other people. O they deserved it at times,but again at the end of the day we have to take a look at ourselves and our behavior.
Sometimes it's better to le the other one win the fight because in the end our silence wins the war and we have peace. I'v learned that I did not have to win every little argument,it was not worth my time or energy.
