He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.152
Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: "If I don't get a drink I'm going to die," competed with "If I continue drinking it's going to kill me." Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholism - with no reservations whatsoever - and one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program.
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Thanks for the reminder of being so far down, I could not see a way out. That final surrender, and the Miracle was from that position, I would see, through that very desolate place, a New beginning, just a very little glimpse, my words were at that moment "God, will you show me a different Way". The Miracle of Recovery began..........
He continues to show me...... when I remember to ask.
The bottom (where I have been on many occasions) produced for me not only acceptance of my condition but acceptance of my powerlessness over it. With that acceptance I was able to grab on to the arms of the almightly which were always there. I was then lifted to the surface for air. Thank you for reminding me today of where I have been, how far I have come and where I should direct my gratitude. These are things I don't ever want to forget. Acceptance for me needs to be daily.
Thanks again Doll for posting the Daily Reflection. I think people in my AA home group get tired of me saying that acceptance is the key to all my problems today...Once I accept something as being exactly the way it's suppose to be today, I can take action to do whatever I must for me.When I got on my knees and ask God to take the desire for alcohol from me, I had finally accepted I was alcoholic, and that was the biggest action I could ever take. I accepted that alcohol was in control and I needed a power bigger than it, to remove it.
