Forgiveness Forgiveness is the key to peace. Forgiveness is letting go. I often think of it as letting go of the stranglehold we have on a person whose actions we could not control. Whatever it is we are not forgiving, it’s something we can’t change because it’s already happened. We could be waiting for an apology. We could be so certain this was unforgivable that we spend a lifetime not forgiving. What we’re really wanting is for this thing, whatever it was, to have never happened. We want it to go away. We can’t change what happened, but we can change our reaction; we can allow it to go away. We can let go. We can forgive.
The stranglehold has us locked into a tension that is energetic, emotionally and physically. Whatever it is, you have wrestled it to the ground and you’re holding on for dear life. Dear life, indeed. It’s your life that you are choking.
It is your life held hostage. You simply cannot move on to real peace and freedom while you down on the floor holding on. Forgiveness isn’t about releasing him or her, it’s about releasing you! Let’s take a look at how you can let go and retrieve your own life.
Declaring
You have to name it and claim it to let it go. Who do you want to forgive? What was done?
Empathy
Isn’t this the hardest part of it? The thought of having empathy for someone who has done you wrong can be a bitter pill. Forgiving yourself might be the easiest place to start on your path to forgiving everyone.
Here’s a story of my own self forgiveness:
A very long time ago, I almost killed a patient with a mistake I made in a hospital lab. A miracle happened that saved the patient (and me), but it could have been disastrous. You have to be a perfectionist in medical work, and I was awfully hard on myself about this mistake. I would have fired me, I would have locked me up, capital punishment was a thought. My supervisor was compassionate while I raked myself over the coals.
Eventually, I looked at the situation that set me up for the mistake and realized that I had too much to do that night. I was the sole medical technologist on night duty for a large hospital and several emergencies escalated the work beyond my capacity. The fact that my efforts had probably saved several lives was overshadowed by the mistake. When I had empathy for myself in that situation, I was able to forgive me.
Empathy is “to walk a mile in the other’s shoes.” It is to feel the emotions they are feeling and to understand the events, possibly a lifetime of events that led to your encounter with them. This allows you to feel compassion. Compassion is what loosens your grip and allows you to make a different choice.
Release
Here is the letting go, after the compassion comes the forgiveness. It is to look the perpetrator in the (figurative) eye and say, “I release you.” It is to relax your hold, to cut the energetic ties that hold you locked into the original act. Not only do you release the other, you release yourself. This doesn’t mean that what was done is OK or even acceptable. It means you are releasing the other into being responsible for his or her own life. It means you will no longer get your juice from hating what was. Once you let it go, you are free to use that energy in another way. The very best possible choice is to use that energy to love, to create something wonderful and beautiful.
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.
Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,... "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...
"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!"
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I agree with you about empathy... In learning to empathize, I was able to forgive my parents through realizing that they were imperfect human beings, just like me.... that only God is perfect. I held so many expectations which were constantly shot down. It's easier now to allow others their space on this earth and I have my boundaries to keep those, who would try to destroy my sobriety, sanity and serenity, from trespassing.
Thanks for your good message... thanks for the joke too, altho I'm glad this guy is someone else's husband. The slob.
Hope you're feeling well and in good spirits, my friend. Had my procedure today and am doing okay tonite. It's supposed to hurt for 2-3 days, but that shows it's taking effect and so hopefully the canes will be hung in my closet and I'll be able to do cartwheels for Christmas. Wanna join me? You can pick up all my bones that go flying and use them to play on my Tongue Drum that I bring out each Christmas for everyone to show their Calypso talents!
