Thought I would start a new thread on boundaries.... Im not quite sure what they are or what mine are. "The purpose of setting boundaries is to take care of our self. Being forced to learn how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own our self, of learning to respect ourselves, of learning to love ourselves. If we never have to set a boundary, then we will never get in touch with who we really are - will never escape the enmeshment of codependence and learn to define ourselves as separate in a healthy way."
Not having them Ive read is because of a lack of self esteem....Im there but ready to take a heathly look at myself.... I didnt think I had a problem of course but now am realizing that I do let others dictate my feelings, needs and wants because I want to please everyone.
Im seeing this at my new job. "nurses eat their young" Theres always one person who will really try to test you. Im holding fast but "deep inside" it is bugging me. She's nice enough but is really trying to challenge me on some things. I need some suggestions of change to try and cope with this and have a successful relationship with her.
I guess my first clue that I have no boundaries is the fact that I dont even know what they are!!!! Thanks, Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Me, too... I'M A PEOPLE PLEASER! (I think most alkies/addicts are). It's that simple........Here's what I've done and continue to do....Work the steps, pray and meditate, make a conscience effort to let no one take my joy. ACCEPT the FACT that I can not change anything or anyone other than ME and my attitude.....With practice, it gets better and easier - Promise.
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
you've been setting boundaries llike not going to bars and not driving your grocery cart down the booze isle... the interpersonal ones aren't that much different. like, no matter what one of my customers might say, I'm not going to tell them what a moron they are, I'm just going to breathe in breath out, try not to roll my eyes, and say "NO, that's not part the contract" and begin calmly explaining.
One of my big boudaries with myself is, no matter what the other person says or does, I'm not going to lower my level of honesty or integrity or lose my temper.
Another is if someone asks me to do something more than a small favor, my answer is going to be, "let me get back to you on that after I check my schedule", before making any committments. And then making sure that I've gotten all my stuff done before saying yes, but usually the answer will be no because I am busy. Learning how to say no is probably the biggest one.
Thanks guys, You make it sound so simple, and simple it should be!!! I didnt think about some of the things you both mentioned...I know Im a people pleaser, I tend to say yes to things before even thinking about it just to make someone happy! What happens then, I disappoint them and myself for not being able to follow through with ALL the things I said I would do!
Thanks for the "promise" doll! I know just by working the steps and praying thus far, things have gotten better...Old habits are hard to break but Ive got a start just by recognizing my defects!!!
I think too, that when we make a mistake, promptly admit it, and move ON!! Thats hard to do because Im such a "dweller!" Im trying to leave it at my HP's feet and move on but it is soo hard... I need to look at my trust side in my HP>Thats the best I can do!
Thanks for the positive side of it too Dean. Pat me on the back for not going to bars etc!!!!!! At least Im doing something right! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
