Well I think I found my answer re: emotional overload. The first speaker tonight was telling his story and a lot of it sounded like mine. Then when got to the part about finding AA, he said how at his first meeting he stood up, admitted he was an alcoholic and cried.
Bam! That was it, I felt such a sense of relief hearing that unsolicited admission. It's one thing to hear people say, "it's okay" after they know or have seen you in that state. It's quite another to hear it out of the blue.
I feel great and I can't wait until tomorrow's meeting. I think I might even be able to get some sleep tonight
So happy to read about tonight's meeting, and that you found that relief! Great way to start this new year.
There is a saying in this Program, "Take what you want, and leave the Rest"
I have used that thought a lot in AA. Sometimes, if I am at a meeting and not connecting well to the Topic, I will sit in my chair and listen for someone to say something that I can take home with me and use for the next 24 hours. It always works.
Congratulations on the Hard work you have been doing.
Thanks Chris, and everyone else. I do feel like a miracle is happening. Maybe that just my addictive personality, you know...100% or nothing; there's rarely an in between with me.
But I came to a few realizations last night that made me feel high. I won't go into them at this point until I can be sure that what I'm feeling is real. I didn't get much sleep again last night but it wasn't because of fear, and self-loathing. I was genuinely excited about everything that is happening. I know it's only been 9 days sober, but I already feel like a new person. I feel like I did when I first found drugs and alcohol: this is for me! At this point AA and me are like cornflakes and milk.
I actually started feeling guilty about how good I'm feeling because I know how much of a struggle AA is for people. Well, I'm sorry that I'm not going to be sorry about it. God has shined his love and grace upon me for a purpose. Today I do not regret or fear anything.
A lot of us tend to be 'all or nothing' 'black or white' people, and part of recovery is to balance and accept half a glass of water.
What you're feeling is kind of common for a lot of people in the beginning of sobriety... it just feels good to feel good. Our bodies get clear of the alcohol and it feels good. We begin to find that there are good things happening and that is good. No reason at all to feel guilty. Just be aware that we do come off the 'pink cloud' after awhile, when we start having to deal with some of the more boring, stressful, and unpleasant things in life and it is not so easy to cope with. But, even then, have no fear,, the biggest part of the recovery journey is learning new coping skills and social skills. It is a struggle with great rewards , which keeps us being grateful every day.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Thank you Amanda. At tonight's meeting, the guy I've been following around wasn't there so I tried to mingle as best I could. I met an older guy who looks and sounds just like my Uncle (my Uncle ran the Lowell House for a number of years, a great recoving alcoholic whom I have the utmost respect for).
So the first thing this guy says to me is "wow you look pretty good for a drunk." I said, "I feel pretty good for being a drunk." And we laughed. (I shaved for the first time in a week before the meeting). Then a few other guys joined us and had a nice short intro/talk. But he kind of echoed what you are saying...be on guard, don't take anything for granted, slow down.
After the meeting, they gave me the BB and asked which meeting I was going to tomorrow. I didn't have an answer so I got a temp. sponsor who I'm to call everyday no matter what.
Glad about another good meeting for you, and that was a good laugh,"You look pretty good for a drunk" There is so much good humor, in the rooms sometime. So glad you got yourself a sponsor. That helps SO much in the beginning. Glad also to see your are active here on the Board.
Some of us do have a much more difficult time getting in the Program, at least I did, but want to tell you that anytime I see a young person, "getting" the Program, it makes my heart smile.
Somethimes (when I am thinking perfectionistly) "What it would have been like, not to have wasted so, so many years, in the Disease". When the truth is we all have our own cards to play out in this life, and I nevertheless, just feel very grateful that I made it here at all, I thank God each day that He gives me the opportunity of a brand new life, daily.
Considering the dire prognosis, Prior to Alcoholics Anoymous, each and every one of us is A Miracle , I have believed from the beginning of sticking with the program, when I finally got it, I could see the Miracles right away , the Miracles we have been given, and am humbled by His Grace.
It's a good idea to make an agreement that a sponsorship is temporary when new to the rooms. Some people lam onto the first smiling face they see without really knowing the person. Some people recommend asking the chair person to recommend someone to be a sponsor. I know some other people who went to a few meetings and then got a temporary sponsor. This person sponsored them for a few months and then it was agreed that they would both move on. This is a good way to do it without getting hurt feelings a few months later when the newbie is ready to move on.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
God has shined his love and grace upon me for a purpose. Today I do not regret or fear anything.