Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on "feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, hi fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.
That was yesterday. Today, we don't have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don't have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.
We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that's appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don't have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.
Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it's showing us we're going in a wrong direction; maybe it's triggering a deep healing process.
It's okay to feel hurt; it's okay to cry; it's okay to heal; it's okay to move on to the next feeling, when it's time. Our willingness and capacity to feel joy will eventually match our willingness and capacity to feel hurt.
Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.
Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. lam willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.
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Deep in their roots all flowers keep the light. --Theodore Roethke
All flowers begin with the potential to grow and blossom. Yet in winter, perennial flowers are buried under the snow. Inside the dark earth, they are patiently waiting for their time to bloom. For the flowers, faith is believing that spring will return. It is carrying the light of summer deep in their roots so that even in times of cold and dark, there is hope that they will bloom again. When spring does return, they shoot out of the ground and burst into blossom. In times of light, they drink it deep into their roots--deep enough to sustain them through the next season of darkness. We can do the same, keeping the memory of good times deep within us, so that when we're feeling low, it will keep our faith in the happy future strong.
What helps sustain my faith today?
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I had to read it several times before I came to realize that I thrived on that type of pain. I don't believe I ever turned on "freeze mode" or ended a relationship when I felt hurt. For me, if I wasn't feeling Pain or hurt at some point, then something was missing. ANY relationship could be going along just great, and if some sort of drama didn't surface, well, I'd create it myself. Pain, hurt, drama, anger, or just plain old BS is all I've ever known, I realize now. It's the only time I was "feeling". My mom used to say, "the worse they treat you the more hell bent you are" Good old Mom was Right On!
Love ya, man!
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
When I had a few years in this program, and was working thru the fourth step using a book called "A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps" (AA approved, and for sale on this site).
Anyway, I discovered, along with therapy, that I was addicted to Pain, thought inside that I could now see I was also, a "Pain Junkie". have done so much work inside to correct same.
A couple of things, little sayings have helped me, when I get stuck in what could turn into chronic pain. First, that "Pain is a Given, Suffering is Optional", a Buddist saying.
Need to acknowledge things that really hurt, the deep grief that I felt for my Darling little Annie,was an example, had to deal with it, pull myself back when I was trying to run away for the deep pain of her not being here with me anymore. A committment to staying right there with those hurt feelings. SO I Could Move through them, I would Prayer a lot, when feeling that loss, and found Comfort.
The very wise words of a wonderful Therapist, "If you will stay right there with the feelings, there is a "Guanantee" that they will turn into another feeling." and "The only way around it, it right through the Middle of it"
When I drank, I really thought I had feelings, looking back, it was all part of a LOT OF MELLOW DRAMA, was a Drama Queen, which plays so well into That Co-Depependant Stuff. Read and re- read, "Co Dependant No More" many times, great book for illuminating my own errors on the subject of Drama.
That was some time ago, now when I observe someone spinning out in that Mellow - Drama stuff -want to remove myself- which i do immediately, so I don't get sucked into in. And in my head, I am thinking to myself "Boring Alert!, Boring Alert! MellowDrama is really so Boring. it just turns into another Mellow drama. (Been there, done that, aint going back and so on)
Alcohol is the tip of the iceberg, and when we remove the alcohol, we stop, look under the water and see this huge Dark iceburg that must be chizzled away, piece, by piece, by piece. so that Sun Light can come Through. As we chip away, we begin to see those little glimmers of light, which in turns makes us determined to keep chipping away so All of Gods light will replace that huge, rather ominous block to our own life force.
The Twelve Steps of this Program is the only way this can be accomplished, There is a need to do the Steps, when I have completed the Twelvth Step, pause and know for myself, that the process will need to be repeated.
When I first Read the Steps, thought to myself, going to be difficult, especially the 4th one, but after completing, and with the 5th step, feel the encouagement to go on to the 6th and 7th, and each one that follows.
No one ever told me that these steps would become a process in my life, year after year, after year. Woundn't want it any other way now. Steps for Living.
I don't know if the Response is making any sense, Phil, but you starting it! TeHe
God Bless you and Thank for all the inspiration that work hard at getting on this MIP workshop.
Toni B
P.S. I am now also beginning to sense that my Little Annie is still here, not physically, but right here in my heart.. and beginning to see that Love really - does not die. The pain is subsiding. I thank my Loving God for this new insight.
