I thought there was another way to find serenity, and a piece of mind if I tried to find it in other support groups, that deal with sobriety. I have always had a problem opening up, especially to other women,(have nothing against them, just can't talk to one) anyways, I thought I found a way to finally talk to women by finding a woman's support group, but instead they we're saying I'm not powerless over alcohol, that I am in control, that I need to plan my future, and that it's only a saying to turn it over to God.. Well instead of finding relief and serenity, I found my self developing a major resentment. Cause AA had guided me thru a lot, and God has helped be stay sober for over 2 years (first time /no relapes yet) I relized the serenity is here in AA, the caring and friendship that I need , I will just have to work harder to open up to women here in THIS program. I can speak at the podiium, just not one to one. anyways thanks for letting me vent.
FOR SOME THE WAY WE USE THE WORD SURRENDER AND POWERLESSNESS IS SOMETIMES MISUNDERSTOOD.
IT TAKES A WHILE TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALCOHOLICS HOLD ON TO THINGS, SO FOR US WE HAVE TO LET GO AND SURRENDER.
I DON'T THINK THAT GROUP GETS IT OR IT COULD BE ONE OF THOES "WOMAN POWER" GROUPS. WHERE THEY ARE TRYING TO GAIN SOME CONTROL IN THEIR LIVES OR EMPOWERMENT.
THINK SOMETHING GOT LOST IN THE TRANSLATION...THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW
DON'T GIVE UP I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE OTHER GROUPS OUTSIDE OF AA THAT YOU CAN GET INTO. IF YOU NEED MORE THAN AA. AND YES TRYING HARDER TO GET ALONG WITH WOMEN IN THE FELLOWSHIP WOULD ONLY ENHANCE THE JOURNEY .
KEEP COMING BACK ON THE BOARD IT HELPED ME TO REACH OUT TO WOMEN BY LISTENING AND IDENTIFYING AND NOT COMPARING. LIKE I USED TO DO WHEN A WOMAN WAS AROUND.
-- Edited by carey at 20:00, 2005-10-17
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knowing that you dont know everything is knowing everything you need to know.
I too have a difficult time with women. I've always felt more comfortable with men, and most of my friends happen to be men. I have more in common with them, also. However, I do find that I can enjoy a women's only f2f sometimes. Just being able to bitch and moan to another woman can be cathartic. Only a woman can understand another woman. And only a woman can take a knife stick it in your back and then twist is really hard while smiling in your face ! Take what you need and leave the rest applies for me .
My suggestion, BABY steps in that area. Don't let them or anyone take anything from you.
Woo Hoo on the 2 yrs ! That's awesome.
Keep coming.
Hugs,
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 22:27, 2005-10-17
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
It's not "anger" or "attitude" Carey. It's sharing rigirous HONESTY as the subject applies to me. ( Apparently you didn't recognize the sarcasm followed by the )
No one has to accept the un-acceptable, even in recovery.
You have a great night.
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 22:53, 2005-10-17
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
2 years is great! I have to ask though, do you have a sponsor that you were able to work the steps with?
I had to giggle when I read your post, because I think most women alkies have a hard time with other women and being able to trust them when they first get sober. I know I did. Never could relate to a woman, never could find that level of trust I thought I would need. But I needed to get sober...so I looked for a woman that had what I wanted...long-term sobriety, respect for herself, some integrity, a spiritual way of life. The woman I found was NOT the one I wanted for a sponsor, but she had all the things I wanted. I didn't like her, I thought she was a b***ch, but she was the one I needed. She insisted I look at my past behaviours and see the pattern. She knew how to look past the BS i tried to feed her and ask me what was really going on. She knew me, because she had lived my life 15 yrs earlier. And she is still the greatest sponsor in the world, who knows from 200 miles away when I'm hurting and when I'm just calling to chat. And she is my best friend now, but still my sponsor...and she still calls me on my BS when I need to be called on it.
Other support groups I know nothing about. I can't say they are good or bad because I have never felt the need to leave AA and find something else. And from your post I gather that you don't want that either. There are good women out there, you just need to reach out and you'll find them. Pick one that says something you can relate to and ask her to coffee. It could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Love, cheri
PS Mikel?? After you're done with your hair, will you do mine??
I think youre right Mike. Im doing my nails, cause it only takes 30 seconds to do my hair. What are you doing for lunch?? lol
Doll? My second last wife, ran away with my best freind. "I MISS HIM"
Thought for the day "There are always a few bad apples in each basket, but there are also lots of good ones" "One gets to know which are which, by the number of bruises involved"
Stick with the shiny juicy ones, and make apple sauce with the rest.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
thank you for the replies. I do relate more then anything to everything you all said. I do have a woman sponser and I call her "my butt kicker". She gives me what I need when I need it. See I have always hung out with the guys, was always one of the guys, and this woman can sure talk like a guy, she speaks to me in a way I understand, she tells me like it is, she told me once in the middle of a crisis " i'm gonna teach u the short version of the serenity prayer it goes like this " F it". See I tried to fit in with woman, cause at first I could only relate to the men, till i heard one woman tell my story and thats when I started to relate. I think my problem is the ones I think I can trust are the wrong ones, cause just recently there was one woman that I did confind in, and we would do the whole bi*%# feast, well that was untill I found out she would go and tell others my secrets and problems, so yes I am not saying all woman stab in the back, just some of them. I need to look harder for the good honest ones. To Mikel and Phil, after u two do your hair and nails, how about a lesson on how you keep your whites white, and how to get that nasty stain out of the carpet?
i'm a member of a all male group (well it was till I joined, now a few females have joined also, but they are never around) and one of my members gave me some advice.....
even a blind squarrel can find a nut once in awhile
Hmmmm "Even a blind squirrell can find a nut once in a while" Thats very good. lol
And yes--I do the house work routine too. Carpet stains? I just get keep buying small carpets, to cover them up. Whites? What whites? Everything I wash is grey-now I wonder why that is? :)
Have a good day. Going out to pick nuts, to store for the winter. Anyone here need a place to be stored? lol lol hmmm --I guess the phrase is, "To be restored" to sanity.:)
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hey Donnamaria, I have found this post very informative, especially from the guys... leave it to them to lighten up a serious subject. I have found most women alcoholics are the same, in more ways than we care to admit. I would rather talk to one of the guys in my group than another woman and the other womwn feel the same way.
But I have learned through time in this program which women and Men, I can trust, there will always be those you can't tell your secrets to.A gossip is a gossip, and only by the grace of God will they change, we can't control their actions. I have a few very close female friends I can trust and I cherish them.
It's sounds like you have found the right sponsor, I would just pray for the others and stay out of their backyard.
Have a great sober day, two years is a miracle, you are doing something right.
Phil, let's do lunch, as long as I can have a salad with fat-free dressing. Is my nose shining?
Seriously, I applaud all you ladies on this forum, and I understand completely (well, I'm not a woman, so I don't understand completely) why many of you prefer to confide in a man as opposed to another woman, but know that I give each and every one of you a big hug. M
Hey Gammy? :) There are just some things, that I have no answers for, and know absolutely nothing about.(smile) Instead of putting both feet in mouth, its better that I keep it shut, and listen. Thats a hard thing for this guy to do-lol I think the word is "Humbly saying--I just dont know" :) You have a great day. Hugs
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Mikel the proper lunch would be a fat free dressing on a salad with a diet soda and big HUGE piece of chocolate cake. It's not a shiney nose. it's a powdered nose. lol thanks for making me smile , and you words of wisdom
Take what you need and leave the rest applies for me .
M
