hi am rosie, and i abused alcohol to escape the pain of my childhood abuse.....my beer/wine was my **tranquilizer*......when life was ok??? i was ok with having a beer and stopping....but life was not **ok* very often, so i would, at night, drink till i got a buzz on and fantasize about my better life......
finally i got into recovery most for coda's and acoas, and for 20 months now, i have **giving the program hell* and it has paid me back in dividends......i still am an "A" because when i get triggered if i don't run to the meets/ or steps/ or sponser, i'll get a buzz on!!!! this program is much better than numbing my pain with alcohol...i am in it for life
i get ???s a lot from newbies about the steps.....so i kinda **gave my take on them** below......please take what works and dump the rest........
people keep asking me public and private, "what are the steps??? really what are they about???" so i kind of did this light hearted *short take*
step 1....i have discovered that my life is unmanageable do to............... i am powerless over ".................." and i am detaching from it.....my life is unmanageable trying to fight "..............." all by myself...i am powerless and i am tired of beating my head against the wall!!! i am throwing in the towell...i give UP!!!!!
step 2.........i am powerless over my life or (whatever it is that is making me crazy) and my way sucks, but there is a power greater than i who is all powerful/ and his way NEVER sucks...this power is my only hope of being restored to sanity.....i know i cannot do it on self will...tried it and got hammered....
step 3.........because my way is so lacking, why not give it over to this higher power who CAN restore me to sanity, and whose way is better than mine....so why not give him/her/it a shot???? what have i got to lose???? i can't do anything anyway, so it behooves me to "dump it on this higher power who is willing to take it on"...like i see others suceeding/thriving having a higher power so i want mine!!!! i guess i will look within me!!!! i heard that is where the others looked!!!! .....
step 4......ok, here is my list....of me....my goods and my bads.....my strong points.....my weak points.....the points i want to completely get rid of...ones i want to modify....ones that i like as they are.....i am taking an inventory of me.....assets on the first part.....liabilities on the 2nd part...hey it looks like a ledger sheet....AND i am not going to forget to list my good points.....this isn't punishment, this is recovery.....for the first time perhaps, i will really really get to know me and knowledge will make me feel better about me/ god/ life.....
step 5.......ok, i wrote all this crap down...what next???? oh yeah, i gotta tell someone i feel safe with (sponser--close group mate--maybe family or best friend---i prefer sponser) and i gotta really come clean....i told God, now i gotta tell a human being!!! and because i chose my sponser, it is not so scary cause he/she has probably "been there--done that" or similiar...so i am telling my sponser all this stuff and i can just FEEL the load lifting off my back....
step 6......ok, now that i have written my good/ bad / ugly....shared it with God/ and another human i guess i am ready to give this UP....change it.....i am totally ready to change..i am EAGER to change.....
step 7......now that i have decided i want to get "shed" of my emotional and mental garbage..... i will humbly ask my higher power "Lord, God, Creator of the universe.....i cast all these burdens onto you and i am GRATEFUL that i turned my life and my will over to you cause you are the ONLY one who can heal me of this....so i humbly thank you in advance for helping me either remove all these shortcommings/ or helping me manage them so they are no longer a liability to my life.......thank you God".........or words to that effect
step 8.....now that i have **aired my dirty laundry* expressed desire to let it go....did ask my hp to **cleanse me of my wrongs*.....now i have to make another list???? oh yeah!!! all the people i either hurt/ OR folks with whom i have a relationship which is kinda sour cause i needed all along to set boundaries with them, change my behaviour with them so we can love each other more.....so ok...lets list the people i hurt the worst, and i know that i am on the list cause i know i hurt me too, and maybe i even hurt God by not treating him/her/it with any respect and trust.... so i must list me, God and i shall go down the list from the biggest down to the smallest of all EVERYONE i need to "get with" and either apologize to OR make changes with MY behaviour to them so our relationship can be either restored, or we can separate without hate and resentment
step 9......wow!!! as i get with these people, i notice that some i had to aplogize to, some i had to just say "ok i did this and i accept responsibility for it" and some i had to make changes in my behavour with them... ( i have to tell myself all the time that this is about ME NOT them..this is MY inventory..and if they don't want to admit their part in this...fine..i will still be free...cause this is all about ME/ MY recovery) some of the people are dead or i cannot locate them, so i will make amends through God and he will deliver the message to them cause he is a kind and loving and caring God and he has all our addresses.......either way, my WILLINGNESS to make amends with the missing in action sets me free...its all about willingness and doing WHAT i can, and remember step 3???? what i cannot do, i give over right???? well i may have to "step 3" a few folks i canot find....
step 10.....gee i feel really good now, i have done the GIVE UP steps (1,2,3) i did the OWN UP steps (4,5,6) than the CLEAN UP steps (7,8,9).....now i gotta do the GROW UP steps (10,11,12)....with 10 being the DAILY inventory, sort of a snapshot at the end of the day like "ok, time to do a report card on me...this day i did/said this/ that/ good stuff and bad stuff" step 10 is like the 4,5,6,7,8.9 all together in one snapshot, and because i have gone through these steps at least once, i can do step 10 daily and keep my **inventory current* it is sooo much easier to make amends on NEW stuff instead of old stuff...i will work step 10 at the end of EACH day so **my side of the street is kept clean*....
step 11.....now that i enjoy a really intimate relationship with God, and we are regularly communicating, i know that i must make it a BIG habit to lean on my higher power whom i happen to call "................." and so i can keep this warm fuzzy feeling about me/god going....life is gonna have its ups and downs......s**t is gonna happen, but if i make these steps habit , by aligning and cooperating with my higher power AS i work my program, life is gonna be a heck of a lot easier....
step 12.....ok, life has smacked me in the head enough times so that i will never get arrogant and think i have "graduated" i must be in this for the duration!!! for my lifetime..i am human and if i got this sick once, it could again simply because i live in planet earth where there is temptation all over the place!!! ...IF i want things to remain serene and cool and hopeful, i gotta "stay the course"......i got so much out of this program, i want to spread it around...so i am ready to offer ME up as a sponser to the newbees comming in so i can get them turned on to the steps and the literature and the meetings, like i am doing cause it is the best thing that ever happend to me and i want to share....spread the good news.......rosie on the 12 steps......take what works...dump the rest...
Bonjour Rosie, Parles vou anglais, Sperchen Einglish? Desole, Je non parley your language.
Hi Rosie, Stick with the real 12 steps, it works, I could'nt understant your version.
Best wishes
Chris.
ps: ***?????.....////"""
-- Edited by Cabbageheadchris at 17:17, 2005-10-08
__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
cabage head!!!! well thats ok!!!!! i am working the program my way....and like i said...take what works and leave the rest!!!!!! thank you for your share......
cabage........."Bonjour Rosie, Parles vou anglais, Sperchen Einglish? Desole, Je non parley your language"
cabage......... "Hi Rosie, Stick with the real 12 steps, it works"
rosie...........i do!!! i work the steps each day!!! and i believe the above is cross talk.....i used to do this too, thinking i was helping people....when i learned that i was not helping....i **passed over* the posts i did not agree with, rather than crosstalk the person......please take what works and leave the rest!!!!
A GOOD SOBER BUDDY OF MINE (20 YEARS) Who I wish i met that many years ago says It makes me puke when people tell me there working there program. There is only one program in AA. I learned the hard way I only have today!! I use to have years and new too much!!
I read your post as an explanation of thes same steps. I love the following quote
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize that we only know a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning mediation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something that you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny, May God bless you and keep[ you-----until then.
