I just want to mention something - that came with me when I moved from the bay area. There was a Suggestion at the beginning of ALL AA Meetings that before the meeting began, it was stated, Please limit your shares to five minutes if you can, so that others will have their turn, and PLEASE, no cross-talk (which meant do not comment on a share). That would give the person the feeling that when he was speaking from his heart, he could speak freely, without the fear of "good intentioned" advice following what he needed to get out, whatever that may be, so that he could remain sober for that day.
Sometimes it was a little stiffeling, because if you saw a person Breaking down in tears, over something pretty tragic, your first human reponse was to go to his aid. But that was usually rsolved by a person, any person usually,sitting next to that person, offering a warm gentle touch. That was the extent of the response that was allowed.
It made the meetings feel "free", and that was so imperative to all of us, most of us being recovering CoDependants, it was a valuable learning lesson, to stay out of the way of what was going on in someones life.
Sometimes the emotions of the meeting were really "all over the Board" someone talking about the joy of Just getting Married, Sober, and then someone sharing about the death of an immediate family member. Always a very mixed bag. But somehow, when the meeting was over, then if someone wanted to ask for an opinion, only then would someone really be free to give their opinion. The suggestion at the beginning of the meeting flowed out into the conversations that would follow. And my recall of that was that that Suggestion of no cross-talk, had a very, very Powerful result. The end result was a learning the process of Inter-dependance.
This board is not an AA meeting, I do know that, but many times when I see the bantering that goes on, not usually, but on occasion, it does feel very stiffeling to me. No longer have that rigtht to express myself, without someone monitoring or calling me on something I had said, that person, whoever they may be, could not possible see inside my mind and know what it is that I am trying to say from my heart. When someone has something to say, that is non-supportive, I wish they could just keep the negative critique of what i wrote, to themselves.
It does not inspire fear so much as it inspires feelings of being annoyed, which will lead to an overall feeling of resenting "their take" . What I have to say on this board is my business, no one elses. I never "go after anyone" and I would appreciate that, in kind.
This board has been so great, i was so inspired by all the Loving and Kindnesses that was poured my way, when I began, I would sure like to get that back. We are here for the suffering alcoholic, in and out of this Program. And I don't know about any one else, But I not here...... because I'm Well.
My Post was just a story about how it used to work in AA, where I grew up in. Not a Suggestion for this Board.
but My thinking is pretty simple, as i begin my Day, which is going to be a good one, What is the ancient saying "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything."
My Love to all this Sunday Morning,
Toni
This board is really lacking in new people, that's why we are here (in my opinion) and I wish that would change.
For me today, the depression wasn't quite so bad. Some days are worse.
I admit, that when I sign on to the board, on days that I am not dealing with the depression as well, and I encounter a lot of "bear baiting" going on, I do best to just quietly sign back off, before I sink a little deeper.
Today I must be starting the turn-around toward my manic side. I tend to enjoy that side a lot more.
I think cross talk is cool, actually. Sometimes someone might have a different take on something and adding to that just makes it better or there have been many times when my thinking was limited and someone's cross talk opened up a whole new perspective for me..... However, I think "sharing" should be limited to HOW the topic pertains to the individual and how that person uses it in the practicing of the program......
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
i have always tried to keep the "focus on me" likewhen i share?? it is MY experience...MY "what i would do" i think it stays in safe territory that way...not saying "you" i think helps the recipient not feel like they are being judged, etc.
kinda like if i were at a meeting...i would share about ME!!! and what i did/ experienced........peace/ rosie
Well, I had been thinking of how my meetings used to go, that's what I was writing about, this Forum is an Open Discussion Group, and of course, there is cross talking all over the place, as any Discussion Group goes. That's why I'm here.
Maybe it was out of Context, to write about it, but I was only sharing some stuff. that I remember enjoying, there were also AA Discussion Groups all over the bay area. I ended up liking the one I described, the most, it was an Alano Club, that had a lot, and I mean a lot of new people coming in every week. That made it my favorite.
This forum sometimes reminds of an Open Discussion Group that I attended at a Recovery Home, once a week, full of new people in the home, and it was a Recovery Home that I had personally had been through many years before.
I have also had a preference for meetings that are full of new people, It has a way of keeping things real fresh, and simple. No matter what, DON'T DRINK, and then Don't Drink, no matter what.
So it might have sounded like I was "knocking" this Discussion Group, but I'm here, and staying here, I was only looking at the differences, between Discussion Groups and some Closed AA meetings.
We don't live in a Perfect world, I keep forgetting that. HA! HA! HA!
