Hi Jen,

Glad to hear you are feeling a wee bit better,  baby steps.  Sometimes I feel those dark holes are the equivalent of being hit by a big truck,  and you can't just get up, dust yourself off, and start all over again, like the song. 

It reminds me of when I have nightmares,  maybe one or two a year,  I am actually grateful for them, because I personally feel they are releasing all my pent up fears, but boy does it take a whole day to get back on my feet, so to speak.

I am going to take Gammy's advice and remember just how ______ whatever you want to call it felt like, how it changed, and remember for myself, it was temporary, like all of life.

I don't know about you but when I am feeling pretty good for no reason at all, just feeling good, like I love life, somewhere in there, (I don't really know the answer here, I'm  taking a wild guess here) I  might start taking the credit for the good feelings, I don't think I do that, because I always Thank God for all of it, but somewhere in there, I think I might be taking some of the credit, like Thank you God, We did it,  When it should be Thank You God, You did this.  it remains a Mistery to me.

I don't know - and there I think is my answer!  I don't know anything!  That is the beginning what I have to remember, always, is I don't have any and I mean ANY answers!!!! Now I am humble again.  And thats where I need to stay, and not stray away from that, feeling good, feeling bad, humble, and honoring whatever comes my way.  I am going to look around for that  Hazleton Book that Wallsa was talking about,  The Gift of Pain, would like to read it.

Anyway Jen, I hope by the time you read this  you will be better than a wee bit better.

Stay in touch.

Love, Your Sissy, Toni