How I loved my shadow, this dark side of me that loved all the things no one else could see. AMY TAN Our inner Addict is seductive. It tempts us to feel special, mysterious, dark, unique, and alone. Alone, that is, except for our alcohol and drugs, with their promise of comfort, relief, and understanding. Our inner Addict lures us with false promises that intoxication will ease our aloneness. What a lie! Our Addict is no friend to us. Our Addict can’t even love—us or anyone else. There’s only one promise it keeps: It doesn’t leave us. The Addict inside waits for the change to seduce us once more.
######ROSIE........oh yeah, my inner "wino" would tell me that too......."oh just a little buzz won't hurt you and you won't feel so crappy".....yeah, right!!!! now its prayer/ God work/ working the program......yes pain sucks, but the faster more sincere i deal with it i can get on with my business......when i escaped through drinking, sure, at that time, i am high/ copping a buzz so sure, i felt GR8 than....but than morning would come, the sun shining in my eyes, and my head is pounding, my mouth feels like the cat slept in it, my breath tasting like the bottom of my bird cage.....AND the problem is STILL there, and i am hung over.....yep, been there TOO many times.......so now?? when the old temptation to run to the grocery for that litre of wine???? i say GOD HELP ME......i call my sponser, i get on my trampolene if it is too cold for tennis and i jump till i am exhausted.....get that negative energy discharged IMMEDIATELY....i have even taken my tennis racquet and beat hell out of the chair.........i call addiction the darkness working on me.....i rebuke it with the blood of Christ and i work the heck out of the program.......if i keep my eyes pointed to my HP....i will be ok....that and the program.....i always say the perp and my addictions were powered by the darkness.......i defeated that with my HP whom i call Jesus and the 12Steps.......thank you DONE
The way we stay in recovery is to open up to others, stop thinking we need secrets, and experience real love, friendship, and intimacy. We start by facing and making friends with ourselves. Then we share openly and make friends of others. We don’t need darkness. We don’t need secrets. We need to be real!
######ROSIE......yes, OPEN.....HONESTY.......if i am tempted...i SAY so....i get with my sponser/ group/ meeting....what EVER....but be HONEST about it.......i am making friends with and falling in love with me, as i work on my self love affirmations.....and part of that self love is accepting me and my feelings/ and my temptations......the darkness thrives in secrecy/ hiding....i shine the light on it all !!!!
TODAY’S ACTION Today I will draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. On the left side, I will list ten lies my Addict-that seductive voice of addiction-told me. On the right side of the paper next to the lies, I will write the truth about each of these things. _________________
######ROSIE.....
LIE.....i can make you feel better!!!
TRUTH....you make me feel like crap and its only TEMPORARY escape
LIE......you NEED me
TRUTH....i need my God/ 12Steps/ dealing with my crap
LIE......your mother was a drunk and couldn't overcome so neither will you
TRUTH....i can overcome anything through Christ who strengthens me
LIE........you are a failure!!!!
TRUTH.....screw you, i am a sucess, i confessed/ surrendered YOU didn't i??????
LIE......but you can escape and have fun with me
TRUTH.......i don't want to escape anymore...i want REAL freedom and it isn't with you
LIE..........you come from family of drunks/ degenerates, what makes you think you can escape????
TRUTH......God/ 12Steps/ my WILLINGNESS to work the program, and GOD!!!!!
LIE........nobody gives a s*** about your program
TRUTH........i do and my God does and my REAL loved ones do
LIE...........you can't cope with life, you cannot do it sober
TRUTH.....i can cope with my HP and the program, and i CAN do it better sober WAY better
LIE...........i am gonna come against you and oppress you and you WILL give in
TRUTH.......go ahead "turd pile" and i am gonna pray to God..work my program....go to meets...
LIE........i can help you with your grieving... u even said recovery feels like crap
TRUTH....the only thing that is going to help me feel better is working THROUGH this crap....SOBER
LIE........get back with me so you can laugh more and when s*** happens you don't CARE!!!!
TRUTH.....NO!!! the only freedom for me is working through it...developing better relationship with me/ God/Life, and so when s*** happens, i can DEAL!!! FACE it!!! NOT run from it, but OVERCOME....
OK....my list as i thought of it..........hugs/ rosie
