I have heard both of these phrases by people in the program,,,, "take what you like and leave the rest', and ' take what you need and leave the rest'. There is actually a big difference between the two.
If I only take what I like I will miss a lot of what I need. I don't like to hear that I'm not perfect, or that I need to work hard, or make amends, and I don't like some of the people and stuff they say and attitudes they have. Sometimes I get tired of hearing the BB over and over and over again. Sometimes I don't like my self, or the lack of social skills, or that I can't do math well, and my health limitations. I like to hear that I have pleased someone with something I've done or said,,, and I like it when people agree with my point of view. I like it when people smile at me for whatever reason, and I don't like to be challenged. I like to have things done quicly and easily and have them turn out the way I like. That is all to be human. We like the easier softer way.
Sometimes I go to a meeting and hear a share or speaker, or reread a Step and a phrase jumps out at me,,, and I get uncomfortable. I know it is something I need to work on, but I don't want to. We are doing Step 5 on the Step Work Board,, and I found that very uncomfortable to share on. Interesting to write and post the excerpt though. It has stuff I need in it. Someone gives me some feedback on how something I said came across to them, some of which is their own schtick, but some of which I need to hear and to be aware of. I like to stay in my comfort zone,, not necessarily the green zone. But I need to grow, and that means growing pains sometimes.
Sometimes I don't like to be honest, sometimes the truth is uncomfortable. But this is an honest program. We need to be honest. We also need to learn how to be tactfully honest instead of brutally honest. Somtimes we have to face people, a boss, a spouse, that we don't like,, and we have to sort out what happens, so as not to throw the baby out with the bath water. It's easier to just dump it all. I don't like to have to think too hard, or sort things out, or put up with the bad along with the good.
Sometimes we don't like what we need,,, and like the saying goes.... we might not get what we want, but we get what we need.
well.. so... I prefer to say, and I'm saying it now,,, 'take what you need, and leave the rest',
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
If yu dont wanna carry garbage...dont get a job as a garbage truck driver?? :)
and the one about..Dont throw your garbage on my lawn..I gotta nough of my own..
And yup..I agree...Take what we need....leave the rest...help others when we can...
and the one I hafta really work on...Wear the world like a loose raincoat.....just dont open it..on a street corner....there will be screams..and youll get arrested..
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
good point amanda......what we need sometimes tastes like bad medicine, but we NEED it.....i usually say "take what WORKS, and leave the rest".....some things work for me and not others, et al......
but yeah, when i hear a share, or see something in the literature, i can always tell if it is "hitting me" cuz i feel the feelings...that "nerve hit" and i know it is something i have to work on.......
i love esh as long as it isn't criticism or judgement...that is also why when i respond to a share, i keep the focus on ME, what I did, what I felt, what solution I worked, etc...that way i am not "cornering the person" i got insulted so bad...judged so bad by people who are NOT in recovery like me, and i don't allow the "attacks" ....there is a BIG dif between ESH and an attack!!! i think a lot of us had enuf of the latter-- i know i am sensitive to criticism and insults...i mean i come back FIRING!!! which means i have to work on "considering the source---and keeping the focus on me".......thanks/ rosie
Reminds me of "one man's meat is another man's poison", meaning what may be really good for you may be not what I need at all. sometimes one person cannot relate to the experience or wisdom of another person. The experience or wisdom may be very valuable to some, and meaningless to another. Like teaching me how to make fly lures would be kind of a waste, since I'm allergic to seafood. I've had it happen also that someone has said something to me that I was offended by at the time and it seemed weird to me at the time, but some years later something happened to me and that same statement came to my memory and I thought,,, "ohhh, that's what that person meant!". Sometimes we are not ready to hear something. And I have been told a few times by friends that a person was not ready to hear what I had to say, and not to push it.
Also, 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'. Have you ever shopped carefully for a gift for someone and given it to them only to have it exchanged on you? To see a look of disdain or disappointment cast on your offering? (especially by youngsters). That happened to me one year in particular, when I gave something to my dad and he said to me, "just give me a pair of socks or something". I was really hurt because I'd thought and shopped and chosen carefullly, and it was rejected like that. Or been invited to see photos, about a million of them, of a friend's vacation, grandkids, renovated house. Cooked something special for someone to have them turn their nose up on it,, or even worse gag while trying to eat it? And then have them actually say, "what are you trying to do, poison me?'
I went through a lot with my son going through school age while he was in competitive situations with other kids for grades, score, whatever. How hard he worked on his halloween costume for cub scouts and the scout master's son won the prize. How hard he worked on a paper only to get an F cuz the teacher didn't believe that he was the one who did it (he had been transferred from a prep school that was a year ahead of grade level to a school that was a year behind).
When we go to a meeting and people are asked to share we don't get out a score card and grade the shares. Imagine people holding up cards like at an olympic event - 6.6. If someone says something that seems to you to be off the wall,, that is just something that you leave. If someone says something that is honest , but not what I was fishing for, what should I do? just let that fish go and keep looking for what I want to hear? maybe I should listen, if I really want to learn. Sometimes it's really hard to sort it all out.
Reminds me of 'diamonds in the rough', something that is valuable that we might not recognize as such at first sight.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
