Hi Doll:

I have to let you know that when you indicate, "your alcoholic mind", begins to start thinking of all kinds of things that it is not specific to an "alcoholic mind". Matter of fact, it really has nothing to do with being an alcoholic, but rather the underlying cause and root to your alcoholism probably. I'm not a medical expert, nor to I drink much, as I'll have a drink or two with dinner on occasion every six months or so, but what I am is a person who has suffered much emotional and mental health abuse throughout my life.

Guess what? I do the same thing-- my mind goes crazy thinking up so many scenarios that haven't even occured. As you always in recovery and never truly cured, I am too. I don't have to combat the alcohol, but I do have to combat the emotional triggers and shit (pardon me) that comes with having dealt with so much in my past. I'll never be cured, but learned knew ways to adapt to circumstances and situations.

Yesterday, if you could have seen me-- I bet that most who are in their initial stages of detox could say that you'd swear I was an alcoholic with my behavior. I had a mental breakdown cause of so much going around me that is overwhelming.

I guess I'm telling you this so you know that although alcohol is the focus of what you believe to be your illness, it lies much deeper in your emotions. Once you deal with those emotions (as I'm sure you know because you are here already) you can begin to heal and hopefully get rid of those thoughts.

All I know is that the thoughts suck-- they truly do and are so difficult to turn around, particularly when you've lived your entire life learning a certain behavior or thinking pattern. Once we can learn to combat those thoughts, capture each thought at the moment and realize what we are thinking and forcibly reverse that to the opposite though, I think we'd well on the way to recovery.

I took a psychology class once and also saw a television show that researched how the brain develops. I found it interesting that they say when a person dies, that they can actually look at the brain and determine what the person had thought mostly about. The reason is because when we continually think about one thought, it creates a rut in that part of the brain.

If we think of it that way, then what is occuring is our brain creates a physical rut deeper and deeper as we continue to think the same way. In order to change that thinking behavior, then what we ultimately need to do is capture each thought at the time it occurs and turn it around. I know more just as well as everyone how difficult that is, but with practice it does become easier. I suppose you can consider it retraining your brain to think.

I like to use the analogy of a car stuck in the snow..... the only way to get the car out of the rut is to force it to rock back and forth creating another path or multiple paths, widening it each time. Eventually, a new path is created and the car is free to move. :) If only we could be that car and create the new rut in our brain in a matter of minutes.

Take Care!

Well Doll... if youre waiting for words of wisdom from this kid.... I honestly hafta say I dont have any.:)

All I can do is share, and say--Ive been there. I allowed myself to be driven right into the ground--lost all self esteem--all self confidence, and it was their way, or the highway.

Why did I stay?  Hope, that things would get better, after being told they would get better. Love --that I received under conditions, and their terms. Mistrust--that I tried to prove, that there neednt be any. etc. etc. etc. Every time a trigger came up from the past. BOOM!

And yes-I never wanted to let go. Because I firmly beleived that some love was better than none.--And I might never find love again. Guess its that simple.

I left that relationship, with regrets, but knew I had to. It wasnt about me any more.--and Ide had enough. What I had hoped was going to get better--never did. And I lost my complete identity trying.

Thinkin of yu Kiddo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Doll,

I think it's perfectly normal for your mind to be "wandering" after not hearing from him lately--it's not just an "alcoholic thing"

I think part of recovery is learning what is "normal" sometimes.

It's 44 days for me, yea, I need a meeting too....lol.  I get to one........when I'm ready.  Not looking for a drink yet, but if & when, I get to that point, I will definitely be looking for one!

It was a good sober day for me.  Just talked to most of my family.  Most of 'em were drunk, except my Dad who is 10 years sober.  Now, I'm expecting our nightly phone call from my honey who will, most likely will be OR on his way to a drunk as he is every nite---then, I wonder how come I'm not MORE crazy then I am----gotta be easy on me sometimes....& then sometimes, all ya can do is laugh :)

so, I just take care of me & my son........done.  That's all I can handle anyhow....lol. 

That's good enough for me. 

Take Care, Doll

Christine

 

Thanks, GammyRose.

You probably know all about how the "alcoholic" mind works, that obsessive complusive starts to take over and I worry about the unknown...... have all sorts of crazy thoughts but a really good  friend helped me realize earlier tonight that  John has done this before, he has moments when long hours and many days without a day off of work get the best of him and he isolates. I'm praying that's all it is......... If my worst fears do come to light, I won't die, and I won't drink..................thanks for the prayers...... you're always in mine.

 

Love you much

Doll