I had a sponsor but just stopped calling her. I have not had a drink for over 90 days now but don't seem to be able to stop other bad habits... i.e. being honest with myself and others. I am a horse theif and want to stop.l At the meetings everyone says that if I keep coming back things will fall into place but I am a typical self-centred selfish cow who wants it NOW. I still have the alcy mentality and very often get irritated over rediculous things that should not bother me. What is wrong with me.... am I too stupid to get this? I have replaced my drinking with overeating so my self esteem is very low and I sometimes don't go to sober get-togethers because of the weight issues. I know I should be going to womens meets but I have always got along with the fellas better and never seem to get a close bond with women; hence the distance between me and the sponsor I haven't called. I need a sponsor who can relate to an isolater who is lonely and is thinking of drinking again just to loose the 25 lbs gained in the last 3 months. I am unhappy, lonely and don't know if I will ever get this programme but desperately want what you have.
Its kinda like--You either want to go forwards or backward.
If I wish to go forward, there might be a few things that I dont wanna do.:)
If I sit on a sandy beech, waiting for things to happen--all Im going to get is sand up my butt.
Progress and positive change, takes willingness and action.
You are sure not alone in here, and dont hafta feel that way. Im sure the girls here will take you in their arms, and hug you to death.--even give you their views on sponsor things.
And the rest of it? Step one-step two-step three, and on we go.
Sponsor? I went through a few temp ones, in some periods of sobriety-till I found someone that I could relate with, and be comfortable with fully.
This AA program is something like eating a big chocolate cake. It hasta be taken a little bit at a time--and we dont get to eat the whole thing and feel good in a week.:)
Its a daily-life time thing, and its never ending learning. Sober.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
way to go on 90 days!! they say don't give up before the miracle happens, you are living the miracle my friend:)
i gained weight too, but like its said...nothing changes if nothing changes,.....
going for daily walks is a great way to start
self esteem is one of my biggest issues, when i was drinking i had tons of self esteem...ya know that 'shot of courage'.....
so i put the booze down and i was left with me, Wendy...i had to start forgiving myself and learning to like me for who and what i am today. ACCEPTANCE
i could only move on when i accept people , places and things, including my past and myself
obssession...compulsion. Addiction to more than chemicals. food fits in there nicely...sedating those feelings that we are trying to stuff. And.....that gives us reason, then, to continue to beat ourselves up.
speaking of horse thieves....if wishes were horses...horse thieves would be choosy....:)
don't be so hard on yourself
pick up that 100 lb phone and call your sponsor, you can always keep this one till you find another you think will work better with you.
you can't save your face and your ass at the same time...so they say...
if you keep telling yourself negative stuff, you will keep believing it
on the positive side...if you turn it around and tell yourself positive stuff, you'll feel more positive.
tell yourself....
you are beautiful
you are worthwhile
you are precious
the more you tell yourself this the more you will believe it, try looking in the mirror as you do it, i call it mirror work. I know, its hard to do at first
I grew up in a very negative/happy no-feelings -shared kind of a household. Hope this makes sense. Today I am gonna be positive and try to get on with it. Thank you for sharing and caring
we are responsible for own skin today though Sober.....i can blame everything and everyone, but ultimately when i take the bla out of blame i'm left with me.
today i know for me to be happy it starts with me, within,
and ya, we can start our day over anytime, or a thousand times:)
CALL YOUR SPONSOR right away and tell her what you posted here. Get to work finding another one if you need to. It's not unusual for us to replace one addiction with another - you sound pretty normal to me. The saying "fake it till you make" really works. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Hear the message, take what you need from it and bank the rest. Keep posting here.
Congrats on 90 days! AWESOME!!
Hugs,
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Welcome...90 days! What a miracle. Bet ya didn't think that could happen, huh?
I never thought I would make it a week let alone the years I have now.
I worked as a cook in a treatnent center for awhile...that was always a concern for the clients...they put on weight at first. I always asked them what they had done to thier bodies before they stopped drinking and using...did they really think they were healthy before? The wieght issue will usually balance itself out as your body heals itself from the poison you were putting into it...start an exercise program if you can. Go see the doctor and talk to a nutritionist to get a healthy meal plan started. You might find out that you needed to put on some wieght anyway...I thought I looked good at 105...I was a walking skeleton.
Funny how none of us women ever seem to relate to the women when we first get sober...you know why that is? Because most of those women did the exact same things as we do and they can see right through the BS we try to feed them. We can relate to the guys because we can manipulate them. I could anyway. But that behaviour is no longer acceptable to me, so I put up with my sponsor...fought her every step of the way...finally did what she told me to do...and found out she wasn't talking BS after all. And 4 1/2 years later she is still my best friend. So call her...she's waiting for you.
