This is my first post on this site. I have posted many times on the Alanon site. I am obsessed with an addict which has allowed me to focus on his issues instead of mine for the past 15 years. It has now come to my attention that my binge drinking every 3 weeks or so can be considered alcoholism. I don't drink every day and quite honestly until I get bored and go out to a club I don't even desire to drink. But, once I have that first drink I cannot stop. And as I have been told by several of my friends I then become a different person. I have been mean, thrown myself at men, got naked-asked for sex and been rejected, done drugs I would never consider while sober, and repeatedly drunk dialed the addict over and over. I am told I am attractive, but have been rejected by many men when out and drunk- the latest when I did the naked/ask for sex thing with the addict. I get sloppy and you get the picture. It's just that if I give up the binge drinking I don't know what I will do when I do go out. I know that sounds like a silly question, but though I know I turn menoff when I am drinking, I also fear I won't be able to have a conversation or be any fun if I am not drinking. Just looking for some insight. Thanks for letting me post and share. Appreciate any response.
Sounds like you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. With that said, why not weigh the pros and cons of drinking (on paper) and see what you come up with.
Btw, most alcoholics are codependents, usually do to having alcoholic parents. I'd bet a steak dinner at Ruth and Chris' that you had one too. .
It sounds like you would like to have a good and healthy relationship some day. Right now alcohol is getting in the way from both sides of the equation. What we found out in the program, is that we had to focus all of our attention on ourselves for awhile so that we could heal ourselves. And after we got some of this recovery stuff out of the way, we could go and do and have anything that we were willing to work for, just like anyone else. The only limtiations that we had/have are the ones that we impose on ourselves.
Don't settle for a love that's not real. Get real with youself and you'll attract real people.
I know how you feel. I'm co-dependent & I too thought I'd never have fun again, never laugh again, didn't know how to 'have a good time' without alcohol. I joined AA over 3 years ago - The first 2 yrs were in and out due to not changing where I hung out and who I hung out with. I finally got so sick of me (i.e. dialing / emailing drunk my b/f, rejection from other men, sometimes not being rejected by them and coming to with strange men, etc) I got serious about staying sober. Today, I have 16 months without a drink and am loving life. The co-dependency is still there, but not so active these days.....
Alcohol is a deadly disease. I hope you'll check out some AA meetings and atleast give it a try.
If I can do it, anyone can.
btw: Dean, I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, NEVER saw either of my parents drink!
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
All I can say is that binge drinking can rapidly explode into full blown alcoholism if the addict is in you already. That was my experience....as the disease of addiction in general is insideous, cunning, and baffling as they say. I wish that there was just an all encompassing Addicted to all sorts of stuff Anonymous group. I am sticking with AA though, despite having massive codependency issues, relationship addiction, past patterns of my weight going up and down drastically (binge eating), past patterns of sexual escapades that were totally ridiculous.... I choose not to attend 5 different fellowships because most alcoholics have all of these issues as well. I wouldn't obsess over labels per say. AA might shift the focus more to you instead of just working on relationships and your attraction to other addicts. That might be healthy for you, but it's up to you to decide. Of course i could be totally off base too...shrug.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I started out in Alateen, went on to Alanon but very quickly went on into AA. I have been a binge drinker too. I dont really know how to reply to you honestly cause I am afraid I will be too harsh. Maybe re-read what you wrote and then honestly ask yourself, "Is this the behavior of a sane person"? I, nor anyone can pronounce you Alcoholic, but if there was a bet going on I would vote on yes.
Wow I thought you were talking about me at first. I discovered I was an alcoholic after many years of this same type of behaviour. When I joined AA I was trying to get a man back. My denial of alcoholism was because " I wasn't as bad as him. If I get that bad I'll stop." When I tried to stop I found I couldn't. My first sponsor told me to work on what's killing me the quickest, then go on to the other things. After almost 8 years, it's still alcoholism. If I drink, I will die. And so, I continue to work the steps and the other stuff?? The steps work for that shit too...what I found out was it was my alcoholic mind that takes me to the places I don't want to go and there is always a step for it. If you are an alcoholic, you are in the right place and I welcome you to a fellowship that has saved my life over and over again.
Doll wrote:btw: Dean, I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, NEVER saw either of my parents drink!
(((hugs)))
Hey Doll,
Let my expand my comment. It's well understood that Alcoholism (addictions in general) are a family disease and are multi-generational. A lot of us had alcoholics for parents, some of us had Codependents for parents (grand parents were the alcoholics). John Bradsaw discovered something a few decades ago, when he noticed that the people that he was counseling, were having the same kinds of problems that ACOAs were having, but didn't have alcoholics for parents. Turns out these people had either codependents for parents (grand parent were alcoholic) of the parents had other addictions such as: work-a-holism, eating disorders, sexual addictions, gambling addictions, compulsive spending, compulsive collecting (pack rats), compulsive cleaning, religious fanatiscism, and other forms of OCD. Another common issue is multi generational family sexual abuse. All of the above support substance abuse in the ACAs very well.
Hey there cod2, I was also a binge drinker for most of my alcoholic career, and do you want to know something funny? My wife left me in May...........well, that's not that funny, I know, but she had all these alanon, beyond codependency books, and I used to think "man, she is so fxxxed up, with all her co dependency issues.....I mean how blind was I to not see that if she was co dependent and married to me, that I was also co dependent?
It is funny I think. As for the going out and not drinking. It is hard. I went for fourteen months without a drink, but picked up recently, trying to stop again, but I started going back to bars etc, and drank soda water and cranberry juice to start with, but as I have been told.."if you sit in the barber's chair long enough, you'll get a haircut", and I eventually picked up, so for me, those places are not appropriate any longer. I find many of those places, when sober, are just grotty rooms, and when I'm sober, they are places which I don't usually enjoy going. I have had to develop new social groups, AA being the primary one where i am learning to socialise again, but I have also joined a social club for singles, which is not a dating agency, just a group of people who do tennis, dinners, walking, etc, without pressure, and I am sure there are all sorts of social, sporting, or hobby type activities which would have opportunities to meet people, and hopefully the sort of people you meet in those places may be less likely to be ones where you repeat old patterns. It is hard to be alone, and I know I seek love too much sometimes, not being happy with just me, but it is much healthier and happier for me not to be chasing the sort of drunken sexual and love episodes you describe, where i often feel rejected, unlovable, undesirable, and of course these feelings are often part of the reasons I drank, in order to escape from those feelings.
When I am not drinking, I do feel a lot better about all that stuff, and it does get easier, I know.
you sound a lot like I sounded when I really started to "kill myself slowly". Things were a lot worse and more desperate than what I would let on to. It takes a while for us who are alcoholic to face the truth that we are really NOT HAPPY with our alcoholic lives, even though our sick minds tell us differently.
The beginnings of the best time in my life was wehn I gave up the men for a time--- about 18 months I think (not expecting anyone else to follow suit, it's just what I HAD TO DO), and I ended up liking myself so much, who I REALLY was without alcohol OR men, that I learned how to not put up with anyone else's sick crap. My home and life became a sanctuary of peace and joy and contentment, without the worries and frustrations and EXPECTATIONS of an intimate relationship. And when I was helathier than I had ever been before, I attracted a healthy man who is not an alcoholic or codependent, and I was able to begin building a life with him that does not include drinking or carrying on. Had I still been trolling the bars alone in search of attention and temporary comfort at the expense of my own self worth, he would probably not have looked twice at me.
I hope and pray tonight that you will find the peace and confidence, and sense of satisfaction that I have been blessed to receive through the decision to ask for help and put down the drink. If you need help in deciding whether sobriety is something you should try, find an AA meeting in your area, and just go as a visitor and listen to what people have to say about themselves, and see if you can relate. It is free, anonymous, and no one will pressure you to "join". And you don't have to say anything, you can just listen.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
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