I am so grateful for all of you sharing your adivce and your own experiences with me. I am trying to understand my A's problem and to read your stories makes me truly understand that I can't "save" him but i can do my best to be there for him, that it isn't my fault and that i need to take care of myself first. I am so thankful that you were willing to open up and help a stranger. I have taken your advice and begun my part by joining the online Al-Anon. You have each made a difference in my world. Thank you.
Thankyou, 123. Bless you & your humility. You seem a warm & genuine person. I hope you find the things you need from your new online friends. We're intrinsically linked & help each other live with our troubles & joy. I wish you both the best. Good luck in your path. Feel free to visit whenever you like. We're never too far away. Yours in fellowship & recovery, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Good move, joining al-anon. There is a chapter in the big book called "for wives". It's written in a sort of old fashioned way, but there is some good advice in there regarding talking to the A about the problem.
THere's a book "Living Sober" if this person ever has a sane moment and expresses a desire to quit, stick it in his hand immediately. There's a bit in there from a mental health test, I think it has 12 questions, if you answer yes to three you have a problem. Me, being the over-achiever I am, got a 9! But I had to have a sober sane moment to take the test honestly.
And you've gotten some good advice about an alchoholic needing to hit bottom. But as I've heard a bunch of times "I don't know if I hit bottom, but I decided to quit digging." People hit bottom at various levels, some never do, they die of this disease.
Thanks for the idea. i think I will go out and get the book you suggested and have it on hand, just in case:) i certainly hope he gets tired of digging, but for now, i will just try to stay out of the way of the shovel.
