Recovery blows me away! How fortunate we actually are to learn about life, relationships, love and all the other things that we missed out on while practicing our addiction. The promises do come true if we follow the Big Book. I trust that to be true. Logic really has nothing to do with staying sober. I burned my hand on an element one time, I pretty much guarantee that I will never do that again. I can guarantee that more than I can guarantee I will never drink again. I willingly drank, drove my motorcycle, crashed and almost died. This is much more tragic than burning my hand. hmmmmm, decisions, decisions! I'm starting to feel that although I am a human being, what you see is a "human" called Scott. The "being" is the HP within what you see, the real "I" in I am. This being is the real one calling the shots and the human wants to circumvent this authority almost all the time. "Turning our will (actions) and our lives over to the care of God (HP) as we understand him" is what needs to be done. I can't believe in a HP or God, I need to "feel" this presence. I do when I meditate and I can call upon my HP at any time I want, it all takes practice and is difficult to say the least. When a driver cuts me off, I can do one of two things; I can quickly react with an instant rage, give him the finger, yell at him, whatever. Or, since the incident is already in the past (which I can't control), let it go and move on, staying calm. Besides, in an hour, I will have forgotten all about it so what does it matter. This tells me that even though I know which one is better, there is a choice. The "human" or the "being". When we say "I can't believe I did that" almost suggests this duality. Who are the two "I"s in the statement? I figure that if I allow my HP to drive the bus, I'll be better off, I don't have anything to lose by trying right? I'm thinking that the rest of the steps (4-9) allow us to liberate ourselves from our "pain body" that Eckhart Tolle talks about.
Scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Great stuff, Scott!! I too am learning how to just let things GO where other folks are concerned. Yesterday at work, a girl who is training me was driving me crazy, interrrupting me while i was talking to patients, and rushing me. I was only on DAY 2 of my new job, and I was pretty burned up about it, although I kept it all inside.
I took a drive at lunch and asked my Higher Power to guide the rest of my day. Also, Good old Melody Beattie was in my ear whispering "ask for whatyou NEED"....
So when I returned form lunch, I expressed to this girl that what she was doing was throwing me off, and that I thought I could learn better and develop my own routine if she let me have the time I needed to get through the dialogue with the patinets by myself. She was very kind, and after 3 patients, she realized I was doing a fine job, just AT MY OWN PACE, and she left me alone for the rest of the day to practice and do my work with them. I lost the feeling of exhaustion and had a really good afternoon, once I let GOD step in and drive the bus (as you said). Asking for what I needed was also something that I did not need to be afraid or ashamed to do.
Recovery is so much more than stopping drinking. It really is a design for living that works.
((((hugs)))) Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
