"Any form of success was frightening and unfamiliar."
Basic Text, p. 14
Before coming to NA, few of us had much experience with success. Every attempt to stop using on our own had ended in failure. We had begun to give up hope of finding any relief from active addiction. We had grown accustomed to failure, expecting it, accepting it, thinking it was just part of our makeup.When we stay clean, we begin to experience success in our lives. We begin to take pride in our accomplishments. We start to take healthy risks. We may take some knocks in the process, but even these can be counted as successes if we learn from them.Sometimes when we fulfill a goal, we hesitate to "pat ourselves on the back" for fear that we will seem arrogant. But our Higher Power wants us to succeed, and wants us to share with our loved ones the pride we take in our accomplishments. When we share our successes with others in NA, they often begin to believe that they can achieve their goals as well. When we succeed, we help lay the groundwork for others who follow in our path.Just for today: I will take time to savor my successes. I will share my victories with an "attitude of gratitude."
_____rosie_____like me wondering if i am EVER going to find relief from my FEAR.......and yep, i got USED to failure..loss..lack..disaster....negative experiences....things i didn't want......i **expected** disaster, accepted it as my life.....thinking life would "suck than i would die".....staying "clean" for me is leaning on HP, giving over my fear and doing my self talk.....prayer work.....showing up for duty (recovery work) and letting God work the outcome/ results.....i am just gonna "show up for work" and surrender the outcome....
_____rosie______i know now that surrender is NOT giving me up...NOT giving up on anything....it means "do ALL U can do-----THAN let GOD work the outcome".......so surrender is not such a bad word for me.....i still have a "part in my life" i have a "say in my own business"....i am just trusting God for the OUTCOME----- i get to do my part--- i get to have CHOICE......like my fear--- last night i really hunkered down and told my HP, that i didn't realize just how POWERLESS over my fear that i really am.......is not this "habit of being scared" NOT an addiction??? its got to be.....so how to i "stay clean???".......i show up for work and let God handle the end result.....be WILLING.....OPEN about it.....HONEST with me/ my hp/ my sponser...which i was this am......
______rosie_______learning to trust in me is going to happen when i SLOW DOWN.....focus on the NOW....what am i doing RIGHT NOW??? and building up trust in me/ hp, and go from there......i am proud of me that i was WILLING REALLY willing to see just how badly i need my HP to heal this fear...this god awful habit i acquired through my "training" in the **concentration camp**.......i take that as a big sucess....knwoing the enemy...accepting it as fact...enables me to work the steps on it and then "let go--let god" each time i have an experience with it/ temptation............i think a victory is KNOWING when i got defeated, accepting it, and being WILLING to say to my HP "i am willing to do whatever U need me to do to get through this"......thanks for listening.....
