Today was my first meeting.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Today was my first meeting.

debird17 · Veteran Member

Today I attended my very first meeting. I told myself last night that I could have a glass of wine since I was making the first step. I did not but that is my mind set.

It took me a very long time to figure out that I needed help after crying for 3 days on and off and not sleeping I got the courage to attend a 6:00am meeting before work. I was so scared I could not stop crying. I didn't know what to expect.

There was another women there so that made it easier but most where men. I finally got up the courage to speak I didn't intend on it but I felt I needed to. I told them what my job was, that I was a grandmom and that I was having a lot of family issues I didn't say what they where just that I was having them. I was tired of being a closet drunk.

After I spoke a senior member with 18 year sobriety spoke. He basically told me I might of shared too much of myself I could if I wanted to but it didn't matter what my job was. I felt like I broke a important rule which being so new to the program I was unaware.

After the meeting the other women came up to me and said she was very proud of me coming and she hoped I would be back tomorrow. I will be back but I'm now afraid that I will be guarded about what I say.

Can anyone tell me what the rules are about sharing? I am going to attend another meeting tonight at another location I think I will just observe.

Thank you all for your help.

debird17 · Veteran Member

Thank you for your post. I only spoke for a minute but I guess I was feeling so emotional I just let it all out. I am going to another meeting tonight and again tomorrow morning and I will try and stay strong. You do not know how much it means to have this place to come and learn and know that people are here to help and share.

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

Hi debird, and welcome! Good for you, for speaking up at your first meeting. That takes some guts! If you are willing to do the "scary stuff" like that, you are off to a good start!

I would not be concerned about what the man said to you. There really are no 'rules' about what we share in a meeting, and it's likely he was just offering some guidance to help you. The thing is, although you CAN share whatever you want at the group level, sometimes it's better to save some specifics for discussing one-on-one with a sponsor (a sponsor is person who has experience staying sober in AA who can help you learn about the program and help you work the 12 steps to help you recover). Those topics you might want to reserve for a one-on-one discussion might be things like personal details about our relationship issues, maybe some legal issues, etc. I bet the guy was just offering some helpful advice to a new member.

Did you get a copy of your local AA meeting directory while you were at the meeting? If not, I encourage you to pick one up at the next meeting, along with some of the AA literature that is usually available at meetings. The meeting directory can help you locate plenty of meetings near you so you can try them out and find the ones that really make you feel most comfortable. For example, you might want to try a women's meeting to meet other people who might share some of the same issues you are facing. And of course, get a copy of the AA "Big Book". Just ask about some literature when you get to the meeting and I'm sure there will be lots of people who will be more than happy to help you out. And again, welcome!

debird17 · Veteran Member

Thank you for the advise. I think you are right about him offering me guidance. I did get a copy of the directory and there are many meetings that I can fit in around my work schedule. I was given a copy of the "Big Book" and I started looking at it during my lunch time.

I realize today is just my first day and I have a very long road to go but it helps to know that I am not alone on this journey.

Zoomtopz · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Marie , welcome to MIP & AA .

Marie , we share openly & honestly , I think at times we ought watch what we say though ,

some people may take things "the wrong way" . Yes that is how a lot of us get here .

Not only being a 'closet drunk' just 'being a drunk' . You may hear "Our" simple message ,

"Don't pick up the 1st drink , and come to meetings" . Yes , it is a simple message , it may

not allways "be easy". Please keep coming back , to here & to your AA meetings .

I promise you , in sobriety , you Will have a brand New life .

not your old life , not your old life patched up , a brand New life .

Those same words were told to me on my 1st day of sobriety in a psych hospital over 27y ago .

Today , my life is FAR different than what my meagre existence was then , looking at a life in a

psychiatric hospital . All I had to do , was , "want this" . Yes , we Know we Need to stay sober .

But do we want sobriety . I did , I do & I got to be 'free' & 27yrs older.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Wow, Rick, 27 years of sobriety is awesome!!!

Marie, Glad that you are going to meetings, have a Big Book and are coming here. I have been coming here for just a while and the people here are just so wonderful and helpful. You will find that at the AA meetings as well. It is just so nice to have somewhere to come anytime of day when there are no meetings or you are unable to make a meeting. Hope you keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.

And a minute??? Wow, I don't know if it is possible for me to open my mouth and only talk for just a minute. I'll need to practice before I share anymore so I don't take up the whole meeting :)

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Good for you for getting to a meeting and getting a copy of the Big Book...I wouldn't worry that you shared where you work...I doubt if anyone remembers it. You don't have to...You can if you want. Good advice about sharing personal stuff with a sponsor. I'm going to post a site for you...Answers a lot of questions about AA for someone that's new...Even what a sponsor is...It's very well done. And I'm going to tell you something about that book...It's not a novel....It's a text book...With clear cut directions for the 12 steps...That is how we recover. The directions are The Doctors Opinion and the first 103 pages of the book...I'd recommend reading them and reading them again....The rest is good too...But the meat and potatoes is the directions.

I'm glad you found us here...We'll carry you along with us...Ask any questions you have...And like I said...This site will answer a lot of them. Welcome to the family.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html

P.S. The first one is scary to go to...And now you have that behind you. Now when you see someone with that scared look on their face....Coming to their first meeting...You can give them a smile and say hello. You've been there. We've all been there.

-- Edited by Stepchild on Thursday 24th of October 2013 10:06:46 PM

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to the board - it's a nice little family of regulars here. I think you'll find this helpful in addition to your meetings - I do. Glad you're here : )

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Well done , Marie. Keep coming back.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Marie, ... sounds like you're in the right place doing the right things ...

What is shared at meetings is supposed to stay in the room ... we are supposed to keep these things private between ourselves ... we have a recommended 3 minute limit on sharing also, but it's rarely observed ... we also have a guideline about no 'cross-talk', meaning if someone else is sharing, we don't 'butt-in' on them ... the chairperson usually keeps the meeting flowing pretty well ...

Glad you're here, God Bless,
Pappy

chelsea · Member

Thank you stephchild for posting that link! I'm early on in recovery and never read anything like that, just gathered information as I went along! I appreciate it :)
I too, agree that the first meeting is the absolute most difficult to go to. They get easier each time until you look forward to it:)

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Marie and welcome to the board also ...this is family and there is lots of recovery and Experience, Strength and Hope here...Take what you like and leave the rest. It is true that the only reason we get into, practice and continue to work the program is our desire to stay sober. I've never been in program so that others in program feel good with me. I listen to everyone's shares because everyone has something I could possibly use and we are all there for the same reason anyway. Personal opinions abound and people with time and with personal opinions use to try to intimidate me at first however besides being alcoholic I also have the ability to detach from people, places and things that don't set right for me and I know when those happen cause I either get defensive or angry or resistive openly...sometimes all at once. I drank that way and now I don't drink. If you keep and open mind you will find help. In support...along with the others. ((((hugs)))) smile

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Welcome...

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

chelsea wrote:
Thank you stephchild for posting that link! I'm early on in recovery and never read anything like that, just gathered information as I went along! I appreciate it :)
I too, agree that the first meeting is the absolute most difficult to go to. They get easier each time until you look forward to it:)

I'm glad you liked that...Welcome to you too chelsea!....Gathering information as we go along....That's what it's all about...Always remain teachable! That's a gift.

chris · Senior Member

Welcome, I learned a long time ago that just because someone has 18 years, 40 years, or whatever of sobriety doesn't mean they are working a good program. You'll figure out who the winners are, stick with them.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

chris wrote:
Welcome, I learned a long time ago that just because someone has 18 years, 40 years, or whatever of sobriety doesn't mean they are working a good program. You'll figure out who the winners are, stick with them.

Very true...I was at a meeting yesterday and a guy brought up that he was going on a cruise in two weeks...And did anyone have any opinions or advice for him. There was a guy there with 14 years that told him there is no way he should go..That he would NEVER get on a cruise ship...Because there was no way out!

All I could think about was the Eskimo on page 101.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

I shared that if my sobriety was based on fear...I'd probably just stop doing what I'm doing and go back out and finish the job. I did have some concerns he was questioning it...But as long as we are spiritually fit...Here is the rule.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

The guy with 14 years hadn't worked the steps...He said so....Not the kind of sobriety I'd want. It is pretty easy to pick people that are living the AA life...By what they say...And how they act. I clung onto them tight...Still do....So much knowledge freely given.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

There is a little hint on how to share in meetings, and what depth to go to, in chapter 5. It goes "Our stories disclose, in a general way, what we were like, what happened, and what we are like now"

One of the benefits of spending time with a 12 stepper before going to a meeting is that they will give you a guide as to meeting etiquette. For example: you don't have to share if you don't want to, don't speak while another member is sharing (no cross talk), turn cell phone off and don't text, try not to move around while someone is speaking, get a coffee before or after the meeting. Mostly just common courtesy, rather than rules. And when you share, try to talk about alcoholism and, if you can, try and share a little hope if something is going well for you.

Hope that helps.

God bless

MikeH.