Best thing you could have ever done was share those thoughts with us Frankie. Thanks. Sharing them at "the" meeting may not have been so productive...as there'd be a tendency for the group to stand together and defend their way of functioning.

Here, we can all really think about your words, and our words, and how they impact on newcomers. I see a pivotal turning point... you have come to a place where you are seeing beyond the cliches. The cliches are important at first, especially when we can't think real good, I remember holding onto some of them for days, even months - just trying to get through with simple measures: asking myself at every decision, How important is it? or telling myself...Come on now "Live and Let live" when folks buggered me about.

But for me there came a time when to live them, I had to stop reciting them and start communicating from the heart, really admit what I was thinking or feeling and learn to do that while trying to minimise any harm (as my mouth was, and still can be, a wild weapon).

I also agree with another point you made about the cheer squad. As I began to notice that some really do just "fake it to make it", I became more and more aware of my responsibilities to my fellow members. If AA is to survive, which to me is so important and driven by a deep gratitude for what I was offered,  it will not merely be because folks gather in one place, take turns to talk for an hour and then leave. The heart of AA, is seen in those members who look you directly in the eye while sharing and will be there outside of the meetings, alongside the ups an downs of life as we live it.

How far we go with others is often debated. There is an invisible line that folks move as it suits them, I think. To me, I do what I can...I go as far as I possibly can to help a fellow member. Because even if I didn't get the same help, I do remember how much I needed help at times. The other day a member visited me, he was talking about going rabbiting because his car had broken down and fixing it left him without grocery money. He has health issues, and rabbiting is not something he should be doing when the docs have told him to take it very easy. Both me and another member offered him money, which he refused. It may have been pride, or fear that he may be unable to repay it...I really don't know. But the fact was, the fellow member was hungry and didn't have food money. When I went shopping yesterday, I filled an extra box for him. I left it at his door when I knew he'd be off feeding his cattle. When he rang worrying about paying for it, I just told him it was probably an AA member who wanted to remain anonymous. There aren't a lot of AA members out here (2 others that I'm aware of) but anonymity allowed me to help the guy and remove any sense of debt for the assistance.

Some folks might call that enabling....I call it working my program. It was me making amends for the times I let my kids run out of milk formula or baby foods because I was 'preoccupied' with the grog. It was me making amends to the early sober Nic, who couldn't think straight and decided food shopping "wasn't so important after all" because she was clinging on to cliches and just trying to avoid the bottle shop next door.

To hear the HOW of working the steps, stick around. The fact we get to write things out, is healing for all of us.

All the best,

Nic

Glad you checked in Frankie. It sounds like you are growing and thinking about what would be best for you. Talk it over with your sponsor and see what you can live with. If you have more than one meeting you can attend then maybe it's time to branch out.I like mixed groups better than others, that way you get different ideas.

Keep up the sobriety and keep posting, I missed you!

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

I appreciate all the feedback. I'm a little surprised it was so positively received. It's hard for me to tell when I', on the right track and when "my head is trying to kill me" as an old sponsor of mine used to say. Thanks again!