What are the statistics of permanent recovery resulting from divorce? Is it believed that for a full recovery you have to completely start your life over, and divorcing your spouse because maybe you feel as though your problems are a result of your marriage?
I'm curious to know how many have successful recoveries stay in their marriage, versus recoveries leaving and not trying to work things out?
Does all that make sense??!! Let's hear some stories.
I don't know nut'in 'bout figures of matrimonials nor divorces. All I know is, since I got sober ah ain't been divorced near as much as when ah was a drunk.
What they told me was to stay sober I had to have the desire and I could only do it for myself.
The folks at the following link ain't got no life, so, they might have your answer.
There are two parts in the big book that might help, re what youre looking for
One is "To The Wives"
Two is "The family afterward"
My take on it? This is a family disease..
From what Ive seen...during the time Ive been in AA
I know that if the Alcoholic gets into the AA program..one day at a time..and the spouse gets into the Alanon program..one day at a time....that most marriages survive and grow...into great partnerships.
Ive seen where the spouse doesnt go to Alanon..but is very supportive..and goes to open meetings with their A....and marriages have turned out great also..
Then Ive seen where ...if the alcoholic...is in their program...and the spouse doesnt get into a program, or is not supportive..One grows and gets better..the other doesnt..and they grow apart...
Ive experienced the part where the spouse would say...Youre the Alcoholic..and youre the problem..not me.conclusion?.....disaster...
Hope you find the answers youre looking for...All the best...
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I concur with Phil on this one. And would add a thought. Of all marriges in the USA half end in divorce anyway. To blame the alcoholism on the marriage, and so think that the solution is a divorce is probably not realistic. The solution is usually in improving our social and coping skills, and that is why then, when both do self-improvement the chances of marriage improvement are good.
The sections that Phil quotes are excellent,, and there is a section in the '12 Steps and 12 Traditions' book too,, included in Step 12, about marriage relationships.
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
oh it worked for me BIG time....when i was with my alkie X we drank all the time....now??? the separation has causd me to get in recovery and YES, OH yes, it is easier for me to stay sober...w/no negative influnces in my face, yeah!!! also instead of "hanging out w/him and drinking" i am at meetings, or fixing up my house, or doing some other CONSTRUCTIVE thing.....
i guess its a case to case thing, but for me???? parting with him ended up getting me into recovery and into a healthier life...rosie
Hi all, In my case I "discovered" I was an alcoholic 6 months after I filed for divorce, and then,went into treatment. He was extremely abusive to me and the children, and I drank to treat my anxiety attacks, and then I had two children die 10 months apart and I drank thru that. Bad decision, and then I couldn't stop. Have been sober 6 1/2 years now, and he still drinks, can't imagine being able to stay sober in that relationship. But this is only my experience. I am now living with the love of my kids, and making a living atonement to them for all the heartache I put them thru.
Life is good now, but I have to do it on my own for now, I don't trust myself to set the proper boundaries in relationships, so I have little dogs instead of men, that is a joke, sort of. I am good at little dogs.
I am new to your board, and am enjoying and learning from you all. Thank you for being there
