Our neighbors called and asked us to go out on friday to a mexican place with the other neighbors. There are four houses in a row and weve all partied together over the last 8-10 years. We really havent hung out with them for the last 6 mos or so as my husband and I have been going to aa. Im on the fence about this....
Either way, if we went we;d go for a short time and if we dont go I think Im ok with that too.
Need some E<S<H regarding what to do...... They know we are going to AA. Nice that they invited us.
So, question is....Do we stop hanging out with our old drinking buddies? What experiences do you all have regarding this? Know that my husband and I together could handle this but my new smart mind tells me...Its probably to early and even if we dont drink, the thought might be creepin in our heads somehow........
Just curious!!!!! Thanks, Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
go! show your face at least. maybe a meeting first?
stuff your face and enjoy the company.
then *leave*.
prepare yourself first!
if you feel uneasy dont go.
remember AA is a bridge to normal living- but it takes us different times to lead a regular life again... dont beat yourself up if you dont go. i was almost a hermit for 2 years! but am enjoying my life again.
im only advising you to go because i like mexican food!! *slurp!*
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...suffer what there is to suffer, and enjoy what there is to enjoy...
If you think you can go and have a good time without worrying about the drink, then go have fun!
You could also use it as a sort of test.
My boyfriend's father was an alcoholic and has been clean for seven years. My boyfriend asked him (quite insensitively) to go to the liquor store for him one time. His dad said it was a joy to walk into a liquor store and not want it.
I stopped hanging out with my old drinking buddies before I even came to AA so I have to ES&H to offer you.
But, as your neighbors know that you go to AA, you can always tell them if you are not feeling comfortable and leave. But, only you will know if you are feeling comfortable and want to go. It took me a little while before I felt confident enough to start socializing, but everyone is different.
Please let us know what you decide, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I hate to say it, but I would love to go....Selfish reasons possibly? To prove I can, to prove to them that we're still fun? Maybe I have ulterior motives....(must be if Im sharing that!) Didnt think that way at first!
Its so nice to share these things....It allows me time to think about my decision and get some feedback from others that have gone thru this.
Its so odd..Before we got sober it was summertime. Our backyards are kinda close together and we all have pools. We would hop the fence and party at each others houses, have bbq's all the time and always be together. After getting sober, It was really hard because here we would be, hangin out on the deck, not daring to go to their houses for fear of being tempted by drinking. We'd have parties with our family and stuff but it was agony watching them doing what I really wanted to be doing. (oh...getting wasted, ignoring my kids, feeling like shit the next day!!!!-forgot what fun THAT was!) Winter is easier b/c we dont see all that! DUH!!!!!!
So, thanks for sharing.......We have a week to decide and either way I hope whatever the decision is, its the right one!
luv, Lani
XXSenor: Thats my dilema too...LOVE mexican!!!!!
-- Edited by lani at 23:22, 2008-01-14
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Me personally, I'd have to decline......I'm in the process now of looking for an excuse to get out of dinner Thursday night with a girl I used to work with. She's not an alkie, but does enjoy a few drinks, and I don't trust myself nor do I feel comfortable about it at this point. Hell! I may never feel comfortable.......Anyway.....if you have reservations, think long and hard and follow your gut. They don't tell us to change our playground and playmates for nothing.....
((hugs))
-- Edited by Doll at 06:02, 2008-01-15
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I totally agree with Doll on this one!!! Lani reading all you wrote it definately sounds like you are dancing with the devil on this matter. I personally would not go. Our neighborhood was the same way, then my hubby and I quit drinking, one guy moved away and now it is much quieter. I cant go to their houses anymore, People Places and Things!! Now hubby he goes once in a while, brings a soda with him and only stays a short while. He can I cant. If it is the Mexican food that is driving you so hard, you and your hubby should go out alone or invite another AA couple even if you dont know them well would be a good chance to make new friends. Hope this all works out for you. Let us know! Allison
that's a tough one. Is it having dinner, or is it margaritaville? I have a set of boundaries for those occasions. First I ask if it's important, like an occasion? Or maybe an event, like a band that I want to see is playing. Take someone who is sober with you, but not a newcomer. Don't overexpose myself to a drinkers getting drunk. I'm trying not to imitate that today.
Our mind is always seeking to understand what "normal" is. That's why we have to be very careful where we take our mind and what we show it. If we sit and watch people drinking, then our mind is going to say "it's ok, they're doing it". We've taught our minds to do that from about the time we first could walk.
When I first got sober, I was regularly in meetings with a black guy "Earle" who used to say "My f-ing mind is like a vacuum cleaner. Where ever I go I just sucks things up so I have to be careful where I take my mind". The first time I heard him say it, I thought he was retarded. Then after I relapsed a couple times, I thought I was retarded, and I was lol.
If you decide to go, order dinner promptly, eat your dinner, and leave shortly after. That's what I do.
Thanks for all the great advise. I laugh to think that I have to share this with you guys, ask my sponser and cant decide on my own whether to go or not! Thank God for all the above. Last meeting I went to was about "Decisions!" The only choice or decision I should make each day is doing step one-three someone said! (kinda pisses me off to be honest!)
My husband's sponser said to tell them simply "no"-"no is a complete sentence!!! Imagine that!
And it is true for now, I may not drink friday but the idea may be put in my head somewhere along the line! Shoot, "they can do it!"
I recall early on an old timer sharing about going out with her girlfriends. She said she couldnt go at first because they would drink. But the problem was her's. Theyd have a glass of wine and be done with it. Us alcoholics had to "have one before going, few during , couple after......
Im not sure we have to change all our friends because most of my friends can have a few and be done with it. I still want to keep these friends in my life and someday deal with being able to be around them when they do drink. But for me perhaps, the someday isnt quite this soon!
You guys are the best! Thanks for letting me bounce this off you! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
