Good morning everyone! It's a beautiful chilly November day here in Iowa, and things are good. Hope everything is good with you. This morning I was thinking about the ways that the A.A. acronym H.O.W. -- Honesty, Openness, and Willingness -- began to manifest itself in my life through the early months of my sobriety. When I was presented with becoming Honest, I pretty well understood what that meant. Because I knew that I knew how to be Dishonest, I knew that I could finally start being Honest. It was an easy concept. Willingness is something I understood equally as well. Knowing how to be unwilling, I knew I could become willing to do things I never wanted to do before. I could grasp that concept as well. However, the idea of Openness was somewhat ambiguous to me. I just didn't understand it. I didn't know how to be "Open". So, unsure of what Openness really meant, I worked on my Honesty and Willingness as I tried to make progress through the Steps. But, here's what transpired: As I tried to become Honest and Willing, a sense of true Openness began to come into view for me. I guess it really started one day when a peculiar thought occurred to me as I was mulling something over in my newly-recovering alcoholic mind. It suddenly occurred to me that I could consider the possibility that I might be wrong. Wrong???? Me?? Really?? I'd never thought of that before. Well, this strange thought was very much like winning the "sobriety lottery" for me. I knew it didn't come from my egotistical mind. It had to have been a gift from Above and Beyond me. It opened doors that I didn't even know were closed to me because it was a baby step towards humility. From that point forward, I gradually became more and more Open to ideas that could change me inside. Yes, no matter what I think about something...today I know that there is a possibility that I could be wrong. Once I considered that possibility, everything opened up for me because I became more open. Blessings to all, Mike D.
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
BB pg 8 from Bill's Story
The first time I read that I saw where my alcoholism had taken me. I had been beaten so badly I had nothing left but to drop to my knees and say...God please help me.....And mean it. Things started happening for me from that moment. I was in a rehab for the first time....I'd been given a Big Book and I was as openminded as far as AA goes as I could be. I knew absolutely zero about it. I'd always avoided it...But I knew my way didn't work...And I always ended up back where I was. Countless vain attempts.
I think I was a week out of detox and a lady in rehab asked me if I'd like to go to a 6am meeting with her the next day...I was in no position to say no. I went with her and sitting in front of a large group...They asked if anyone was new. I introduced myself and said the words I'd never said before....I am an alcoholic. And meant it. That was the beginning of honesty for me...I felt a wave of relief just saying it.
They talk in the book about letting go of our old ideas....And casting our prejudices aside...This is openmindedness for me. After leaving rehab and finding a meeting near me....A couple days out...I heard an oldtimer who is now a great friend say...When we come in here we have to check our egos at the door. I'll never forget it. Humble myself and become willing to take suggestions...And then have the courage to ask God and others to help me.....Willingness...It was like the three of them were wrapped up in one nice package for me....
Honesty...Openmindedness...Wlillingness...
After that it was clear to me....Get on the path....And thoroughly follow it.
I am grateful for this post and I see Alcoholics Anonymous as a large room with many doors leading to the understanding of sobriety. I read your posts; posts which come from several members who have entered thru different doors of awareness from experiences and myself coming to the same understand. For me I came to understand HOW when first my fear dissolved after asking my HP to be my HP instead of alcohol and our disease. i didn't know the acronym HOW then even though I knew the words. This like all of you was new experience the difference in HOW I live my life. My personal program up to that point would have to be abandoned for this new program I new little about and I had to use resources I hadn't not used for decades because I gave in to fear for and in my life. I was afraid to be Honest for more reasons than I could count at that time or knew exsisted. I was afraid of being Open for still the same reasons and I was afraid and ran or isolated and put my open hand up to others who cared for me and we willing to help me help myself. I was too fearful and therefore unwilling. I have no problem with HOW today to the same degree that fear is no longer a part of my life. For me Fear is the opposite of Love. Both cannot exist at the same time in the same place for me. When I love I do not fear and if I fear I cannot love. And in counsel with my HP I have been reminded that Love is HP's name and that is documented in elder writing and most of all I know it because of my sobriety today. I would not have been led to it, into it, thru it and now live with it had I not been loved by a power much greater than my fear.
Hi Zoomtop, Thanks for your response about H.O.W. I liked what you said about going back to the meeting and setting them straight on the real story...the one without the embellishments. You sound like me and every other alcoholic I've ever known. What you did was right on the mark. The way I finally stopped telling lies and partial-truths was when I made myself go back and un-tell all my past lies, one lie at a time. It was in the Steps that I learned that every wrong thing I had done could be un-done. Undoing my wrongs gave me a tiny sliver of humility and my first glimpses of the feeling of joy. Thanks again and have a great week. Blessings, Mike D.
