As I have said before the A that is in my life is my mom. She was ok with the idea of me being on the MIP Alateen, Alanon, and ACoA message boards when she found out. She is would be ok if I started going to Alanon. This makes no sense to me....can any of you explain this to me?
It sounds to me as if she's trying to be a good mother and do the right thing for her child. Take her up on it. Get to a meeting, it will help you soooo much.
You're in my prayers.
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
With me and my child,, I knew on one level that I wanted to be a good mom, and on another level that I couldn't be as good as I wanted to. Sometimes we get compulsive and do things we really struggle with trying not to do. So on one level if a child can find a good way to get the things that I can't give,, that is great. I have sent my child to AA also when showing signs of following the same family patterns. I, as a parent, and a single parent, know I can't be all that my child needs, so I welcome relatives, friends, and support groups to pitch in. 'It takes a village to raise a child'
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
When I was drinking, I knew that it was causing problems, even though I would/could not admit that I had an alcohol problem. I was in frequent turmoil with myself, not wanting to give up my drinking, and thinking that, somehow, I was going to control it. I was psychologically and emotionally dependant on being chemically dulled to life around me.
I hated the negative effects that it had on my family, but somehow was able to keep making excuses for my behavior, rather than give up that 'wonderful' numbness that always began after the first couple of drinks.
I often had grand ideas of how I would be able to be the best father, husband, and successful, admired citizen of the community. I figured that I would only drink when socializing with others who 'seemed' to be able to be all those things. I always felt like I wasn't reaching those high standards, and failed to realize that, although I loved my children more than anything else in the world, I couldn't give them what was really important until I learned to like myself.
In alcoholism's typical, downward spiral, the more I felt that I wasn't succeeding as I should for those I loved, the more I sought to numb my feelings of inadequacy.
I must apologize for rambling on so, but I hope that you may have a glimpse into the mixed up thinking of another alcoholic parent.
Also, please don't think that, because it may be caused by psychological or emotional weakness, that it excuses the behavior. The alcoholic still needs to be always reminded that they have a drinking problem, and not be enabled.
Get yourself into al-anon, and al-ateen, and they will help you understand more than my feeble attempts to explain the nature of the disease.
lanchas, Good for your Mom, she might have heard something good about Al-anon. Has she ever been in AA? I hope you go to a face to face meeting soon.You might even want to check out some open AA meeting in the future. I hope you and your Mom can be open with each other about what's going on in your lives. I posted about my son above in Zoomies post.I know you are educated about the disease, read your paper...so just be encouraged.
Alanon will teach you how to live with an active Alcoholic. When I was in my active Disease, no one really gave Alanon a try, your mom sounds like me. I was always telling my husband to go, for his sake. he only went three times. Said he liked the meetings, it helped me go back to AA. Then he stopped going, thought he had picked up enough info., he didnt need to continue. I think your mom is coming from a very loving place, in spite of her continued use.(if she is still drinking??????) let us know that too. o.k.?
If your mom was suffering from another terminal illness, that was tearing you up on the inside, would you go to a support group? for YOUR sake?
I wish you the best, and want you to know that as alcoholics, we discover, we are powerless over people, places, and things, and that is what Alanon might show you too. Loving detachment is a big part of my life today, with respect to other people, places and things, I am powerless over. I only have control my life today and everday, with my actions, my thoughts, and my deeds.
God Bless.
Toni
P.S. the book "Co-dependant, No More" is a fantastic Work Book , too
You can private message anyone on the board, by clicking on to their name, and clicking on "Send a Private Message"
I think it's great your mom supports you that way.
My last boyfriend had a drinking problem and so did my dad. When I told my boyfriend I was going to Al Anon meetings, (for myself, not because of him is what I told him) he told me we didn't need to see each other anymore.
As heartbreaking as it was at the time, it was the best thing that could have happened.
