Hope for Today - October 20

In my first Al-Anon meeting, I listened intently to other people share. One woman spoke of feeling as if she were in a dark and lonely place, like the bottom of a well. The tools of the program helped her see the light at the top of the well, but it was still going to be a tough job scaling the walls to get out. After time, I came to understand through reading Al-Anon literature, listening to other members, and practicing the slogans, Steps, and Traditions in my personal life, that I could begin to climb out of my own well.

#######ROSIE....oh i remember when i first got into recovery, i felt like i had been living in hell for the whole of my life......i had so much despair, the 12 steps program was my *last resort* it was "make this work or die"...i was at the end of my rope and it had tightened around my neck i thought i was strangling.......i vented and raged and vented some more about my parents and the horrific abuse i suffered at their hands.....it was all about them and nothing about me but my injuries when i first began....i hung in there and just *let er rip* till i was exhausted from all the venting.....than quietly the program begain to *sneak up on me*....i read the literature...worked the literature...meetings (literally 90 in 90 days)....sharing and listening at meets...slogans, affirmation cd's and tapes.......i did the works!!!!!! and i could feel it begin to work

Little by little, I stopped focusing on the alcoholic's problems and started concentrating on my own. I found that facing my responsibilities meant developing the ability to choose my responses to my problems. To be responsible for myself meant keeping the focus on myself and not letting fear become a motivator for my actions, even when my fear felt huge. The strength I needed to climb out of my well had to come from my own self-respect. Without it, I didn't have the courage to scale those walls. Because my self-esteem was so low, I didn't think I had any courage. However, my sponsor told me I had a great deal of courage. She told me that by taking the risk to walk through the doors of Al- Anon, I had already taken responsibility for my self-esteem. Thought for the Day Fear is a feeling, not an action. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's choosing to act with love in spite of the fear. "If my fear had simply been removed, I might never have known that I am capable of acting on my own behalf." *Courage to Change* , p. 119 ----------

#######ROSIE...little by little for me, i began to yes, talk about my problems/ but less and less focus on the beast and more focus on me/ and loving me/ and the solution rather than just the problem....what amends i needed to make to me for the negative and self defeating behaviour patterns i had developed....i wanted to know *how to FIX this*....rather than bitch about the same god awful story over and over again........i took responsibility for my life......i had NO choice about my past, but i DO have choice now and i CHOOSE to recover from it......taking my life back, being responsible for me/ my care/ my needs being met , etc.......developing a trust/respect in me.....i am growing a new perspective on me/ God/ life, that i didn't know exhisted.....i went from ZERO self esteem to some workable self esteem now....its a work in progress but i have hope now where there was only despair....i have strength now where there was only the wish to *lie down and quit*.....i have joy now where there was only sadness............my fear???? i still have it but it doesn't rule me.....i am managing it!!!! i am still scared but i am walking THROUGH that fear by doing what i KNOW is right for me........in my culture (cherokee) the warriour who does not fear the arrow is a fool....the brave warriour fears the arrow, but walks anway!!!!!! thank you DONE