These ups and downs. My moods have been all over the place. I had to take a walk the other day because my wife and boys were arguing. I found myself bitching at God and begging for an answer. If anybody would have saw me they probably would have thought I was a raving lunatic.
Good Grief! I'm going to meetings. I'm staying sober. My job is great- you get the idea! Life is going well but something is bothering me and I have no idea what it is!
Am I losing my mind?? My sponsor told me to expect this behavior during the first year. Things take time to even out.
I still feel like I'm losing it. I need some input guys- I'm begging! What's up with this up and down crap.
Kevin, Your sponsor is a wise person, the first year is tough.It will get better , let time take time, what ever you do , do it sober. You did the right things, going for a walk, talking to God, venting is great.
Is your wife in Al-Anon? Just wondering?
Read the bottom of page 83 and top of 84...The Promises..in the Big Book.
You are doing okay, you are doing what you need to do for you. The hardest thing for me to learn was it's not up to me to fix everyone around me, I have to fix me.
Stay sober, keep going to meetings, listen and learn, scream at God when you have to, He's big enough to take it.
No, my wife is not in Al-Anon. She is, however, very supportive of the time I must take away from her and the kids to go to meetings.
An amazing thing happened after I made my initial post this afternoon- maybe divine intervention? I don't know-
My sponsor stopped at my house today and we talked it out some more. I think I have a better understanding of it. At least I do now, I have no idea what tomorrow may bring.
It sounds like you are doing great! You are exactly where you are suppose to be. I don't think anyone will share that it was easy. The spiritual program is the key, and it sounds like you are working on that. Keep talking to God. Your spiritual territory will enlarge. Page 449 of the Big Book 3rd edition was the tool my sponsor used on me the most in the first year. Reading, studying the Big Book is of utmost importance. It has all the answers. The 12x12 also was a very beneficial tool for me. It helped to explain the steps in a little easier manner for me. Alanon was a very beneficial tool for me too. My husband and son were active in their addiction when I first came in. Thanx to God, they are both sober and clean now. They have been for quite some time. Keep it simple. The first year was the worst for me, but it does get better once you start on the steps. Service work was something my sponsor got me into right off the bat. Serving coffee, cleaning ashtrays, cleaning toilets, scrubbing floors, ect. Today even almost 10 years later, I will still clean toilets if I am frustrated or into self. It is very humbling sometimes, but someone has to do it. I am not beyond using, so I do everything that it takes. If you continue in your walk, you will see rainbows and sunshine in everystep you take. You will walk with a grateful heart, and you will have peace and tranquility beyond your wildest dreams. I wish you the best! Meeting makers make it. Thank you for sharing. You may not understand this at the moment, but you just gave me insurance on my recovery. Attitude of Gratitude!
Not sure how long it's been for you, but for me the first few months were like this. What do I do now? where do I go ? why am I coming out of my skin? AAAGGG...my sponsor had the solution...show up to the meeting early and make coffee, stay late and clean up, give people rides to meetings, call her daily, and start working the steps. Read the Big Book daily and get going on the program.
It's a normal thing...as you work the steps and gain time the peace and serenity just shows up without having to chase it.
Yep! What you described would be me some days! Just take it one day at the time is what my sponsor says and let time take time. I think it's important to listen to your body, get lots of rest, taking vitamins has helped me and I eat so much healthier these days, exercise is excellent for releasing endorphins. And I find it makes a difference when I try to just feel what I'm feeling at that moment.
Hang in there. And thanks for being here.
Love and hugs
Doll
__________________
* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Will it ever end???? yes it will!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i been there little things really could set me off to. you are doing great and doing the right things. some time slowly sometime quickly the miracle will happen. i promise. god bless u wagon
We often ask: "When will help come?" "When will this pain cease?" "When will my faltering faith be restored?" When? was the question asked again and again by the Old Testament prophets who wondered if God had forsaken them.
God makes no promise to answer the when question, for the same reason God never answers the why question-He knows we could not understand and would not accept His answer. We would only argue instead of trusting patiently and quietly.
God has never-anywhere in the Bible-promised to answer these three questions: why? where? and when? Questions that start with these words are seldom answered.
But God hears and answers questions beginning with how? or what? These questions sincerely seek wisdom and guidance.
How, O Lord, can I handle this? How can I go on positively? How, O Lord, can I believe that You do know me and care about me? How can I turn my hurts into a halo? And, How will You help me to become a better person through my pain?
What? is another question God often answers. Questions that start with what-like questions that start with how-are humble questions that, instead of provoking argument, sincerely suggest a willingness to invite and follow divine guidance. God promises to give us guidance, often with a holy hint from heaven.
JUst early soberity*******went thru the crap a couple times***to live or to die???? might as well be drunk if u have to feel this way sober???? sound like it??? It sucks!! It goes away or gets better in T I M E. I'm not a doctor but maybe you need meds?????????????????? just thinking here
No, I do not need meds - it would kind of defeat the purpose of sobriety IMO. I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this way. I'm not asking for a diagnosis
I didn't give u one. just E. S. H. A lot of people have problems--just trying to help-- Edited by Rick at 18:33, 2005-11-11 -- Edited by Rick at 18:34, 2005-11-11
I appreciate it Rick - I really do. I'm sorry if I came across a little brash.
