I was going to meetings very regularly for quite some time, it is seeming very tough for me to get back into it. There are not a lot of meetings in my area and I hate losing time with my daughter.
I am reading the Big Book again and have been praying for help though it seems hopeless.
Welcome D. Little something about myself....I know what it's like to lose everything.....And I mean everything. And I know what it's like to feel hopeless. Not a good place to be. What I'm quoting here stands out to me in your post...And it boils down to two things......Not going to meetings and getting connected with some people that will take you through the 12 steps....The solution to our problem....May cost you a lot more than time with your daughter....And while reading the book is highly recommended...It's following the directions for the steps that are in the book with the aide of a sponsor....That solves our problem. It came down to two choices for me.....A....I either die from this fricken disease....I had nothing left to lose....Or B.... I start following some suggestions from people that had this thing working in their lives and get busy....I went with plan B. It worked....When nothing else ever did. I'm glad you are here....There is always hope....I just didn't know where it was.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Monday 4th of November 2013 04:12:33 PM
This is my first post here, I have been reading a lot of your posts over the past few weeks. I am on day one "again". I have had so many struggles with Alcohol over the last 10+ years. The longest stretch of sobriety I managed was about 6 months, but I am sure that is due to the fact I was going through legal issues with a DUI. The day my case was dismissed was the day I picked up again. Though i've had several legal issues arise from my drinking, I have managed to hang on to my family, my job, my house etc., though I know its only a matter of time before those will be gone.
It's an exhausting trend, I can NOW manage to keep myself sober for the work week (most of the time), and feel fantastic by the end of the week. Then I get so drunk on Saturday I can barely stay awake for dinner. The cycle continues on Sunday, and Monday I am useless trying to regain my sanity. I am a binge drinker and only drink at home.
I have a young daughter who deserves better from me, and of course my wife does too. I went to a meeting this Sat. morning hoping to get through the day, but that didn't happen. I was going to meetings very regularly for quite some time, it is seeming very tough for me to get back into it. There are not a lot of meetings in my area and I hate losing time with my daughter.
I am reading the Big Book again and have been praying for help though it seems hopeless. Its very hard for me to imagine life without drinking, I know that's pretty common. My built in "forgetter" allows me to keeping thinking its going to be better this time. Bull crap.
Anyways, decided i should post something here, any advice would be appreciated. I really want to beat this and live a better, happier life.
Hi D, ... Welcome to MIP ... sounds like you're one of us ... I think you'll fit right in ... you are in a place that we've all been in, day one ... some of us, like you, more than once ... you have described exactly the process I went through to earn my AA seat ... but at your age, I still had this deep down feeling that I could beat this thing myself and drink like a normal person ... (whatever or whoever that is, LOL) ...
However, as smart as I thought I was, I kept getting worse and worse ... then at the age of 55, I was very near death, drinking all day, every day ... I'd sober up long enough to go stock up on beer and liquor ... and repeat the process ... and I am here to tell you, you DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT ... cause with that comes a GREAT deal of suffering both physically and mentally ... I also lost a small fortune to King Alcohol ... almost lost my family but was lucky in this regard ...
You mentioned you wanted to 'be around' for your daughter, well, I hate to tell you, if you can't find the time to get in recovery, you'll probably not have a daughter a whole lot longer to worry about ... I've seen it happen over and over again ... dad tries AA, dad goes back to drinking ... dad wakes up homeless, penniless, and in a shelter, or dead ... I think you are starting to realize this and that's why you're here ... good for you ...
Now, go to a meeting a day for the next 90 days ... get a sponsor ... continue to read the BB ... work the steps and do a lot of listening at the meetings ... come here and ask questions if you have any issues with anything, that's why we're here to start with ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
First you may want to change your username to "b" willing.
I find the answer in AA's HOW IT WORKS where it says: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it then you are ready to take certain steps.".
I strongly suggest you Google and read HOW IT WORKS ... that simple 1 page document tells you how it works.
I found my direction & strength (and still do after almost 25 yrs) at the meetings. I had to begin to do what the good oldtimers did and were doing. I had to do it their way ... I had to give up MY way.
You can do this .. millions have before you and felt the same way that you do. You are not unique. I had to realize that I am just a garden variety alcoholic that needs AA.
I remember the first time I read this...It hit home.
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization......You know what that is?
Demoralization: To undermine the confidence or morale of; dishearten
Hi d willing..
so glad you posted and congratulations on one day! I have tried several times to quit drinking in the past too. This last time, I told myself that I was going to try not to let myself worry about those other times I wasn't able to stay sober. I have a few months of sobriety and I look at each day I can stay sober as an opportunity for me to feel better both physically and mentally.
I pray everyday, and there are days when I don't feel "heard" but I still pray and feel like it has helped.
I too had a DUI and was sober after that because I was forced to not drink. Just like you, after that was over, I started drinking again. That was a few years ago, and I beat myself up for the longest time over that. I beat myself up over so many other things which happened because of my drinking. Now I am grateful I haven't killed myself with alcohol and have been given another chance. I am healthier, happier and actually look forward to waking up in the mornings and love being sober. I did attend 90 meetings in 90 days and still go to one meeting a day beyond that. I have found that it has helped me being around people who are like me and are trying to stay sober, rather than being with active drinkers or being alone and drinking at all hours of the day. I don't think I would be sober very long if I attended meetings sporadically. At first I thought I didn't want to devote that much time attending a bunch of AA meetings until I realized that I have spent many hours, months, years of my life drinking. Also, there were times I was not really "there" for my daughter because I was intoxicated sometimes....really I should have had my butt in AA years ago. I hope you continue to post and let us know how you are doing. This is a great board with lots of folks who have been through what you are going through and will be here for you so you don't have to feel so alone anymore.
I am trying to keep my mind busy, reading as much as I can and praying constantly. I'll keep coming back to this board to gain strength during the day, as I am really going to need it.
God Bless you all
Ah, yes ... ... ... early in recovery, my mind was all over the place ... racing from one thing to another and back ... it was very hard for me to 'concentrate' on any one thing for more than 1 minute ... I got busy too, I read a ton of stuff and I started cleaning the house, (my real house you guys, LOL) ... and after my first few weeks, I had the cleanest house on the the street, bar none ...
My point is, we find staying busy, a great way to keep our mind from drifting back to our 'old' way of thinking ... it just helps ... that and going to as many meetings as we can possibly fit in ... I see some others here did what I did ... I was sooooo sick when I came back to AA I went to at least one meeting a day for almost 2 years ... I was so broken, I became willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober ... (90 meetings in 90 days works for a lot of newcomers ...)
It worked!!!
God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 5th of November 2013 09:36:25 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome to the board. In my case I had to put AA before everything I didn't want to lose. The first year that meant going to at least one meeting every day, sometimes two, getting a sponsor, working the steps, and getting every job I could at my home group. I found it quite astounding that when I wasn't drinking, I had plenty of free time to attend meetings. For me, a majority of my day was spent recovering from drinking, thinking about and planning drinking or being drunk.
So I am on day 2 now. I did go to a meeting last night, I chose one that I had not been to before as I have struggled to find meetings that I like (i know I need to take the good I hear and leave the rest). I was able to talk with someone who got their 30 year medallion at the meeting, I had saw him around for a while when I was in the rooms before.
I am just taking it day by day and will try and do 90 in 90, you are all right when you say that I found time to drink and escape from reality, I can find time for meetings. I just hope my wife continues to support me, as our daughter can be a handful, and my wife has her own demons she struggles with. I know she knows this is whats best for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes you know the right things to do, its just easier to take the wrong path you have been traveling for so long. I am not going to give up this time, there is too much at stake, and frankly I am exhausted. This is hopefully where I go a new road that will lead me to happiness.
I am trying to keep my mind busy, reading as much as I can and praying constantly. I'll keep coming back to this board to gain strength during the day, as I am really going to need it.
Sometimes you know the right things to do, its just easier to take the wrong path you have been traveling for so long.
We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.
BB pg 58 from How It Works
Working the steps is the easier softer way...Maybe you can ask that oldtimer you talked with last night one question.....Will you take me through the steps as laid out in the book?.....It could be the beginning of a new life for you. Sounds like you are ready for one.
