I went to a small big book meeting for the first time last night. It's a private meeting that my temp sponsor got me into with about 11 other guys in it who are all really decent stand up dudes from what I could tell. All very committed to their sobriety but still able to have a great time and laugh about it all. For some reason it was really intense for me and I left the meeting feeling really afraid. I was so upset that I took a wrong turn and got totally lost on my way home. I had no idea where I was and I felt like pulling over and bawling.
I think that it really hit me that this is serious, I'm in this, I've admitted that I'm an alcoholic and in my heart I know there is only one path to real freedom from it. I see the difficulty and the struggle that comes along that path and I don't want to do it. I don't want to be an alcoholic.
Welcome to recovery Duane! The work begins and you can do it. But you only have to concentrate on today. Some of the most wonderful people I know are alcoholics....and you know what, I'm okay with being one today.
Feel all the feelings you need to feel and do it sober, nothing else like it.
The only thing that can make the pink cloud burst, is getting drunk! It gets better, then worse, then better.............Hang on. Keep going to meetings, and just don't drink. You're doing great!
Hugs,
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
