Is it true that someone seeking recovery is not supposed to make any major life changes in the first year? i.e. divorce, moving, etc? If this is true, then what would it mean if someone were to make those major life changes in the first couple months of recovery??
We grow and change and begin to view our lives different as the fog lifts thru the first year or so. The longer someone is sober the more things are revealed to them about themselves, so it is SUGGESTED one not make any life altering changes/decisions in the first year. It is only a suggestion from those who have been there before us.....
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Anything and all things in A. A. are only suggestions.
That particular suggestion, in my opinion, has to do with the fact that we go through SO many changes in that First year. That what might make sense today, would be a whole other story, in a year. I am speaking in theory only here.
Don't have any idea what you are going through, just want to know if explaining why that suggestion is made, once again, just my opinion.
I sure hope you stay here and get to know some of us, there are a lot of good men in this Forum that might be able to give you a more specific answer to you question.
When considering a major change,it may help to use prayer, meditation, the Big Book and your sponsor to help you decide what is best for your sobriety.
When we give up alcohol we give up something that was a major part of our lifestyle, and we don't have it any more and that can leave us with a kind of vacuum for awhile, till we have some better coping skills and activities and relationships in place. Sometimes, during that year of learning new ways, we can be a little desperate, unstable, and not sure of our direction. So we might grab at something, like a new relationship, or a geographical move, thinking that is what we need to fill the hole we feel,,,, but if we hang on and work the program for a year,, we find that the hole gets filled from inside,, as we develop ourselves,, and then we are in a better position and condition to make wiser decisions about everything. There are sometimes though when things are critical and we need to get out of dangerous situations that we are in already.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Sponsor told me that all I was capable of doing.. the first year was "Shutting mouth..not picking up a drink..and going to meetings" I think "Insanity" was mentioned also...
Needless to say..I told him he was full of crap..and strived to prove him wrong.
Um......in my case only..I look back today..and humbly admit..that he was right...
I was what they call "One of those hard nuts to crack." All the best to yu..one day at a time...
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
One thing I learned in the program was to let time take time. I don't think anyone can tell me exactly what to do in any situation, but my sponsor is usually the one who knows me better than anyone and is a great sounding board. Is this something I can just pray about and let the answer come in time? I prayed, listed the pros and cons of separation,talked about it for months.When my husband and I finally separated he drank more ,but I didn't start drinking again...people are different.
As a recent graduate of rehab, I can tell you my theory for this "no changes" thing-where I went, we were educated on this disease. I used to think I knew a lot about it, well...you all probably know I was so wrong! One thing I learned was that there is such a thing as Post Acute Withdrawal, and this can manifest itself in many ways-and it can last a year or more. For me, it seems I am tired, my thinking is often hazy, my emotions can be more intense than before, I forget things, I can't concentrate, I am constantly confused about what day it is, I am finding myself eating more junk food than before I stopped drinking...some people get other symptoms, and there are lots of them, and some are triggers to relapsing so we were warned to note what happened and if they get too bad, get help. (Author Terrence Gorski has a couple good books on relapse prevention, I have one and have read parts of the other and recommend either!) But I think PAW is one reason it is advised not to make changes-because you won't really know how you feel sober until a year or more has passed. Do you want to get married/divorced if your feelings may change in a year? Same with moving, or anything else major. I was considering job change, but think even that may be unwise, given my concentration problems-I might have trouble learning anything new, and end up fired-and it wouldn't even be a fair trial I gave myself at the new job!
At AA yesterday, someone also mentioned how it usually takes one and a half years for your brain to return to normal after you rid it of alcohol or even prescription drugs like antidepressants. Your neurotransmitters get really messed up by drugs, so it takes time to fix that damage. The person saying this is an RN, and seems to know what he's talking about.
I guess the truth is, when you drink as most of us have, you may not feel it doing much to you, but it did change your brain. I may not have suffered physically much, but I know my thoughts have been warped and twisted. I've been obsessed with it, maybe even possessed by Ol' Demon Alcohol. To change from my usual priorities to putting drinking number one, my brain obviously got a bit altered. So getting rid of the alcohol will also change it-and like when I drank, it is gradual.
So I bet experience shows that even if someone feels it's right to make big changes because of how much better they feel after getting sober, until enough time has passed to see how they really feel, big changes are not advisable. Quitting alcohol is a big change in itself, staying sober is a challenge of its own, and to add more stress or change (even good sorts) may increase the odds of relapse.
I guess the idea is, be patient, and forgive yourself for some of the annoying things you go through after quitting alcohol because it's normal. I know I feel this would be the time to do lots of change, but then I hit a lull in energy, or forget what I was just thinking, or fall asleep...good thing I didn't commit to anything too big yet! I may not like how I feel every day, I may feel even stupider sober than when I drank, but...as they say, this too shall pass! I think we need to accept the changes our bodies and brains will force us to go through, then when that's over, maybe we are ready for bigger changes again! A year or year and a half may seem forever, but it really makes sense to wait when you realize all you are already going through.
"Not all large decisions can be well made by simply listing the pros and cons of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the voice of intuition. If, in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.
"If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance, and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation, logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.
"But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear. Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience."
"It has often been said of A.A. that we are interested only in alcoholism. That is not true. We have to get over drinking in order to stay alive. But anyone who knows the alcoholic personality by firsthand contact knows that no true alky ever stops drinking permanently without undergoing a profound personality change."
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We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't do so to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.
