A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken belief #1: If you stop addictive use for a while and then begin using again, you have relapsed.
Fact: Relapse cannot occur until the addict acknowledges the presence of addictive disease, recognizes the need for total abstinence, and makes a decision to maintain sobriety with the assistance of a recovery program. Periods of abstinence before recognition of addiction are symptoms of the disease.
The basic steps in the road to sobriety form most chemically addicted people are:
1. Unregulated drinking or using.
2. Attempts to regulate by controlling quantity of intake or type of substance.
3. Attempts to control by pursuing periods of abstinence with the goal of returning to use. (If I can stop on my own it proves that I don’t need stop permanently.)
4. Making a decision to stop using but not changing your lifestyle.
5. Making a decision to change your lifestyle and pursue a program of recovery in order to stop drinking or using completely.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain abstinence for a period of time to prove that they can stop anytime they want to. They can then resume addictive use because they have “proved” that there is no need to quit.
Many addicted people drink or use in a final effort to test their control. They lose control and they learn the final lesson: I am not a normal user, I cannot control my use. They recognize that they are addicted and have lost control of their use. This creates a conscious realization for one interpretation of the first step in AA/NA.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain sobriety because of some external pressure (job, family, legal problems) that makes continuing to use very risky even though the person does not believe that he or she is addicted. These people have not "relapsed" after these periods of abstinence because the disease is simply continuing its progression.
The consequences of believing that any return to use is a relapse is that the addicted person is defeated before they get started. They punish themselves because they have failed in their efforts to stay sober before they have actually come to an understanding of their disease. They have a sense of hopelessness believing “I have tried and failed; I cannot do it because I have failed in the past.” They do not realize that they have never had the tools to recover. The fear of failure keeps them from trying again.
This mistaken belief also causes family and friends to “give up” on the addicted person and not support them in future attempts at sobriety.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #2: Relapse comes on suddenly and without warning.
Fact: The relapse process begins long before alcohol and drug use starts. The pain and discomfort of being sober often trigger the relapse process.
There are sobriety-based symptoms of addiction that emerge with abstinence. Unless a person learns to manage these symptoms, they can increase in severity until an abstinent person becomes as dysfunctional as before sobriety began. These sobriety-based symptoms may include and intensified awareness of sights and sounds, and overreaction to stress, emotional numbness, emotional overreaction, memory problems, sleep disturbances, or mental confusion.
Sobriety based symptoms can be controlled or minimized by learning as much about them as possible, good nutritional practices including supplements and exercise, and by learning to relax and have fun. If the symptoms are not managed, the dysfunction and stress can lead to a change in behavior, a breakdown in relationships and social structure, a loss of good judgement, and finally out of control behavior.
Many people are out of control before they take the first drink or drug. The relapse process can cause them to become dysfunctional even though they are not drinking or using drugs. In AA/NA this dysfunction is often called a “Dry Drunk.”
Addicts may use to relieve these symptoms even though they know that using will eventually bring severe consequences. If the knowledge of these consequences keeps them from drinking or using drugs, they may become dysfunctional in other ways.
There are many warning signs that lead up to alcohol or drug use. If you believe the relapse process begins with using alcohol or drugs and comes on without warning you are less likely to recognize early warning signs of relapse when they occur. You are less likely to take care of yourself and learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms of addiction before they become severe.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #3: As long as you do not use alcohol or drugs you are recovering.
Fact: Abstinence is only a prerequisite to recovery. It is not recovery. Recovery requires the appropriate treatment of long and short-term withdrawal symptoms, and the physical, psychological, and social problems caused by the addiction. It is switching from a lifestyle centered around using, to a lifestyle centered around healthy living.
Sometimes people recognize that they are addicted and sincerely attempt abstinence but do not understand that they need help from others and a recovery program to maintain abstinence. They just quit. They are surprised when they begin using again, not realizing that sobriety requires more than just not using.
Bill was an alcoholic who was also a diabetic. His doctors told him if he did not stop drinking he would die. So he quit. For a year he did not have a drink. However, he did not change anything else in his life. He continued to associate with people who drank heavily; he attended social functions where drinking was the focus of the “fun.” Bill did not find other ways to have a good time or relax, neither did he learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms or the resulting stress. He was abstinent, but he was miserable. After a year Bill said, “If this is what I have to do to stay alive, it is not worth it.” He began to drink again, and after a few years, Bill died.
Many alcoholics who never use alcohol or drugs are not in recovery. They have nervous breakdowns, become psychotic, attempt suicide, or become sick with stress-related illnesses. All of this happens because of what we call the “relapse syndrome.”
If you believe that not using is recovery and that using is the only sign of failure to recover, you will minimize other problems with your recovery and you will switch from a focus on using to a focus on not using. You will not focus on a sobriety-centered lifestyle. Focusing upon not using becomes an excuse for not looking at other life areas. Not using is not recovery; it is just not using.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #4: Relapse occurs because addicts drop out of treatment or stop going to AA/NA meetings
Fact: Most people stop going to treatment or AA/NA because they are already in the process of relapse. Discontinuing treatment and AA/NA is often the result of the relapse process rather than the cause.
For relapse prone persons, treatment and AA/NA do not always work. In the AA “Big Book” it says in chapter 5, “Those who do not recover are people who cannot (italics ours) or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault.” It is likely that these “unfortunates” drop out of treatment and stop going to AA/NA meetings because the relapse symptoms become so severe that it becomes impossible for them to participate in treatment or AA/NA. Relapse prevention does not substitute for but supplements AA/NA. Relapse prevention planning must begin long before AA/NA and treatment is discontinued. We call this the AA/NA plus approach – AA/NA, professional counseling, and relapse prevention planning.
Barbara became very upset when she heard someone at a Relapse Prevention workshop say that discontinuing AA/NA attendance did not cause relapse. She knew many people who had returned to using alcohol or drugs when they stopped attending meetings. It was impossible to convince her that these people may have been in a process of relapse before they stopped going to meetings or that the relapse progression may have been the reason that they stopped attending. “As long as I keep going to meetings,” she said, “I won’t relapse.” Barbara continued to go to meetings, but she never learned to manage the sobriety-based symptoms of addiction and she never learned to interrupt her relapse-warning signs. She never drank, but she did have a nervous breakdown with tragic consequences for herself and her family.
If you see the return to alcohol and drug use as a result of discontinued meetings, you will tend to blame yourself rather than seeking out new possibilities for help. You may continue to go to meetings but do nothing else to interrupt the relapse process. You will continue to try what has already failed repeatedly in the past. You will not leave yourself open to new possibilities, or “go to any lengths” to maintain your sobriety. If you begin to use addictively in spite of going to meetings you will believe that you are hopeless. “This should work. If it does not work it is my fault. There is nothing else I can try; so, therefore, I must be hopeless.”
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #5: Recovering persons will be consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse.
Fact: Most people who relapse or return to alcohol or drug use are not consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse as they are occurring. It is only when they look back later that they can see all of the things that were going on. There are several reasons why you may be unaware of the warning signs while they are happening.
The first is lack of information. You simply do not know what to look for. Once you learn about relapse warning signs you can learn to recognize the symptoms and take action before they get out of control.
The second reason is denial. When the relapse symptoms begin to develop, the old denial patterns come back. This is self-deception. The big lie, of course, is “I’m not alcoholic.” But sobriety –based denial can lead to the same path: “Sure, I’m and alcoholic, but I don’t have any problems. I can handle the stress related to my job and my family. Everything is fine.”
The third reason is neurological problems – that is, impairments of the brain and nervous system. These impairments create the sobriety-based symptoms of mental confusion, emotional numbness or overreaction, memory problems, and stress sensitivity. In early recovery these symptoms may create a “mental fog” that does improve in time. People in AA/NA say that they experience about one month of persistent and continuous “mental fog” in sobriety for every year of active drinking or drugging.
Sobriety-based symptoms may recur during times of heavy stress for the rest of your life, but proper nutrition, exercise, and stress management can reduce the severity. Fuzzy thinking caused by neurological impairment can interfere with the ability to recognize warning signs when they occur.
Because recovering persons are often unaware of the warning signs that lead to alcohol or drug use, it is important that you talk regularly with people who can help you recognize the warning signs that may be occurring.
The consequences of believing that you will be consciously aware of warning signs is that you will blame yourself for not knowing better. This will lower self-esteem further and invite you to hide your “stupidity.” Self-blame will increase stress and dysfunction. As a result you will be less likely to ask questions and be less open to feedback. If you are aware that there are hidden warning signs that precede a return to active addiction, you will not be motivated to watch for those warning signs and take actions to properly manage them.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #6: Once addictive people are consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse, they can choose to take action to make them go away.
Fact: Just becoming aware of the warning signs of relapse does not enable a person to interrupt them. They may not know what to do about them. They may not know what action will interrupt them. In other instances they may know what to do to control the warning signs but be unable to do it. Relapse warning signs often build up slowly until they become overpowering and become so severe that they cause a loss of control of thinking, emotions, memory, judgement, and behavior. So even when relapse warning signs are recognized, the person may be unable to stop them even with an effort to do so.
Sobriety-based denial can affect not only the ability to recognize relapse warning signs, but the ability to change them. Some people believe that bringing something into conscious awareness will automatically take care of it. They say to themselves, “Now that I can see that I am angry, I just won’t be angry anymore.” Or they say, “It is obvious I am under too much stress so I will just calm down.” And they do nothing to change their long-term, habitual way of dealing with anger or stress.
For people who do not know what to do to interrupt relapse-warning signs, relapse prevention planning can help them learn. They can develop the skills to interrupt the relapse process.
Those who know what needs to be done but are unable to do it need people to support their relapse prevention plan who will help them take the necessary action. But they must plan ahead. Some people say, “I’ll go to AA/NA when I need to.” But before they become aware that they need to, the symptoms may be out of control. Some people believe that they should be able to take action to change their relapse warning signs alone. This creates an obstacle to asking for and receiving help. It also contributes to guilt when loss of control occurs. Part of relapse prevention planning is using other people to interrupt relapse-warning signs when they occur.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #7: Relapse can be avoided by willpower and self-discipline.
Fact: Self-discipline and willpower alone will not prevent relapse. Relapse is the process by which an addicted person returns to their problematic old behavior. This relapse process can lead to alcohol or drug use. Alcohol or drug use happens because there is something missing in the recovery program. There are problems or conditions that are not being effectively managed or treated. There is something the recovering person needs to do, or needs to learn, or needs to stop doing. Without appropriate treatment and an effective sobriety program, self-discipline and willpower will not help.
Willpower alone does not prevent relapse with chemical dependency any more than it prevents relapse for a diabetic, a heart patient, or an arthritic. Chronic diseases require behaviors that keep symptoms under control. Chemical Dependency is a chronic disease. Attempting to prevent relapse by willpower only increases stress that intensifies the pain and problems that can lead to the progression of the relapse warning signs.
Recovering persons who think relapse can be prevented by willpower will try to “tough it out” when problems hit. They will believe they need to go it alone. The tendency will be to blame themselves for being weak rather than to acknowledge that they need special help. As a result they will not get the help that they need.
Jack grew up believing that he could accomplish anything if he tried hard enough. He was always a high achiever, making good grades in school and excelling in sports. He became a successful salesman and was able to achieve high sales in spite of his drinking. When he developed alcoholic hepatitis, his doctor told him that he had to quit drinking. With the help of AA he did and he made a firm commitment to sobriety. It was not uncommon to hear Jack say, “Now that I know that drinking could kill me, I will never drink again.”
But Jack did not know anything about sobriety-based symptoms so he did not know what was happening when he began overreacting to what was going on around him. He became so stressed that sometimes he was barely able to work. His sales performance was worse when he was drinking. Out of desperation he drank. He felt very guilty, sobered up, and resolved that it would never happen again. His resolve was sincere, but after a period of time he began experiencing the same sobriety-based symptoms and ultimately he drank again. By willpower, he was able to keep himself sober for a period of time, but relapsed so often that he was termed a binge drinker. He was really a relapse-prone alcoholic who believed that willpower could keep him sober.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #8: People who relapse are not motivated to recover.
Fact: Most relapse prone people are motivated to get well. They want to get sober and stay that way. They try everything they know in order to find comfortable sobriety. But nothing seems to work. Some cannot stay sober because they lack the knowledge of their personal relapse warning signs. Others recognize the warning signs but are powerless to control them once they develop. Because addicts begin to use again it does not mean that they did not want to stay sober in the first place. Alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease like cancer or heart disease. When a heart disease patient has his third heart attack, or when a cancer patient goes out of remission, we do not say, “Well, they just did not want to get well.”
When the alcoholic drinks after a period of sobriety it is not fair to say, “He just was not motivated. He did not want to get well.” Some relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe sobriety-based symptoms that they view alcohol or drug use as the only way out.
Andy, a relapse prone addict put it this way; “I reached the point in sobriety where I was so miserable that I believed that I only had three choices: I could kill myself; I could go crazy; or I could use. Under those circumstances using seemed the most sensible alternative. I did not want to die, and I was scared of going crazy. So I used.” Motivation alone, like willpower, is not sufficient to produce ongoing recovery. Specialized treatment for relapse prone persons is required. They need other options to the choices of dying, going crazy, or using.
If this is not recognized, relapse prone people who end up using will begin to doubt their own motives. A part of the individual knows he wants to get sober, but another part will begin saying, “If I really wanted to get sober I would not have gotten drunk or used those drugs. I must not be motivated. I cannot trust my thinking.” This is going to lower self-esteem and self-respect. It is magical thinking to believe that wanting something bad enough is all that is necessary for it to happen.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #9: When people relapse it means that they have not “hit bottom” yet and that they need more pain.
Fact: Many relapse prone people have “hit bottom,” but their disease has handed them a shovel and told them to start digging. In addiction, as in any other disease, a certain amount of pain is necessary to recognize that you are sick and in need of treatment.
When the pain of drinking or using becomes more intense than the pain of not drinking or using, most people become motivated to stop. But the decision to stop is not the same as the decision not to drink or use again. The pain of sobriety, for many people, is so intense that it can interfere with the ability to stay sober.
Too much pain can become crippling. Pain itself can make a person dysfunctional and unable to think or respond to treatment. Relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe pain as a result of their alcoholism/addiction that the pain cripples them. This crippling pain persists into sobriety and prevents them from getting well. The pain of alcoholism/addiction and the symptoms that occur in sobriety often contribute to the relapse process.
People who believe that more pain is necessary will punish themselves for the failure to stay sober. They will also accept harsh confrontation and extremely punitive therapy without question, thinking that they deserve it. “Maybe if I hurt worse this will not happen again.” This increased pain increases the likelihood of a future relapse. It also destroys self-esteem and self-respect.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #10: The only way to stay sober is to let other people attack you and tear you down so that you will give up all of your defenses.
Fact: The fact is that once the addicted person recognizes the need for help, personal attacks and the tearing down of their defenses are going to raise stress and lower self esteem and self respect. This will reinforce the mistaken belief that the addict is a “bad” person who needs to become good through punishment, rather than a sick person who needs to learn the skills of recovery.
Self-confrontation is necessary for addicts to see the reality of their situation. This simply means to present information that one may not want to take a look at. It does not mean attacking the person’s character and tearing down self-respect. Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are often in severe pain. If they allow themselves to be attacked and their defenses torn down this will increase their pain. They are holding on to their defenses for dear life because they have no other way to cope with the reality of their situation. Attacking these defenses creates high levels of stress. High stress causes confusion, emotional reaction or emotional numbness, or memory problems. As a result, harsh confrontation often makes the relapse prone person worse.
Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are sick, and they need to be treated as such. The facts of their condition need to be presented to them, and they often need to be forced to make difficult decisions about seeking treatment. But once they are in treatment, confrontation should be used sparingly. It should be replaced with education, problem solving, and support. Self-confrontation is the result. Most relapse prone alcoholics and addicts respond very well to accurate information about relapse and are eager to try out relapse prevention planning techniques.
As a patient, you have rights and responsibilities for your own treatment and recovery. Allowing yourself to be degraded and humiliated is not therapeutic. It diminishes your self-esteem. It causes you to abandon your judgement and to accept without question what someone tells you. You should remember that as an addiction patient you have the same rights as other medical patients. You have the right to ask questions and to ask for a second opinion. Those rights are not relinquished by the belief that you must allow yourself to be emotionally battered and degraded to get well.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #11: If you do not maintain sobriety, it is because you have not worked the recovery program made available to you in treatment because current treatment methods are 100% effective.
Fact: Much of the currently available treatment for chemical dependency has proved to be effective about 20 to 40% of the time. This means that it has not been effective 60 to 80% of the time. Patients cannot be blamed for that rate of failure.
This statement is not meant to be critical of treatment programs or AA/NA. Alcohol and drug addiction treatment is always improving. It is much more effective than it was fifty years ago. Then treatment using a “mental-health model” was 98% ineffective. Currently alcohol and drug addiction treatment is becoming much more effective treating alcoholism and drug addiction as a disease. But the fact is that many alcoholics and drug addicts fail to recover even after attempting sobriety by using AA/NA, professional treatment and counseling, or combinations thereof.
In our research we have talked with hundreds of alcoholics and addicts who have worked hard at AA/NA and treatment but still failed to stay sober. It is important that we remember that there are still some people who are sicker than others. These people experience severe and disabling symptoms when they attempt sobriety. They may have co-existing health problems or illness that leave them in a state of chronic pain. They may have serious mental or emotional problems that interfere with sobriety. They need something more than primary treatment (over and over again) to bring about long term sobriety.
The belief that treatment is 100% effective fosters a feeling of hopelessness and the belief that nothing can help you. This belief produces the “professional patient” who learns how to “go through the motions” of treatment because it is familiar. They often do not seek other forms of treatment or help.
If you have failed to stay sober with the treatment you have gotten so far, or through your involvement in AA/NA do not give up hope. Roll up your sleeves and try again. But, this time, find a treatment program or AA/NA sponsor that has knowledge of relapse prevention planning.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #12: Those who relapse to use of alcohol or drugs over and over again are hopeless because they are "constitutionally incapable" of recovery.
Fact: Those who relapse to use of alcohol or drugs repeatedly are not incapable of recovery. They just have not learned how to prevent relapse. They can learn how to get better.
Sally, a relapse prone alcoholic/addict, talked of her progress; “I thought I was hopeless. I was detoxed over twenty times and completed three private and four public rehabilitation programs. I ended up in a halfway house nearly dead and totally demoralized and down on myself. I heard a lecture on the warning signs of relapse. It was like someone was telling my story. Those warning signs gave me the words for what was happening to me. I got interested and started to listen and learn. I went to work identifying my warning signs and setting up plans to manage them. It wasn’t easy but relapse prevention planning gave me concrete, solid things to work on. I stayed sober for eight months, longer than in years. When I drank again I was humiliated, but returned to the halfway house. They wouldn’t let me feel sorry for myself. They didn’t blame me. They just said ‘it’s a very powerful disease. Let’s get you stabilized and see what we can do differently this time.’ I’ve been sober now longer than ever before. I believe that I can get well.”
It is true that people cannot get well with the knowledge and skills that they have. They have not learned to interrupt old behavior patterns and do something different. They have not learned that relapse is a process that can be changed. They have not learned about sobriety-based symptoms and what to do to manage them. They have not learned to recognize when they are moving away from recovery and moving in the direction of relapse. They do not have hope that they can ever get well.
The consequence of believing that you cannot get well is despair. Without hope there is no motivation to try again and you are condemned to a life of despair.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #13: Thinking about relapse will bring it about.
Fact: Ignoring the possibility of relapse is more likely to bring it about. Those who acknowledge the possibility and think about how it is apt to occur can take action to prevent it.
John put it this way, “When I started in AA they told me to stick with the winners. So I got next to people who talked about serenity and success at sobriety. I avoided those people who talked of fears of getting drunk and experiences in which they had to hang on by their fingernails. The only problem was that the ‘winners’ I was sticking with were not alert for relapse warning signs and they did not plan for managing them. As a result, when problems with their sobriety arose, they couldn’t cope. Now I see that the winners are those who recognize that any alcoholic or addict can relapse and, therefore, take precautions to prevent it.
Charley Brown once said: “No problem is so big or so complicated that you can’t run away from it.” Unfortunately this is not true. The problem of relapse must be dealt with. There is no way to run away. You always take yourself with you. Fortunately there are hundreds of professional counselors, doctors, and nurses devoting themselves to the problem of relapse.
The belief that thinking about relapse will bring it about creates areas of “forbidden thinking.” You believe that you cannot allow yourself to think about the possibility of relapse because thinking about it will bring it about. You therefore do not take action to prevent relapse. If you do not do anything about the problem it gets worse. It does not go away by itself. Relapse grows in the darkness of ignorance and dies in the light of clear accurate thinking.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #14: There are "positive addictions" that can be substituted for negative addictions to promote comfortable and meaningful sobriety.
Fact: All addictions are negative! According to the dictionary, to be addicted means to surrender oneself to something obsessively. By its very nature “addiction” is a condition characterized by compulsion and obsession.
Even behaviors that can be good for you, when used appropriately are harmful if they are used compulsively or obsessively. Some addictions are less destructive than others. Addiction to caffeine is less destructive than addiction to alcohol, but both are harmful. Caffeine addiction is not positive just because it is less harmful than other addictions.
Substitute addictions are still addictions. They create short-term pleasure at the cost of long term pain. They produce withdrawal symptoms when the addictive chemical or behavior is removed. They produce an obsession or compulsion to use.
Substitute addictions may be exercise, AA/NA, church, work, dieting, achieving, or risk taking. These can all be positive experiences that can support and enhance sobriety. But if they are done obsessively and compulsively in such a way that they cause you to neglect other important aspects of your life, they are addictions and they are not positive. Although some addictions are more destructive than others, changing the nature of the addiction does not get rid of the problem. It trades one set of symptoms for another. A person who is compelled to run three hours a day in order to evade feelings and problems still has an addiction-centered lifestyle. The compulsion and obsession to run will create other problems, and addictive living continues. The goal for a recovering person must be addiction-free living; balanced living for stable recovery.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #15: Any episode of addictive use will result in immediate and total loss of control for anyone who has been addicted.
Fact: For some people who have used alcohol or drugs addictively, a return to using creates immediate and severe loss of control. From the first episode of use they lose control over their thinking, emotions, memory, judgement and behavior. If you have lost control immediately when you have started drinking or using in the past, you are probably one of those people and could be one episode away from serious consequences.
However, for many alcoholics and addicts the loss of control process is far more sneaky and subtle. As it says in the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful.” This applies to all addictions. They typical pattern for a return to use for the addict or alcoholic does not start with just one use of alcohol or other drug that immediately causes that person to escalate out of control. The loss of control emerges gradually from a series of “experiments in control."
Let us tell you the story of Sam. Sam’s counselor told him that if he took one drink or used one drug he would lose control until he “hit bottom.” One day as he was walking home from a counseling session he was passing a bar thinking, “I don’t believe that I can’t control it. I never immediately went crazy before. Why should I now? I really believe that I can take one drink and stop.”
A few days later he came to his favorite bar and talked himself into stopping. He ordered a beer. “One beer can’t hurt me,” he said. He sat there and slowly and carefully sipped on the beer for twenty minutes, leaving about one inch of it in the bottom of the glass. As he walked out of the bar he said, “That proves that I can have one drink and stop.” His feeling of self-control heightened and his sense of self-confidence went up. He went home without drinking any more. But the obsession became alive again. He kept thinking about that one drink. He thought of how good it would feel to drink again. He became obsessed with proving that he could control his use.
About a week later he thought to himself, “you know, I had one drink and stopped; I’ll bet I could do it again.” He went into a bar, ordered one beer, sipped on it for twenty minutes, pushed away from the bar leaving an inch in the bottom of the glass and walked out feeling doubly certain that his counselor had given him bad advice. As he went home, he said to himself, “My counselor really doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I obviously can have a single drink and stop.”
He began stopping at the bar to have one drink per day to continue proving to himself that he could in fact have one drink and stop. Then he started having two drinks and within a month he got drunk. He felt guilty and went back to controlling himself with only one drink. He managed to do this for another month or so. Then he got drunk again. At that point he gave up and began to drink out of control. This pattern of loss of control is very typical.
Some people can control their use for longer periods of time than others, but they are not comfortable during these periods. They are constantly battling their obsession, compulsion, and tendency to overdo it. As they experiment, their drinking or using becomes slowly heavier and heavier until they find themselves moving back into the heavy destructive addictive use patterns of their past. This pattern seems to hold true for all addictions.
If you believe that one drink for an alcoholic, or that one time use of your drug of choice for an addict, will result in loss of control, one of two things will happen if you take that drink or use that drug. (1) You will say to yourself, “Well, I took that one drink (or drug) so I may as well keep drinking (or using). The harm is done; I just can’t stop.” And you will not take any action to interrupt your use episode while you still had some control and before any serious damage is done. Your belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (2) You will say to yourself, “Well, I took a drink (or drug) and I didn’t lose control, so I must not be an alcoholic or addict. If I can control myself I don’t need to stop.” And then before you realize what has happened, “cunning, baffling, and powerful” alcohol (or drugs) takes over, and you are in trouble.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #16: Once you begin using it is impossible for you to interrupt your use before you have "hit bottom" again.
Fact: The reality of addictive use in a person who has never been addicted is this: Once you use addictively you can never be sure of what is going to happen if you use ever again. This is the nature of loss of control. Once addicted persons begin using, their lives are in danger.
Controlled drinking/using is not possible for a previously addicted person and taking a drink or using a drug is always life threatening. But using addictively on one occasion does not mean that you are condemned to use until you destroy your life totally.
Many alcoholics and addicts inadvertently program themselves for destructive use episodes. They continue drinking or using because they have come to believe that there is no way to stop once they have started. They continue drinking or using until serious damage – perhaps even death – occurs.
A much healthier position to take on the issue of “use episodes” is to realize that if you ever return to addictive use, you will have periodic “moments of sanity.” These moments of sanity may be brief, fleeting periods where you regain control of your thinking, your emotions, your memory, and your behavior and judgement. You are able to see what is happening and you have a few moments in which to take positive action. You will not be able to stop by yourself. You will need help. Taking action is not “making up your mind.” Your mind is affected by chemicals. You must get help. There is always an option other than suicide, going crazy or using addictively. There is the option of getting treatment or other help.
Many recovering people believe that it is better to be dead than drink or stoned again. They believe this so strongly that if they begin using again, they see no way out except drinking, using or death. And many do choose suicide. The suicide rate among sober alcoholics is higher than among the general population. They choose to die rather than drink or use. How sad that they are not aware that other alternatives exist.
Remember, once you begin using addictively you can never be certain what is going to happen. The odds are ninety-nine to one against your ability to drink or use moderately and safely. If you do begin to use addictively as a result of poor judgement or loss of control you will hit periodic moments of sanity. It is your responsibility to yourself and those whom you love to get help to interrupt your “episode of use” during these moments of sanity.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #17: Successful recovery from addiction requires continuous abstinence from the time of the initial commitment to sobriety.
Fact: Most addicted people are unable to maintain permanent abstinence the first time that they try. Once they are convinced that they are addicted, it sometimes takes an “episode of use” before they learn how to be sober.
This information is not meant to give you permission to periodically use alcohol or other drugs. As we have said, once you start using addictively you cannot be sure what will happen to you. You might die in the course of your next binge. This information is simply meant to present you with the reality that if an “episode of use” occurs, it is going to be your response to it that will determine whether or not you will ultimately recover, end up in jail or prison or ultimately die from your addiction.
Alan Marlatt in a recent book, Relapse Prevention, calls the initial return to addictive use a “lapse” and distinguishes this from the destructive return to loss of control, addictive use (a life threatening “episode of use”).
Once addicts have an initial lapse they can do one of two things. They can interrupt it by getting help to return to abstinence and by learning from the experience how to stay sober in the future. Or they can convince themselves that it is hopeless and continue to use destructively until the loss of control leads them to full-blown life threatening “episode of use.” If they believe that they are hopeless or that they have failed totally because they have lapsed, they will give up and not continue their efforts to recover and attain continuous sobriety.
Relapse prevention planning involves learning how to develop an early intervention plan that will allow you to intervene in your lapse process before it becomes a life threatening, full blown, “episode of use.”
In this way many people also learn valuable lessons about what triggered them into addictive use. They identify the mistakes that they made and the weaknesses in their recovery program and they improve as a result. There is always hope if you are willing to come back to your self-help group and to your professional treatment program to sort out what went wrong.
The higher the level of self-criticism and self-punishment we put on ourselves, the more likely addicted persons are to continue their “episode of use” until they do serious damage to themselves. It is far more productive if we recognize our “lapse” or “episode of use” for what it is, a symptom of our addiction. A “lapse” or “episode of use” is an indication that we somehow failed to manage our recovery (what we tried before didn’t work). There is more work for us to do. The sooner we interrupt the “lapse” or “episode of use” by getting ourselves back into treatment the better off we are going to be.
If you are out of control when you begin to use or drink, you will need the help of other people to stop early. This help is called intervention. Intervention is simply a term for the process of helping someone who is out of control and resisting the help that they need. By training other people in your life to intervene should you return to addictive use, you can cut your “lapses” or “episodes of use” short and get back into treatment and on the road to wellbriety. The time to set up this intervention plan is early in your recovery.
Misconceptions about relapse can cause you problems no matter how sincere your beliefs. The fact is that you can choose to change your mistaken beliefs, and when you do, you will change the consequences of those beliefs.
Relapse is a process not an event! Recovery is a pathway not a destination! You CAN do it! We Wish You The Best of Luck!
