I am a mother of two children 3 and 2 I have had 13 months sober upto November 2005 and I was secretary for a meeting. But I picked up 8th November 2005 and got done for drink driving. Since then I have found it hard to put the drink down for good. I can go several weeks or even a few days and then it happens again. I am scared to talk to anyone because I could loose my children. I may be going into clouds (funding depending) but I am just so scared of life and full of fear I tend to stay in the house when I can. please advise. Would love to talk to other mothers or anyone who has had a drink drive charge.
welcome to the board. It looks like you're beginning to see where the drinking is getting you, as opposed to where we always intend for it to get us. sounds like one of our vicious cycle things. We drink to solve the problems but the drinking causes problems. the drinking is a symptom, as they say... so the issues look like that you are full of fear, but it is compounding. We can give you advise,,, and it sounds like you really do know what you have to do - get sober. When you were in the program earlier, were you working the Steps?
I hope you keep posting here, we can't give you advice but we can be supportive to you in the good efforts that you know you have to make. So, keep coming. The bottom is whereever we stop digging.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Only advice I can give is to see what professional counseling might be available. Are you working, and, if so, does your employer have a Employee Assistance Program(EAP)?
A professional counselor will maintain confidentiality, but can help.
Trudi, I am glad you are here sharing what's happening in your life. It sounds like you know what sobriety is and you have had a temporary set back, all you have now is today. Have you been to meetings, called someone in your group, talked to them ?
What has already been said by Amanda and Sick is good, keep posting... it's not over , it's a new beginning, you don't have to drink today. Step One, you're there.
Glad you are here, it took 10+ years to finally get that swinging door to AA finally stay OPEN all the time. Meetings would be triggers for me, and I would go a meeting, and get something to drink on my way home.
have you thought about couseling? as mentioned above, and I saved an article on Antibuse - the article was from England, sent it to someone,
and if you would like me to send you a copy, I would be happy to. It talked about the use of Antibuse, not really being used much in this country, but in England they have a different view about Relapse, it is referred to as a Medical Emergency, in England and doctors work closely with their patients, and encouage the use of this drug. Just some food for thought, so you can Private Message me, with your email add. and I will send you mine, if you want, with a copy of that Article.
I know how defastating a Relapse is, (I remember it like - you are going along doing well - and then - wack you are drunk, the deadly, and the incideous, and cunning nature of this disease is kind of mind blowing, I feel for you, but we have a potentially terminal, life threatening disease, the only treatment is to not drink, and when you are in the "Grip" of this disease, can be so friggen freightening. But keep moving forward, don't let the negative stuff get you down, just keep doing what you are doing, and like many of us that know the Relapse process by heart, we still can make it, Relapse is one of the main Symtoms of the Disease. Gorsky has an excellent book called Relapse Prevention. A real good Read. i have a friend of mine that Relapsed for 25 years, and after reading that book, has finally put 13 months together.
welcome to the board, you have come to the right place! We all are scared to loose something we don't want to loose (house, kids, wife, jobs etc). Alcohol is getting us in trouble. You have been trying hard to stay sober, that is probably your best decision ever! Stick to it.
I posted a quote a while ago that keeps me on the right path, I want to share it with you too: think of it when things get hard:
"It isn't easy, but it simple"
Just take it one day at a time, and come back here to read, to post and to share. It will help you and others too!
Thanks Amanda for your reply to my post. I did work the steps on my first stint in AA and I am staying on step one for the moment because right now the most important thing for me to remember is that I am totally powerless over alcohol and if I drink again my life becomes totally unmanageable. Been to a meeting today which has helped. But I still keep feeling like a failure because my recovery has been so up and down rather than some who come to their first meeting and never drink again. Part of my problem is that I constantly want answers always trying to look back over my life to see where it all went wrong, but I feel I must accept the reason I drink is because I am an alcoholic and there is no deep dark reason for it. I have not had a drink today and that is the most important thing. Thanks again from Trudi.
Thanks for your reply to my post. I dont work as I am a full time Mum. I am seeing a councillor at my local doctors surgery and it does seem to be helping. I will hear on Tuesday if I have got funding to go into Clouds. But if I dont get the funding I will stick with AA work hard on the steps and do everyting I can to stay away from that first drink. Thanks again for your reply from Trudi.
Thanks for your reply to my post. i have been on Antabuse before a couple of years ago but it didnt stop me drinking I would not take the pills for a couple of days then drink and be really ill because the antabuse was still in my system But the book you mentioned about relapse prevention sounds good. I am having councelling at my local doctors. It does me good to hear I am not the only one in and out of the doors of AA but I have been to a meeting today and will also be going tomorrow.
Thanks for replying to my post. I am in AA and was even secretary of a meeting before my relapse. Have been to a meeting today I do have a sponsor and am working on step one over again. Not had a drink today, so today I am a success!
Thanks Franklin its very true that it isnt easy but its simple. I just make it so complicated! I need to remember the keep it simple and keep it in the day slogans. Not had a drink today and been to a meeting so maybe I am in with a chance!
Thanks Rick, its true it does get harder after every relapse but all I can do is get back in not drink a day at a time and pray to my hp for a bit of guidance.
Thanks Franklin its very true that it isnt easy but its simple. I just make it so complicated! I need to remember the keep it simple and keep it in the day slogans. Not had a drink today and been to a meeting so maybe I am in with a chance!
At first I did feel real stupid and insecure to follow 'steps' or live my some 'rules'. But remember these steps and rules have helped so many people before us! It is probably not the only way out of the shit we are in, but it is a proven one! I started a little ritual every morning celebrating a new day of sobriety, greeting the sun, greeting the birds, making coffee and tea etc. I created a pattern for the 24h I had to face. Waking up early, showering etc. going to bed early too, trying to sleep even if I couldn't and wanted to smoke, to drink or whatever.
It helped me through the hardest first weeks and now I even start to like my new daily rythm. And enjoy each single day you haven't been drinking. Don't think about day 30 or day 60 or year 10... just today! Today you must not drink! And repeat that tomorrow.
Good luck trudi and come and share here how you are doing!
Thanks Franklin, I think I do need to revise my daily routine and I think it would be a good idea for me to start the day in a similar way to you. I am living in the day because we only live once and crossing off each day on a chart is something I have done before and that seems like wishing the days away. I am trying to live the steps each day rather than just read a bit about them then forget them the rest of the time! Thanks again.
