The one we got when we 'came to' ? That gut wrenching, self loathing, feeling of guilt and remorse? That whole "OMG what have I done" feeling.
I've got that feeling. AND I HAVE NOT RELAPSED. What I did do was have a another car accident in 3 weeks. This time I was 50% at fault in reality and 100% at fault by law. Long story, but the guy had no brake lights, and no turn signal on, I looked away for 1 second and I rear ended him. The other guy is fine. I'm hurt pretty bad this time, seatbelt bruises, tore my knee up on the dash board and all out sore as mo'foe!!!! EMT's said classic whiplash case. I can barely walk. Sooooo, I get to fix my car yet one more time! This time out of my own pocket. My insurance co is gonna try to fight paying to fix his bumper, since he was also at fault and got a $300 ticket for it and was driving with no license! Whatever!
BUT, I can not shake this sick, nauseating feeling I have. Plus, I had a full blown panic attack trying to drive to the store today. A car was coming at me swerved over the yellow line waaaaayyyyy up the road, waaaayyy away from me but It was so bad I had to pull of the road and vomit! I couldnt' breathe and I didn't think I was going to make it back home.
Anyone experience this over any kind of 'situation' ? while in recovery ?
I've talked to my sponsor, she says she thinks my subconscience thinks now that I"m sober nothing bad should ever happen kinda thing.....
ES&H, please! I feel like I'm losing my mind.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I am so truly sorry that you have had another car accident. I don't have any ES&H for you, but I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Take good care of yourself, won't you?
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
So sorry to hear all this, Doll. Sounds like you are basically dodging bullets right now. I know it is hard right now, but TRY to find some gratitude in the midst of all this. I know you are a grateful person. Gratitude even in the most screwed up of circumstances literally DRIVES the disease back into it's cave.
Perhaps there is some reason God wants you to be still right now? Talk to Him, and explore in that stillness what it is He wants you to do next. Remember thatsometimes the answer is that He wants us to step back and do NOTHING for a minute, so that HE can take care of some things.
I love you very much, Doll, and have seen both you and I go through some tremendous setbacks over the years. Please know that I am here for you, just as you have been for me. If you ever need to talk, or just vent, or EXPLODE even, I am here for you. I will PM you my phone # if you want to talk.
Love and hugs and prayers for you right this very minute. Love, Joni
XOXOXO
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Most of my drinking days were colored by hiding and hoping not to get caught, and oh that sick feeling- whether it was being "caught" by my family drunk, or the DUI- how UTTERLY guilty and foolish and stupid I felt, and can still feel over it, years later (for the latter, anyway). I have jury duty in May- (this will be relevant)- the mere whiff of the legal system has me anxious beyond belief, reviving all of the awful feelings that I did something really terrible. It's good to be reminded in a visceral way of those awful times, keeps it green. But that being said- you had an ACCIDENT, you were not drunk and you are not going to jail ; And I'm not on trial (except in the court of my mind)- it's just jury duty. The context of this accident is different than those in the past. Sober people have accidents! Hope you feel better soon. Beach Girl
I had my first car accident 2 years ago after 30 years of driving. I was in the left lane of a 4 lane road rd. (two lanes ea way) looked down for a second and looked up to find a car slamming on his brakes at the intersection just as the light turned yellow, while everone else drove thru the light at 40 mph including a car that was ahead of me and pulled into the right lane at the last second when he saw the car ahead stopping. I slammed on the brakes and turned to the left hoping to get into the left turn lane without hitting this man's new caddilac. I just barely clipped the left rear of his car, thank God! he was 68 and he just had surgery. If I'd not served to avoid he'd be back in the hosptial. I paid $1800 cash to fix his car so the my record of "no accidents" would be preserved . He admitted that it wasn't wise to try and stop for the light when it would've been safer to continue thru it. But I knew that I didn't have a chance so I just paid for it. To be honest I was talking on my cell phone when it happened.
Doll I would consult with an attorney about your accident. That guy with no tail lights and no license shouldn't have been on the road, and if he wasn't on the road there would not have been an accident. Your insurance company and the police are wrong for not putting 100% of the blame on the unlicensed driver.
Call an accident attorney today. Did the other guy have insurance? He should be paying 100% of your bills. As far as the anxiety goes, I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way for a little bit. Don't let feelings of guilt get to you. I don't think that you were at fault if the guy had no brake lights and wasn't using a turn signal, and was unlicensed. Is there a place where you can go get a full body message? I hope you're taking advil or something for swelling and pain. Take care,
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