To everyone here for your undertanding and supportive replys, I reacted to a situation with my partner last friday by picking up a drink and then running with it by projecting an outcome that didnt happen, My partner came home from work and instead of playing the end game I had built up in my head, she sat down and we talked and she even apologised for being unreasonable...that kinda took the wind out of my sails,...slept on it.. had a few glasses of wine together on saturday night, and havnt had a drink since...I have a major resentment with my sponsor as I phoned him for help as i felt i was in trouble but he never phoned back and still hasnt..I havnt been to a meeting read any aa stuff nor have i spoken with my higher power...untill today...it frightened me how quickly I snatched back control.... im feeling a little uncomfortable..brittle if you like..i feel isolated...i dont want to drink, but im not shure were to start from here..i was going over and over step 4 stuff in my head and just not wanting to get into it,
My suggestion, do your best to take it day by day. When you're ready, you'll know it. Don't push yourself on the steps. Sobriety is a journey. I have recently realized that my lapse in August was partly due to me wanting to run thru the steps. I am beginning to learn to take it slow, afterall, I'm an alcoholic and I want what I want and I want it now! Just acknowledging that character defect that has helped me a great deal.
Hang in there. Keep posting.........
Lots of love and hugs
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
