ok so most of you know i have been sober close to six months now.needless to say im not up for any outstanding pearson awards,but i have tried very hard to right the wrongs (i know there is quit a bite to right)but i started whith me and straighting out some lic issues i have had hanging .i got my lic and i havent had an accident in like 10 years that is till last week ,i hit a car pulling out off a rottery,well not bad nobody was hurt the cars bearly had scratches on them ,but this man insisted on calling the police and his insurence company(with my cell phone to boot)well im thinking thaTS OK IM LEAGAL CARS INSURED REGISTERD LIC IS GOOD .AT THIS POINT IM THINKING IM GOING TO JAIL I DIDNT TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING AND IM GOING TO JAIL AND MY KIDDS WERE IN THE CAR.well the police came and went all my stuff was in order and life went on i was pretty proud of myself i didnt lose it and i didnt yell i did ok and to my surprise i wasnt even to angry.heres the kicker boys and girls. i have been trying for years to get my cdl i finnaly got every thing in order to go to a trucking school and get the lic i had saved the money for the school (which btw is about 3500 for tuition alone so while companies were going through my pre app so i could be pre hired and have a driving job i find out that because of that accident last week i am not qualifed because insurence companies wont touch me for at least 3 years now.i am just so tierd of that chit isnt that why they call them accidents now read this cause its so friggin true right now I WANT A FUCKING DRINK !!!i want to get so chitty give my wife a reason to want to hate me cause im such a fuckin looser i couldnt get anything right even if it was handed to me in the right condition .anyway i just want to speal a little see if it helps im going back to prayting cause it will be by gods grace tonight love ya all phil
Yep! It's called Life on Life's Terms. Sure sux sometimes. I know!
Ask yourself; Will a drink help? Will your wife hating you help? Will you throwing all your hard work away help?
If you just hold on and don't drink it WILL pass.
"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Howdy Phil...and yup...Ide be likely more than a wee bit pissed off too...and want to tie on a good one...
But then theres those darned consequences eh.
Im one of those alkys that can plan things....and Im a doer.."Lets DO IT!!".."Lets Go For It!!"..and can plan the outcomes of those plans...right down to the final outcome...
But ..yu know...every time I do..and have expectations..of someone else...or a situation.....everything goes for a complete shit....and I get angry..pissed off..depressed..and ...well...you get the picture...
Heres a quote..that Ive got pasted to the end of my nose...Some days it falls off..
"No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. But Simple.
It works.......
Take a few deep breaths...accept whats happening...and another day sober...
Someone up there...has other plans...
And some times...the way we want things...just doesnt happen...
"Serenity Prayer"
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Let Go Of Yesterdays...Live in Today...Have Faith in Tomorrows..
I can relate to wanting to drink when I'm mad at myself. Some things trigger those 'old-tapes', which are what you are 'hearing'. Trying to shut out 'the committee' that is saying you are a loser and can't do anything right,, and don't deserve your wife's love, and all that. Yep,, certain things start my old tapes running too... "I'm unlovable" "don't deserve success" etc.
But there are better ways to deal with this than either old tapes which get us into self-destruction, or booze, which does the same. Like accepting what happened, picking ourselves up, and moving onward with 'Plan B'.
You have some good support here, to help you work through your feelings and sort things out to come up with a constructive next step. Have you started working the Steps yet?
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hey Benny... So how are things going? Have you worked through some of the frustation? I sure hope so.This to shall pass and you can do the nexy right thing...
