OK, most of you know me pretty good I guess I try to always work this program and I KNOW it's recommended NOT to START a relationship in the first year. and I understand why. Here's my question: should I? shouldn't I? I haven't talked to my sponsor about this..He's not in the program & doesn't need to be......HONESTY people. Give it to me straight
Love ya all
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 19:19, 2006-01-02
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Doll, Honestly I can't tell you what you should do, every situation is different. Your sponsor is the one who knows you the best, she knows your past and she can share her wisdom with you.
Have you prayed about it? I think you have , I know you work the program.I will pray for you and I know you will find the answer that is best for you.
I believe that we have to move forward with our lives at some point. AA doesn't tell us to stop living, just to make sure our sobriety doesn't take 2nd place.
Is he completely aware of where you are concerning alcohol, and, is he completely supportive of that(which would be better yet)?
Yes, I've prayed about it. I know no one can "tell me " what to do and actually Gammy You know me better than my sponsor! She's good, but working AA for me is all the other AA's I hang out with and share with before and after the meetings........
Dan, he knows exactly where I am in this program and he's very supportive about it. He understands my sobrieity comes first....
I guess I'm afraid of all I've heard in meetings " thought I knew better, THAT relationship didn't work out" blah, blah, blah as Toni says.....
Phil, MAN! what a hell of an analogy! But I get it.
I value opinions / suggestions from each and everyone of you........ Thanks all.
Love you
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
I don't know nothing about anything, but why not just go out as friends for a while? Maybe take him to an open meeting so he can hear a few stories or go to church together. I know the last thing a guy wants to hear are the words "let's be friends" but maybe that's the price he'll have to pay for a while. Maybe don't even mention the friends part, just act that way.
In the beginning of relationships every guy wants the girl to be happy and have fun. Since he knows your situation it shouldn't be too hard for him to understand that you find happiness and fun through faith, sharing and sobriety. There's plenty of time for kissing at the carnival; no need to assume that's where the relationship will lead.
Doll, When I logged back in and read what I had posted I thought why did I say "can't tell you"?And I know you ask for an opinion,but I have a hard time with the wait a year before you do anything saying, because I don't believe it came from AA, it's more of a treatment saying.And I knew you prayed about it, cause I know you. It's sad that your sponsor doesn't know you as well as we do, she is missing out on knowing a great person. Have you called her?
And your are right Dan said it all. Sooooo, the final decision is still up to you and I loved Phil's analogy, makes me want to call my friend up who has a Harley and have her teach me to ride it , NOW! Even though I never wanted to when my ex tried to teach me....probably cause I was always to drunk.
Gammy I was not being critical of your reply at all, I hope you did not see it that way. Oops! I just meant that I will do what I will do - some things never change but I'm trying to keep doing the next right thing and I don't want to screw up me or him.
Gammy you're a sweetheart.
My sponsor is really good, but there aren't many women here with sponsor quality (or any quality for that matter) so she's stretched out with the one's she has plus she's a nurse and on call a lot. She's a great guide and I can always reach her if I need to, and I see her once a week for BB study, I just prefer working the program thru ya'll and my homegroup crew I spend time with. I'll call her tonight......
Toothpick, excellent idea!
Thanks for the love and support - I love this place!
thanks again - ya'll are the best!
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 15:18, 2006-01-02
-- Edited by Doll at 19:20, 2006-01-02
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
If my opinion matters - I think you should go out once and see what happens from there. If the relationship goes somewhere then all the power to you - if not well then you tried. Then this way you will not be wondering "what if".
All the best to you.
Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
well, whereever it comes from, I can really understand the wisdom in not getting involved for a year. I went through a lot of changes in a year. And, when I'm in a relationship I try to accommodate the person I'm with, and it's not fair to either one of us if I try to go in two directions at once. That is what it means by a 'selfish' program; we need to do what we need to do and be free to do whatever that means. So that means no commitments except for the commitment to change while working the 12 Steps out. Then later on, we stabilize more. We see a bit of what kind of changes we need to make, and if that means changing the kinds of relationships we tend to get into (from co-dependencies to more healthy relationships) then it is all good. But,, that doesn't mean not to make friends, so I agree with toothpick on this one. And I don't think we need to divulge everything to our friends,, or even our spouses, tho spouses more , of course.
So what is a dinner between friends? As long as everyone understands where things are at, and everyone can handle that. And I think a real friend is a treasure. A year of friendship is a good thing.. and then you can see where things are at at the end of the year. Now ,, that's as close to advice as I am ever going to give. But it still doesn't tell you what you have to do in this particular case,,, that is up to you and your Higher Power. Not even your sponsor can tell you what to do with your life.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Was gone all day from the board.......I have known people in the program with the same delemma - many,many times. And it does not seem that there really is an answer. I watched two people, that I really liked, who were new in the Program. She had 10 months, he had 6 months. I would always see them together, and in a few years, they got married, I thought she was really lucky, cause I thought he was Hot. TeHe.
Anyway, they stayed together, going thru all the normal stuff, people go thru, and they divorced in about 3 years. Well that's pretty normal too, these days. another HaHa
No advice from me, other than to ditto Gammy, and say Prayer about it, the answers usually come. When my children were older, and they asked me for my advice on a important matter, I would always tell them to - follow your Heart.
You must really like this person a lot, so I do wish you the best in you decision!
but I'm trying to keep doing the next right thing and I don't want to screw up me or him.